[CHANDLERS WISH]

We tend to go for the same, over and over.

Some Men can not help but "want" to be the Knight, to cherish and love and "help" the female through, in hope for her admiration and longevity of the relationship, their hearts are soft and they like to give.

Yes, every second female has been abused in same form/fashion.

Not all, are timid, shy, or can't get past, their past. Some are strong and go from strength to strength and become also successful in life.

I suspect, you purely are attracted more so to the timid, shy, reserved type and after they open up, you fall more for them, from the love you have inside you.

CW

[artist1633]

Thank you Chandlers Wish. Why is it that all of the women that I am attracted to are also attracted to me. Moreover, why is it that those women have difficulty committing?
I am thinking that I should join eHarmony and carefully select someone that way.
I do not think I look for shyness or timidness. I simply like attractive women, some just turn out to have certain issues. Unfortunately, more likely than not, they have issues that relate to men and have difficulty trusting.
Are there questions I can ask a woman when the relationship starts to warmup? It would be great to never have to go through this again.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Don't know love. Are you tall, dark and handsome, do you have stunning deep eyes?

No, seriously, it's usually the outside unfortunately, that people will look at first, and then get to know the inside and that's sad but reality.

You sound like you've been trying dating sites and if so, maybe after looking at you, you have a good profile that reads things that they want out of life, in life.

I also don't know how old you are but suspect that your at least as young as me....

See, you yourself go for "attractiveness", on the outside..

My answer to you is look deeper. Much deeper, when dating and take your time to make an assessment.. If they start straight away as I think is the case with you, poor me and what they have been through, they may not know how to commit and it may not be poor me, rather, poor him, she pushed him away because she couldn't commit or love...

You can't ask questions.. just gage confidence, verses non-confident...

If she oozes confidence about herself and can just laugh with you and share conversations broad about anything, then discuss hobbies etc, not her life you may be safer.

I was watching a pro gramme today that was very interesting, a new book out by Allen Pease and his wife Barbara (body language) ..

They made a statement..

"If two people have core values and beliefs, then the rest can be negotiated"...

Their book "why men want sex and women need love"...

The context was basically, he wants me time, sex, the extras and she wants honesty, love, commitment...

CW

[artist1633]

surprise:

Last Wednesday "T" was driving by, we go to the same dance school, she didn't wave. She called 30 minutes later. Said, "Wanted to wish you well." We spoke for 1.5 hours. After hanging up, she called again 2 hours later. I invited her to my place.
I did not address our breakup when she arrived. She was down, said she had been dreaming about me, thinking how she could be with me instead of watching TV.
I finally asked about her behavior on Thursday, why would she treat me coldly and breakup so easily. "T" said she was scared of love. Told me that when she behaves that way, to stop her and tell her that "everything" was going to be alright.
Well, short story, "T" stayed from Wednesday night until Tuesday morning. She has the key to apt, which she cleaned throughly. She cooked wonderfully all the days. Tuesday evening, she called and wanted to walk on the beach, we did. We also had dinner Tuesday night. Wednesday, today, we spoke and had a pleasant conversation. She answers the phone every time I call.
Saturday night, without ambivalence, she spoke out the words with complete clarity, "I love you." She looked at me with a smile and a radiant face and spoke those wonderful words I have been waiting to hear.
Now, I understand that the rollercoaster may continue. I feel she is faithful. I will continue to pray and hope that our relationship reaches consistency.
"T" indicated that she understands that our relationship is serious, that is what she wants. We are at a pinnacle. Let's hope for the best. Perhaps this diamond in the rough will shine soon. Patience is the key, love is the answer, with love nothing is impossible.
Ladies, spiritualness has been my mainstay. I did give up, left it all in the hands of divine intervention. It works. St. Joseph was the key. Google him, sorry to get this in, but it saved me a lot of heartache last week.

[artist1633]

News, Saturday we were together. "T" was a bit cool, friendly but not her usual loving self. She stayed until 4:00 a.m. Didn't feel like hugging much. I asked if anything was wrong, she said all was good. She didn't call on Sunday. She left a message this afternoon, Monday, saying she would call later. I called her 2 minutes after her message, she didn't pick up the call.
Thursday is her birthday. Because she has a lot of friends, I suspect that she will be going from place to place...which is ok. This week will be an important week for me because I am interested in how she brings me into her birthday celebrations.
I'd like to say that when we broke up I felt relieved. But when she called a week later, she gave me 6.5 days and nights of heaven. I am thinking she came back because of need, not sincerity. She did state that she returned because of the realization of how serious the relationship was. I am beginning to feel the burden of this relationship. I do not know how much longer I can be with her. My old fashioned ways have me in a bind. Once I make love to a woman for 7 months, it is like I wish to work it out.
I will continue to hope for the best. But if she walks out again, I will not stop her.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi artist1633.

She obviously does have strong feelings for you but she obviously still holds back...

Can I make a suggestion? Don't call when someone says "I'll call you", that is why she didn't answer.

I wish you success with this one. I truly do

CW

[artist1633]

Dear Ladies, the roller coaster continues. I last spoke with "T" on Tuesday. Thursday was her birthday and didn't call from Wednesday to today, Sunday. We have never been apart this long, 8 days. Something is amiss, my feeling is that this is her way of saying goodbye.
Our day together was supposed to be on Saturday, but she didn't even answer the phone nor cancel.
She has my apt. keys so I suspect "T" will call to breakup and/or bring my stuff she has.
I do not have any idea when or why she is doing this, I am good with it, problem is what to do when she calls. Is she pondering whether to stay? Is she doing her running away things? One of her birthday gifts was cash in a birthday card, (she had never accepted anything from any man in her life) she got scared, said "I can't accept the cash," handed it halfway, I reached for it, then she took it and put it away. The next week birthday gift she did not open, (not even the card) said she'd open it later. that was 8 days ago.
Why does she do this? This absenteeism is weird and hurtful. She knows what I go through when this happens. Our last visit I stated that I did not "want her to lose me."
She asked what that meant, I said that I did not wish to hurt anymore.
Things are coming to a head, finally.

[artist1633]

Today is Tuesday and she hasn't called. I am not expecting a call. I do not know what to expect or when. Upon reflection, when she took her night clothing to her own place, stopped calling after her midnight drive home after work, stopped her afternoon calls, and being a bit cold the last two weeks, it is coming to surface that this is her way of saying goodbye, I do not know what is up or down...I only know it hurts. This isn't fun and no person should experience this. Such are the dynamics of a relationship. A friend told me that the trouble was that we were in an "addictive" relationship. That we do not know when to stop...whether it is our phone calls or visits. This is true because when we call or are together, we go to the hilt and enjoy each other. I just wish we could tailor our togetherness...perhaps it is a bit too late to fix anything. Though we should try, I feel disheartened that our relationship may never come to fruition.

[WildChild]

Wow, this is confusing. It's hard to understand why she isn't just upfront with her feelings. To just not communicate anything at all makes little sense. Have you attempted to contact her? If you are leaving it all up to her, she may feel you don't care and that she is pushing too much?

Are you sure she is OK? Hasn't been in an accident or anything?

[artist1633]

After our Tuesday conversation, I called on her birthday, Thursday, left a message. I also called noon on Friday, then Saturday. She didn't answer my phone call. I haven't tried since. I figure that she doesn't want contact. I am concerned that she may never call to breakup or return the apt key. I'm thinking she is waiting for time to pass then she'll bring me my things and express surprise when I mention that we would still be together. How I wish we would communicate.
As for as I know, the only accident was a hit by a car that broke her leg. I am more convinced that molestation is involved.