Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

resentment

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • resentment

    I'm still having trouble letting go of what my bf did to me. It has been 4 months since I found out he was texting his ex wife. Ever since then she has written cruel and harrasing comments about me and my family on her myspace. I finally quite retaliating with comments back to her to see if she would give up. Now her husband is making indirect threats towards me. I'm about ready to get the police involved with this matter.
    I hold such resentment against my bf for him bringing this evil person into our relationship! I just don't know how to let it go. Also things are just different since this all took place. Plus the fact that my sister passed right before it happend and now my father died right after my bf contacted his ex. I still don't trust him and he nbever gives me a straight answer. I asked him if he would have told me about it had his ex not called me. He said no he would have never told me and he was just going to try to forget about it. His ex was complaining to him about wanting to leave her husband. My bf contacted her first to complain about me wish really hurt. He was seeing her behind her husbands back right before me and him started dating and that was a year and 4 months ago. There are a lot of things that I just really feel uncomfortable with anymore. He never says nice things to me like he did up until my sister passed last Dec. That is when everything changed. He was angry with me becasue his band was possibley going on a three week tour and I freaked out because I didn't want to be alone after my sister died. That was when he started texting his ex for "advise" so he put it. I still feel betrayed and she is loving every minute of it. She even rubbed in my face taht all of my family is dying and that I will never be a mother a wife or a grandmother and soon i'll be alone becasue all of my family will be dead. And this is all being written by someone who is a nurse and who is supposed to be compasionate and caring? I'm still so angry and try to hold int he anger everyday.
    It has been 4 months but I guess the anger is still there becasue her and her husband continue to antagonize me. I don't want to say or writ anything to them this time. I hope this goes away soon becasue I'm now breaking out in hive and had to go to to the emergency room for a prenizone shoot because my ears and throat were ready to close up.
    I'm so sad and I miss my family.
    It will be 6 years since my mom passed on Aug. 30th
    One year for my brother in law September 23rd and one year for my sister on Dec. 20th and my dad just passed away July 23rd of this year. And in the midst of all of this my bf betrayed me. We are still together and I remeind him every day of what he put me through and how it continues because his ex wife won't let go. He brought this evil soul into our relationship!
    Just last night after the benedryl and prednizone shot he was late getting home from band practice an I started to have an axitey attack. Started getting hive again. Now my face and ears are burning. I need a punching bag or something to get rid of all this anger. My sorrow is turning to rage and I need to find away to get over it becaue it is eating me alive now!

  • You have gone through so much lately, and I think you are focusing your anger and rage on the boyfriend situation and that its misplaced. He was wrong for texting her, but you if you can't let go of that, you need to let go of him. You can't stew forever. If you are going to forgive, forgive. For yourself more than for him.

    I think you have no one to be angry at for all your losses, fear losing the one closest to you now, your boyfriend. I'd suggest journaling if you can't get into counseling just yet. Sometimes venting and talking about your problems , your feelings... and knowing some one is listening eases your burdeons.

    Thats pretty much what most counselors do anyway... they listen. We'll listen. That doesn't take the place of therepy , no. But its a start, and I wish you would find a therepist as well.

    The issues going on with the ex seem bigger than they are because of the state that you are in. Once you find some peace with the hurt you have endured, everything will look a lot less threatening, I am sure.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

    Comment


    • I don't mean this to sound harsh ... your bf didn't do this to you... its not personal. He could have been dating anyone and he would have done it to them too. Just so happens you guys are together and you lost your family members.

      Your expectations of how he should or should have acted are fueling your anger. This anger is manifesting itself now in your physical body. YOU have to let go of this anger if not, it will eventually attack apart of your body that is weakest. Heart,lungs, gull bladder.... something.

      You are being given a glimpse of what is to come to your physical body. I speak from experience from when I too once held in a lot of anger over a situation.

      I know you feel betrayed and let down and it is a road to recovery when you lose close family memebers.

      You need to let this go or let go of the relationship. Even if you leave this relationship you have to let this go and heal cause this will then affect your next relationship. If he is a chump then let him be and find someone who will love your heart.

      I wish you inner peace.

      Comment


      • i totally agree with hopeless dork and joy. cant really add anything, but i hope you can let go of this.

