[maikochopstix]

I have been with my boyfriend almost 2 years now and we have lived together for over 1 year. We have recently been having some relationship issues we have been trying to work through. The other day he told me that he was going to lunch with some guys from work. At 7pm I was finally able to get ahold of him and he told me he had gone to his mom's house after lunch and had no signal (I have been calling for several hours with no answer, worried since he had only said he was going to lunch at 11). That night, one of my girlfriends (who tries her best to be a good friend to everyone and help where she can) texted him saying "We need to talk." Naturally, this concerned me so I prodded a bit and he claimed he didn't know what was up (I could tell he was hiding something). I was able to get out of the friend that there was something that happened that she was trying to resolve but that he had to tell me himself. Two days later I was able to get out of him that no, he didn't get lunch with work guys and no, he wasn't at his mom's house. He was at my other friend's house helping her pack up to go back to college...and that at one point he kissed her (he takes responsibility for starting it) and that lead to making out and touching and lasted quite a while and happened 3 times while he was there. He did not have sex with her but he did say he tried to undo her pants and that she pushed his hand away. He says hes really sorry and wasn't thinking and that he wants another chance but he doesn't feel he deserves it...I am granting that but he knows he has to make it up to me.

Question is...would that be considered cheating on me? I feel that he did cheat on me and he says that cheating only includes sex. Whether he thinks it was cheating on me or not he still knows he hurt me and betrayed my trust and that he ed up...mostly I am asking to prove to him that it was cheating...

[chica]

That is cheating, he is just trying to save face.

I am sorry but I can deal with one time, but trying to say only sex is cheating...THAT IS JUST BS!!!

Stand your ground, it is cheating...

My boyfriend kissed another girl about 9 months ago. Went out with his friends drinking, and so he says thats all that happened...I am sorry that is cheating...

Anything physical with another girl while in a relationship is cheating...

Emotional cheating is bad too..

He may have admitted it to you, but sounds like he is trying to say "his farts smells like roses and it really doesnt" just trying to make it sound better than it is..

He cheated on you the moment he put the moves on that girl...

[LanaBear]

Oh hun - I absolutely think that is cheating. Really, if the tables were turned, what would he think? That it wouldn't be considered cheating on him for the simple fact that you didn't have sex with another guy, but instead just made out with the guy for the afternoon...

And to be honest, you friend is at just as much fault. Why did she stop him when trying to undo her pants, but not before? They made out 3 times, she nor he for that matter didn't think to put on the brakes during those times.

I hope he is grovelling something fierce for you to take him back.

[Joy]

It is cheating if he was trying to go further and undo her pants..... is he dumb some how did he think that would make you say "oh goody" atleast you didn't get into her pants.

trust me he would have went further if she had of let him.

[maikochopstix]

ya that's what I thought...thanks for your support/input...he's gonna need to convince me to give him another chance...

[Hopeless Dork]

He "wasn't thinking" isn't a good enough answer for you to consider taking him back. Him not considering that cheating? Think long and hard before you accept his half-butted appology there.

If he doesn't recognize why he did it, whats to stop it from happening again? If he doesn't consider that cheating... what can you expect from him in the future?

I am not saying don't give him another chance... but ask yourself if you are setting yourself up for him to hurt you again... even more so because then you will also be mad at yourself for letting back in the first place.

He needs to figure out why he did what he did and explain it to himself and you in a way that he feels he and you both can understand. Not thinking? He lied to you, when he said he was going to lunch which means he WAS thinking... he plotted. Saying he went to his mother's? Covering tracks... No signal? Again, covering tracks. He not only knew he did something wrong... it sounds like since he told you he was headed to lunch with a friend instead of saying what he was ACTUALLY doing that he knew in advance he was doing something wrong.

Does he want out of the relationship? Does he want to see other people ? Does he want to keep you committed to him while he has his cake and eats it too seeing other people and lying about it? Was he going for her , if she said yes and let him undo her pants would he continue seeing her? Continuing lying to you? Break up with you for her down the road? Who knows... only he does.

He was shot down and here he is sorry, but next time maybe he wont be shot down. If you love him, by all means work it out -- but its only doomed to happen again if he doesn't even know why he did it or realize to what lengths it was wrong.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He told you because he "thought" your friend who said " we need to talk" would dob on him simple.

He helped this girl cause he had the hots for her and her him, they have been flirting, he offered to help her move.

She didn't let him to save face for herself, and perhaps in hope he would leave you for her... She didn't do the deed.

Guys are "stupid" they think we are so dumb that they come up with lame things like "it's not cheating i didn't have sex with her".

It's their way of explaining away and in hope you agree.

He's a cheat.
He's conieving.
He lied.
He planned.
He knew what he was doing.
He expected 3rd base.

He lost.

And, you should get lost.

CW

[GlitterAndStuds]

I can't really say anything without repeating everyone else... but that is ABSOLUTELY flat out cheating. It doesn't have to be sex, it's anything that you should only be doing with your SO. Kissing is for who you're with. I've had this same thing happen to me, I got screwed over by a guy and one of my friends. I'll agree she's just as much at fault, even if she did stop it from going further than making out. She still let that happen 3 times... and had him come by to help her without you? Or asking you? That's messed up... and very konniving (sp?).

I would think long and hard before taking him back, if you do. Personally, I don't take back cheaters since my trust is gone, and what good is a relationship without that? Plus, by taking him back, it's basically telling him what he did was okay.

[Hopeless Dork]

I agree with glitter. While the blame for any damage to your relationship is square and firmly placed on your boyfriend --- I wouldn't consider this girl a friend anymore. Friends are to look out for you and hug you when you hurt, not to plot behind your back and create pain.

[Guest]

Cheating is something you wouldn't dare do with someone else if your lover was looking.

He definitely cheated.