[Joy]

x's are x's for a reason. Maybe your past is knocking to see if you want to go back. Sounds unbalanced one minute highs next mintue crash and burn.

Choice is hard but you can't chose to stay and then always look back wondering. Its not fair to anyone involved.

good luck

[Ahryin]

Everyone has given me some really good points and good questions. For the past 5months my ex has been my answering machine message for one of my cell phones, he had an issue with his and had to hold mine for a week, he did it and I just never took it off. I took it off today! I never thought about how it made my SO feel, he asked when he first heard it and I have been meaning to take it off but I never listen to it and never realized it was still on. (I deal with so many phone lines by the time I get home I dont want to look at a phone half the time) Any way I realized it was wrong and may be bothering him so I took it off today.
My girls only know my ex as a music artist they like him alright but they dont know anything. They do however have a working relationship with my SO. I don't really bring them around him but the times they have spent with him they have fun. He likes my girls. The other day my oldest asked him if he was my boyfriend, my mouth dropped! He told her he cared about me and he cared about them she cut him off and told him, it was ok...that she approved of him. We both busted out laughing, he thanked her.
I didn't consider that I was emotionally cheating, I didn't know you could turn off love. I just don't act on my emotions for the most part I try not to acknowledge it at all. Its hard for me to open up to anyone and I did that with him. When I think about it, I know that if him and I were to get back together we would argue...that was just a part of our relationship. LOL we argue now! LOL Even though I believe its because he is frustraited over me not responding. He has already asked me to marry him before and I said no. Not because of him but because I'm not ready to be a wife.
I know I don't want the drama....I think CW is right...things HAVE changed between my SO and I. Not emotionally but the lack of quality time as of recent has really taken a toll on me. Him and I have to find a way to see each other more.
I've been thinking about this situation a lot and I really think I'm just going to minimize my friendship with my ex to almost non exsistent. I know that if my SO knew the entire story as to what is going on he would not feel good about it. I don't need that, I don't want to loose my SO. I know what its like with my ex, I don't know everything about my SO but I know the bottom line is i'm happy with him, and he brings no drama into my ilfe. thats a big thing!

[Hopeless Dork]

Me and one of my old friends were talking about something similiar the other day. She said she hears a song come on the radio and it takes her back. She is happily married, but will reminisce and think about an ex.. or a time period in her life associated with that ex and want it all back --- just how it was then. It reminds her of being younger and having less responsability of just being free and having fun.

When you think of this ex and think you are still in love with him, I think you are thinking of your old life, the life you once had with him. I am sure you are also thinking about him too... but its like a package deal. You can't go back to that time, life has moved forward - you are you now, he is him now , you both have all new circumstances, and experiences and things will never be what they once were, never.

Not saying they couldn't be good again, but you won't recapture it all the way you have fond memories of. Keep the memories, look back sometimes when your sitting on your porch/patio/balcony etc.. and reminisce and smile and wish him luck and love, even if just to yourself under your breath.

And then go back inside and look at everything you have now, and the future you are building ... and smile... your making new memories to smile about later - every single day.

[Guest]

Quite a long one.

Sometimes our hearts and heads have conflicting views on things. Usually, if you think with your head, you look back and say, "Da*n, I made the right decision."

I think our buddy young jeezy should be put out of the picture. I think he's after you again because you've moved on and he's slightly jealous. Human nature - we lust after what we don't think we can have....and when we do finally get it, it's lost its luster. I think going back to the mad rapper would be a big mistake.

See where your current S/O goes.

If anything, he will help you move on from the ex...and you'll have some fun in the meantime.

Good luck.

[Ahryin]

LOL....young jeezy
LOL...mad rapper

I've been avoiding him for the past couple of days but (my ex that is) I know I have to speak to him soon. I'm the upfront type of person. I just need to be honest with him and tell him that I'm happy with my SO and if he can't accept that and just be friends with me he is going to have to be nothing at all.

My ex noticed my new answering machine message and made sure to comment about it...which to me says...uh-oh this entire time he HAS noticed the guy was still on my answering machine and just didn't say anything

[GlitterAndStuds]

Hmm it looks like anything I would have said...has already been said, haha.

The main thing I will agree with is that it sounds like you're still in love with the IDEA of your ex and what you had. And what could have been. That's always the main thing that bothers us about exes, especially if the relationship ends somewhat abruptly (it sounds like this one did). Then you're left wondering how it could have turned out if you had done things differently. I noticed that you did say that if certain factors didn't exist, you guys would have been happy. Everybody has their "what ifs" which may cause them to think they still have strong feelings for their ex.

It does sound like he's that ex who knows you're happy with someone else, not him, and that bothers him. I know I've dealt with plenty of exes who would be the ones to break up with ME, then as soon as I get a new boyfriend, there they are all of a sudden. I really think it sounds like a competitive thing. And it also sounds like a test...not one that he's conducting, more like one the "universe" is. Sounds weird, I know, but life tends to bring up these situations to test you and make sure you make the right decision.

I will say, I'm friends with an ex but it took a REALLY long time to get to the point we're at. And it's not always advised. My SO now will never talk to an ex. He's told me that the second he broke up with them, those bridges were burned because it brings to much drama to stay in touch with them. And it always makes the current SO uncomfortable, no matter what they claim.

I'm rambling. Haha. But my point is that I don't really think it's the best idea to keep in touch with your ex, at least not right now. You're obviously feeling a little conflicted because of it and that's never good. Plus your boyfriend sounds like he treats you really well, and it sounds like you're crazy about him. Let yourself be happy with him and see where things go. Good luck, and please do keep us posted!

[Ahryin]

See normally I don't talk to them...I mean every now and again they will call and ask how i'm doing...we might catch a coffee shop or something but not on a daily constant basis. My ex calls me before he's about to perform, after he has performed..when he gets home from the performance..when he's at the club and the chicks are talking to him...LOL he calls when he's having disagreements with his son's mother (like I mentioned i'm his son's godmother now)
He calls me if he's bored, if he's lonely, if he's stuck on a lyric, if he has made a new beat..he's made beats for my sister and her dude...i've gotten him radio spots and help promote him...we run in some of the same circles and I've noticed that I have more connections than he does...he can be antisocial at times.
For the most part I listen to him and I think he underestimated how useful that is when him and I were together. I don't really want to loose his friendship but I know he needs a reality check...in many cases so do I.
Also I don't want my SO feeling uneasy at all. I'm trying to think how I would feel if it was reversed...and I know I wouldn't go for it..so I have to give him the same respect

*See what happens when you post on this site...you get good feedback and think things through more clearly*

[LanaBear]

See... You knew what you wanted and what you needed to do the whole time. You just needed all of us to put it in perspective for you.

Young jeezy - , that was funny... LOL

[Guest]

LOL....young jeezy
LOL...mad rapper

I've been avoiding him for the past couple of days but (my ex that is) I know I have to speak to him soon. I'm the upfront type of person. I just need to be honest with him and tell him that I'm happy with my SO and if he can't accept that and just be friends with me he is going to have to be nothing at all.

Ok, but when you see him face to face....

Make sure he knows that, "You ain't the one to call when he want that good sh*t..... and you ain't the one to call when he want that hood sh*t."

Be strong.

[Ahryin]

OK...see every time I think I'm getting to know OHTHERE he hits me with that G ish! lol

I've been staying out of the BX but I have to go home for a week next week. I know he will make sure he sees me. I also know that is when I will make sure he understands my good goods are on lock...cause even though I may be the best he ever had....he no longer has me