        Comment


        • These guys definitely hit the nail on the head with their advice. I would definitely seek some therapy sessions, so you have some help in sorting everything out in your mind. With situations like this, you need to be able to talk about it to someone, if it's not going to be your boyfriend. Holding it in will only give you an ulcer. I can only imagine how you must feel with this on top of so much loss in your life... I feel for you, and hope you do feel better really soon. It can only help.

          And hey, you're definitely on to something with that punching bag idea Seriously. That can be SO therapeudic.
          [FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][/FONT]
          [CENTER]I've got to be direct
          If I'm off please correct
          You're standing on my neck....[/CENTER]

          Comment


          • I have been going to see a counselor. It's not helping all that much.
            Me and my bf had a serious talk last night and he really opened up to me. By morning my legs and arms were covered in hives. He says he is not going to leave me.
            He is going through issues with bankruptsy and he lost his house. There are so many things adding to the pressure on both of us. All can do now is cry and take some benedryl to releive the hives.
            I'm really scared now.

            Comment


            • He left me!!!!
              I came home Monday and almost all his things were gone. He pretended to go to work in the morning then when I left he came back in the house with some help and moved out. He texted me and said we needed to talk.
              What a coward and a liar!!!!
              I haven't felt right with him since Febuary.
              Please dear God don't let anything else bad happen to me!
              I'm at the breaking point!

              Comment


              • Honey, your seething over all the loses and you are viewing this as another loss.

                Not, so..

                He can't let go of communicating with his ex wife, he was seeing her just before you, even though she's married, there is a connection there that he can't let go of and you stated that you " reminded him every single day of what he put you through", he didn't put you through anything, wrong relationship sweet that's all.

                I'm still so angry and try to hold int he anger everyday.
                Everything will get you angry, because you hold so much pain inside, and I am truly sorry for all your loses but it is part of life and we have to move on with our lives and be happy.

                You have to "let go" of all that pain / therefore, all that anger and concentrate ONLY on you at the moment..

                Do not view this as another lose... It is not... It was just bad timing, he wasn't ready for a relationship.

                You have to do this for you, because you can't have hives that restrict your throat where you can't breathe sweet.

                Have a ritual - write each person that you love that can not be here in person, a letter, go somewhere read them all out to them, then burn them one by one and send them to the Universe for those words to stay with them forever.

                Then come back and look at you... Who you are and what you want out of life, as those words remain with those people always.

                Take care sweet.

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • Originally posted by mdraven View Post
                  He left me!!!!
                  I came home Monday and almost all his things were gone. He pretended to go to work in the morning then when I left he came back in the house with some help and moved out. He texted me and said we needed to talk.
                  What a coward and a liar!!!!
                  I haven't felt right with him since Febuary.
                  Please dear God don't let anything else bad happen to me!
                  I'm at the breaking point!

                  i'm sorry that he acted in such a cowardly way. thats a crummy thing to happen.. however i don't think it is necessarily a 'bad' thing!.. now you have time to sort out your life and perhaps his ex will leave u alone now too.. i'd urge you to keep on with the counselling, if only to help you deal with the losses in your family you have suffered..
                  "Life’s a game but its not fair
                  I break the rules so I don’t care
                  So I keep doing my own thing
                  Walking tall against the rain
                  Victory’s within the mile
                  Almost there don’t give up now"

                  Comment


                  • A loss sends a message...?

                    MDRAVEN, I think you will never find any better suggestions than already written above this, and simply want to express my own wishes that you find a new door to open while closing some terrible ones behind you...

                    In all things can be found both good and bad, mdraven, and our Lord's gift is the gift of "choice", that which regulates our successes and our failures. When our choices are wrong, we must learn from those and move on with our lives, use our past losses to help make better choices for our future and do so by not dwelling on the past...

                    When you "thought" you loved this jerk, you did not really know him, did you...? If it was real love shared equally, he would have comforted you in your own losses and turned to you for his own needs instead of his ex-wife. The message there is that there was no real love at all as he could not let go of his own past before beginning a future with you, whom now he has let down also...

                    Meanwhile, mdraven, you have a lot of personal issues to be resolved. physically and emotionally, and no relationship ahead in your life will work well until these issues are set aside entirely. Learn from these mistakes, mdraven, and make yourself a better person by doing so as you alone are the most important person in your life...DON'T THROW THAT AWAY TOO...!

