[WildChild]

Only you can decide. What is she doing to resolve her issues? Does she recognize that she needs help? Does she see that her behavior toward you is hurtful?

[Ahryin]

If you push more you will only succeed in pushing her away. If you truthfully want her back you need to let her go. She has suffered heartache and break of which she has not recovered from and has not addressed. Unfortunately you can not do this for her, help her with this or influence her to finally seek the helps she needs. Your time, efforts and love would be greater appreciated elsewhere. I understand its hard and it hurts but the longer you linger the more damage you are doing to yourself...and the more damage you are allowing her to do to you as well

[artist1633]

Thank you for your time and wonderful words of wisdom. It has helped me so much in this painful time. I will follow your advice, give her space, and at some point, try to plant the seed for counseling.
I enjoy this woman, she will not seek counseling because of her fierce privacy. She believes she is cured of the abandonment issue. With time, hopefully she can heal with the help of professionals. Ladies, all of you are absolute angels. I'll keep you posted about my friend and our friendship.

[artist1633]

she has responded:

we met Thursday last week...stayed together through Monday night. she indicated that she was running from me. we agreed on parameters. told me she loved me for the first time. insinuated that her visits would someday no longer be just visits.
interestingly, minutes prior to the end of our weekend, she became a little distance, not as much as before, just enough that I noticed it. she kissed me, but just a peck. finally i told her i wanted her entire thought into our hugs and kisses. she relented just prior to leaving. this detachment is confusing. she does this to avoid hurting.

I'm hoping for the best.

[mdraven380]

let her see you on a date with another woman and see how she reacts.
Take someone else to the free concert. That should get her attention.

[tasha1133]

I appreciate that you seem to care for this girl a lot; but it sounds like she has a lot of personal issues that she needs to work through. Unless She herself, admits to this and is willing to work through them, I am afraid that this might only end in pain for you. I would have to agree with wild child, it sounds as if she could do with professional help.

[artist1633]

dear ladies, I agree with all of you. However I am not the sort of guy who would date another girl to cause jealousy. Perhaps I should, but I cannot. She spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night with me. Monday I returned to the classroom, she stayed asleep in my apt. When I returned home she had left and had cleaned the whole place. The medallion I had given her to assist with the detachment issue was on the doorknob. She said "it isn't me to have this religious medal." Nevertheless, she is keeping playing house. WHen I asked her to visit me after her work (midnight) she indicated she couldn't on "her night." I told her I respected her freedom. The thing with "T..." is that only 5 years ago she ventured out of her shell. Now she enjoys socializing. I don't mind. "T" simply states that this is happening a little bit at a time. A friend of mine experienced the same issues, she responded that it took her 6 years to fully trust her husband. Well, I will see if I have the patience. I pray everyday for strength, I also request that her heart be softened. Let's see what the next few weeks brings. Thank you for this wonderful support. I definitely need it. All of you, my thoughts are with you. Tony

[artist1633]

Ok, today we had a major problem. Last weekend my ex and her new husband knocked on my door without annoucement. The reason was to discuss my son's new roommate. It was a shock! "T" and I were in bed. Now "T" wishes to stop our relationship because of this. I reiterated that this issue was not a breakup issue. That we could work through it. We spoke on the telephone for one hour, we were tired, she said "goodbye." I said "I love you." Now I do not know if she meant goodbye as in forever. I left a message this evening, she hasn't returned my call. I will not call her tomorrow to give her space. I will call her on Sat. Today for the first time I bought a new car, she wouldn't even see it or go on a ride. I wanted to share this experience with her. I know that once "T" understands that I am not bad or "out to hurt" her, she will be a wonderful partner. But she keeps running away. So frustrating. As patient as I am, I am almost at the end of my rope with my patience.

[tasha1133]

I don't profess to know everything, and I don't even mean to put this harshly, but what happened was no reason for her to get upset, and most certainly not a reason to break a relationship up over. I'm sorry but it sounds like your "T" is just finding reasons to push you away, It doesn't bode well for a good future between the two of you.

[happy ending]

i agree with tasha1133 it seems like a major over reaction - over something fairly minor. you seem to really love this woman, did you say before that she is in her 40's? she seems fairly immature, if that is the case. take care.