[drgnfly]

My BF of over 5 years and i have been living with his parents for 5 years and i have been doing what i can to convince him to move out. We have had diff. offers its not that we cant afford it. But the situation of living with his family causes mass amounts of stress on our relationship, we have almost no sex life.

I have over the last 5 years had a few incedents where i talked to random people trough text never wanted anything more with these people but the attention and admeration that i am not getting from my BF. We had a few times where i left to stay with friends to get out of the house because he found the text and he got ****ed.

He took me back each time but things kept getting worse. I was not sure if he was really the one for me or if we were ment to be. Over a year ago i left him and i thought we both were on the terms that our relationship was over i went out of state and fooled around with a random guy HUGE mistake so i left there and stae in a hotel alone for a few days to think things though.

Realised i missed my ex very much and called him. He said he wanted me back so i came back. Well things started getting bad again i started talking to a diff guy JUST talking and he goes thorough mu stuff and finds it and flips out. Well i find out he has been talking to a random girl through text and calls when he sayd he is at friends houses.

So he says i have never been honest and i admit to everthing i had done... about the talking to guys to get the attention and the one guy i slept with (While we were broke up) and he is ****ed now and says he can never look at me the same its grose i slept with someone else (even though the things he said before i left pushed me more in the direction to seak comfort in the other guy)

But not he os not talking to me and talking to this random girl more and more who he said is nobody, Im lost and confused i love him with all my heart he is my world. I know i screwed up in the past. But i feel if he would move out and work on our relationship it would work. But how do i make he understand how i feel?

[Hopeless Dork]

It may very well be a case of too little to late. Everyone has their breaking point. It sounds like the texting you were doing was hurting him deeply. But he forgave and tried to work it out.

Whenever you do something and it hurts someone, their forgiveness is a gift and you should treat as a treasure and not hurt them again if at all possible.... Because although they forgive - the hurt you inflict wears a way at a persons heart, it errodes it. The more damage it takes (especially if that damage comes before the other wound has fully healed) wears it down even further.

For some people, one wound is enough and they can't take it. For some they can take several blows and then one day the smallest of things can cause them to fold. Think of the camel's back analogy -- and the straw that broke its back.

If you really love him, show him with your actions and how you treat him, not just with words. You may be able to save the relationship, and I wish you all the luck in the world but keep in mind people are fragile no matter how tough the exterior and do your best to save his feelings sorrow.

[Joy]

ok sounds like your guys were shot in the foot before you started. Its hard living with family especially for 5 years. Ya guys should have taken some weekend trips or something to get away and hang out for some fun if the home atmophere was too serious. If it was killing your fun and enthusiasm for each other.

He was ignoring you so you drifted looking for and craving a lil positive male attention. That is his problem and your's. No one can live in a loveless relationship. He kicked you out you slept with someone else. That happens rebound sex.... instant gratification. This still hurts him worst nightmare come true.

Now he is drifting a lil pay back?

Your communication has broken down and now you are both being petty hurting each other instead of healing with each other. Its a vicious circle to get into.

Is there love to build on? Can you both look each other in the eye and see everything about each other that you love or do you only see what you hate?

This is a hard road to be on sister.

[Fatin]

humm well i guess if u really love him u shouldnt do the talking thing with the other dude u know!! .. and i think u guys should sit down and talk and things will go good ..

[WildChild]

This whole thing sounds doomed. The two of you can't live on your own and it seems neither of you can fully commit. You need to get out on your own, without him and learn that you can take care of yourself. You could still see each other but you need to learn how to function as an independant woman.

[caterpillar79]

You would be swimming upstream with this. Redefine yourself and how you want your life to be. Set a goal for yourself and make sure that you focus on attaining it. Spend this time to yourself and try to improve. (I will, too...lol - in my book, it's a different story)...

Once you have achieved emotional stability - this includes honesty, loyalty, and open communication, start going out, but please delay the physical part if you can...I am not imposing...just sharing. lol...

[drgnfly]

Im lost and unsure what to do. I have tried talking with him and it usually turns into an argument. He says he loves me and and dosent know what he wants. He wasnts time and space to think... its hard to give him space when i live with him. And i would love to go stay with family but i moved almost 3000 miles from home to be with him and have no family here.

We are still sleeping in the same bed and half the time its of if i touch him half the time its not. But the thing that is bugging me is he is still talking to this girl and its not just once and a while. Its every day for hours. And there always texting. IHe says there is nothing there that he wouldent do that to a person...(like i did to him) But he is lying about talkinging to her. I dont know what is being said i just have the phone bill that shows how much they are talking.

It seams he is trying to push me to leave and im not walking out on this relatinship. He means to much to me and i love him. But it hurts so much to keep walking up everyday not knowing what to do...

[ladywolf]

Hi Dragonfly--

You didn't mention how old the two of you are. Are you very young?

Not that it makes a huge difference anyway, because this relationship seems to have pretty much burned itself out. I think that you DO know what you need to do--move out and get a life, to put it bluntly. Your man is no longer showing much interest in you, and you can't go on living on crumbs. As someone said above, you need to get out there in the world and find out who YOU are, not continue to be trapped in a dead-end situation in which your whole life revolves around HIM. It really sounds like it's time to get out.

I've never lived with a man and his PARENTS for five years, but I certainly have felt trapped in relationships that were emotionally abusive or otherwise unsatisfying and disagreeable, and I too have had a very hard time making the decision to leave the relationship. But after I finally did, my whole life opened up in front of me and I was free to make new choices.

Did I miss him? Sure, for awhile. Did I cry? Yup. Am I sorry that I left any of these doomed situations? Not in the least. I am my own person, and not co-dependent with anyone else, and I live on my OWN, not in a house with people I shouldn't need to be living with.

Screw up your courage honey and leave. There's nothing left for you in the current situation but more heartbreak. Free your heart!

Big Hugs--Margi

[drgnfly]

I will be 24 later this month he will be 25 in Nov.

[sourpuss]

This whole thing sounds doomed. The two of you can't live on your own and it seems neither of you can fully commit. You need to get out on your own, without him and learn that you can take care of yourself. You could still see each other but you need to learn how to function as an independant woman.

Seconded.