[CHANDLERS WISH]

if it was real love shared equally, he would have comforted you in your own losses and turned to you for his own needs instead of his ex-wife.

powerful!

[GlitterAndStuds]

Mdraven- Honey, I'm so sorry that this happened in such a way. Even more so that he couldn't be an adult about things. Technology sucks in that way, people love to take the easy way out by texting. UGH!

Like others have said though, you should look at this as one of the best things that could happen to you. I know it hurts a lot right now, especially since you've endured so much loss before this. But I don't think this is a loss, by any means, unless you count having one less thing to get hives over.

It sounds like you've been needing to focus on yourself and your healing over your family. How would you have been able to do that with all this extra drama going on? You don't want to be with someone who will disrespect you like that anyway. Just make everything about you for a little while, and once you're feeling good and back on your feet again, everything will fall into place.

[Katsaly]

He left me!!!!
I came home Monday and almost all his things were gone. He pretended to go to work in the morning then when I left he came back in the house with some help and moved out. He texted me and said we needed to talk.
What a coward and a liar!!!!
I haven't felt right with him since Febuary.
Please dear God don't let anything else bad happen to me!
I'm at the breaking point!

This is a good thing. If I had read your original post earlier, I would have suggested that you leave him. Apparently I'm the only one who thought that the relationship was poisonous, but that's what I saw. It's going to be rough, but you don't need a guy who is going to drive you crazy.

This is pretty clichéd these days, but you need to learn to be alone. Spend time with friends. meet people. Do something you enjoy. Try not to be dependent on having a man in your life. He was obviously making you miserable so you need to realize you are better off without him.

[mdraven380]

Thanks Cw, Kakie and Sandra,
All excellent advise. I'm currently reading a book by Joel Osteen called "Become a better you"
I have made the same mistakes with guys over and over again. It always ends up the same way.They leave me.He still has things here that he has to get. He keeps texting me and saying if we can work out our differences. I said no. I don't trust him and I can't be hurt again. He helped me threw my grief at first but then the losses kep coming and I guess it got too much for him. We had different goals. His was to tour the world in his band which isn't even nowhere done with their CD, and mine was to make a life with the man I thought he was.
I guess I have to pick up the pieces and move on.
Thanks again

[tasha1133]

You have experienced great loss and pain, its a very natural reaction that you are channeling it into hate, However you need to let go of this and focus on yourself. You need to become your own best friend and start looking toward taking care of yourself. Close the doors to the horrors of your past and move on to bigger and better things.

All the best

Tasha

[mdraven380]

After a week of non stop texting between me and Scott he still wants to see me?! I won't talk to him on the phone and I told him no I didn't want to see him. I'm in so much mental pain right now I can not believe I'm still here! He said just because he moved out doesn't mean that he broke up with me?! I don't trust him now sice the ex wife incident so how would I know what he is doing at his new place. Plus the fact that he moved out on me with out telling me. I told he we have no future together becasue we both want two different things. He wants his band and says that is his main priority and I wanted to settle down. He wants me in his life at his convienence it feels like. I'm sick to my stomach witht he way this has turned out. I will never ask a guy or anyone to move in with me and I will never move in with them. I don't see after all the horrible relationships I've had how I will ever trust a man again. This just sucks so bad. I used to talk to my sister Diane about things like this but now she is dead. I spoke with my mom before that and she has been gone for 6 years. My sister Janet is still here and trying to help me.
I just can't believe that Scott thinks we can just put things back to the way they were at the begining? It may have been possible if 2 things wouldn't have happened. A. he was in contact with his ex for months and b. he walked out on me with out telling me first. Now I don't trust him. now I don't trust him so it can't work and I'm not a priority to him only his band is. This all just makes me feel as if I have an entire house sitting on me.

[WildChild]

Darlin' you need a pick-me-up! I've got an old, new book or new old book to recommend - actually two of them. You need to inject some positive rethinking into your life! Louise Hay's, Empowering Women Every Woman's Guide to Successful Living, is great. It's been around 10 or 12 years, she was 70 when she wrote it, it's excellent.

Another is, In the Meantime, by Iyanla Vanzant. It deals with cleaning your house so to speak. Right now you are in the dank, dusty, basement, you want to be in the top floor love nest but you can't get there until you've "cleaned house". Then you have to "decorate" your love nest - find what you really want to have there.

You're healing, why not do some reading? Buy yourself some flowers, light a few candles, make some tea and curl up with an empowering and attitude adjusting book!

[mdraven380]

Today I did a lot of cleaning. I put the house back to the way I want it! And it feels great. I also started putting up fall decorations.
I spoke with scott on the phone because his friend had a stroke. After our conversation I realized that I really am better off with out him. He sounded drunk and as usual was making no sense. Just like always out conversation went round and round in a circle. Finally I said to him well I have things to doa nd I'm getting off the the phone. Bye then he started texting me telling me he's sorry and he loves me but I never answered. I also realized that as we were talking on the phone he began to slur his speak and it became increasingly worse as our conversation went on. I think he was drunk again. This is not someone I want to be with along with all the other things that were wrong with this so called relationship.
I think I am going to buy myself some floweres like suggested WC.
I will have to pick up the book you mentioned also.
Thanks again for being such a great support system

[mdraven380]

Now my friends Father had a stroke last night. He is paralyzed on his left side.
Scott stopped texting me.
I feel very sad today. One moment I feel good the next I feel awful.
There are guys that want to keep me company but I've told everyone No.
I usually jhust grab on to anybody who will keep me company but now I feel almost like I if I can't be with the people that i really want to be with then I would rather just be alone.
I just feel so sad. It feel so quite at the house, so empty,like it did when my mom died.
But I guess that better than being with someone who is constantly rejecting me and doing things behind my back.
I hope I can still make it through this.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Buy those flowers and a bright coloured cushion, plant a plant in the garden and watch it grow.

You've changed your whole house and you felt good about it, you realised that Scott and his drinking and the type of person he is is not for you.

You go and soak in a hot bath and light candles, and feel the beauty around you, your home your new home... put on some soft music, do your nails. It's all about you, no one else ...

Don't feel sad..

You know, how best can i say this.. You see a car in a car yard you reallly love, the colour the design, you don't recall seeing one like it before and so you decide to save up for it.

Then pretty much every day, your driving and you see the exact same model and colour and realise they are everywhere.

Same thing with things that happen in life... Once experienced, it seems to be everywhere, yet it always was....

It's time for you now.

CW