                    Sandra_does...

                    Comment


                    • if it was real love shared equally, he would have comforted you in your own losses and turned to you for his own needs instead of his ex-wife.
                      powerful!
                      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                      Comment


                      • Mdraven- Honey, I'm so sorry that this happened in such a way. Even more so that he couldn't be an adult about things. Technology sucks in that way, people love to take the easy way out by texting. UGH!

                        Like others have said though, you should look at this as one of the best things that could happen to you. I know it hurts a lot right now, especially since you've endured so much loss before this. But I don't think this is a loss, by any means, unless you count having one less thing to get hives over.

                        It sounds like you've been needing to focus on yourself and your healing over your family. How would you have been able to do that with all this extra drama going on? You don't want to be with someone who will disrespect you like that anyway. Just make everything about you for a little while, and once you're feeling good and back on your feet again, everything will fall into place.
                        [FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][/FONT]
                        [CENTER]I've got to be direct
                        If I'm off please correct
                        You're standing on my neck....[/CENTER]

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by mdraven View Post
                          He left me!!!!
                          I came home Monday and almost all his things were gone. He pretended to go to work in the morning then when I left he came back in the house with some help and moved out. He texted me and said we needed to talk.
                          What a coward and a liar!!!!
                          I haven't felt right with him since Febuary.
                          Please dear God don't let anything else bad happen to me!
                          I'm at the breaking point!
                          This is a good thing. If I had read your original post earlier, I would have suggested that you leave him. Apparently I'm the only one who thought that the relationship was poisonous, but that's what I saw. It's going to be rough, but you don't need a guy who is going to drive you crazy.

                          This is pretty clichéd these days, but you need to learn to be alone. Spend time with friends. meet people. Do something you enjoy. Try not to be dependent on having a man in your life. He was obviously making you miserable so you need to realize you are better off without him.

                          Comment


                          • Thanks Cw, Kakie and Sandra,
                            All excellent advise. I'm currently reading a book by Joel Osteen called "Become a better you"
                            I have made the same mistakes with guys over and over again. It always ends up the same way.They leave me.He still has things here that he has to get. He keeps texting me and saying if we can work out our differences. I said no. I don't trust him and I can't be hurt again. He helped me threw my grief at first but then the losses kep coming and I guess it got too much for him. We had different goals. His was to tour the world in his band which isn't even nowhere done with their CD, and mine was to make a life with the man I thought he was.
                            I guess I have to pick up the pieces and move on.
                            Thanks again

                            Comment


                            • You have experienced great loss and pain, its a very natural reaction that you are channeling it into hate, However you need to let go of this and focus on yourself. You need to become your own best friend and start looking toward taking care of yourself. Close the doors to the horrors of your past and move on to bigger and better things.

                              All the best

                              Tasha
                              One can never get too much lovin'

                              "He who does nothing, gets Bored"

                              [outbound link removed by Admin - not allowed!]

                              Comment

                              or

                              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                              Latest Activity On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Latest Topics On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              • Sex with my daughters Boyfriend???

                                Long story short, this guy has been with my daughter for 10 years. They just bought a house and had a new-born. After retiring, I've been helping out...

                                06-15-2021, 09:35 PM By BlondeCougar
                              • Normal to Like Significant Other Walking Around Nude in House with a Bush?

                                Is it normal to like your partner to walk around fully nude in the house with a bush? To enjoy looking at "big chest" and "big behind"?...

                                06-14-2021, 05:14 PM By lakeocean
                              • Erotica

                                I love erotica! It’s such a fun way to get off. Stimulating the mind and body at the same time. If you like to read erotica too, I’d like to know...

                                06-09-2021, 12:14 PM By Zoë T.
                              • Ever Tried Laser Hair Removal?

                                I’m interested in getting laser hair removal for my pubic hair and armpits. I’m worried about the pain aspect of laser hair removal - if you’ve...

                                06-09-2021, 11:40 AM By Zoë T.
                              • Grower vs Shower

                                Does anybody have experience with a guy's penis changing significantly in length when getting hard?? Or not changing at all? I've only experienced a tiny...

                                06-03-2021, 04:40 PM By Julia W.
                              Working...
                              X