[CHANDLERS WISH]

No commitment, freedom, a bit of fun, you don't have to love un-conditionally, a friend, benefits, married, so easy, he can't make you want him and so your safe, you can't get hurt right?

Yeh i admit this is probably why im doing it, still trying to recover from someone who broke my heart. I know its wrong but at the same time I live in a society where this is pretty normal behaviour (that doesnt make it right) and without exagerating there are very few single men around, again this doesnt make it right but what do i do?

Yes, I can dump him and stay far away from him but the fundamental problem is still there, the fact is an unavailable guy cant hurt me...

The "fact" is, your in denial.

You sub-consciously know it's wrong, you know that you in a way have had enough and can't handle the thought of what you are doing, or else you wouldn't be here.

Your making excuses ( knowing it's not right ) as to why you are doing it... I don't need to re-hash the above.

We've all been hurt and I understood your reasons, which you highlighted but are you really only "running away from reality?" ..

How do you get past this one, once you've walked? You think this one is going to be easy and not hurt?

It doesn't matter if he is married, single, in a relationship.. We get hurt, or else we hurt someone else. No relationship ends without hurt.

What part of that don't you feel that you should jump over and realise?

In this instance, there are three parties, mabye 4, 5, 6 pending on children. Can you honestly imagine THAT hurt? When the wife finds out, the kids, their families, the devistation?

And, lastly... Can you really be happy when you close your eyes at night and see him inside his wife and her moaning?

You think he doesn't love her and doesn't sleep with her, because that is what he says to you... Uh hu... okay... Sure, ...

Your giving him a dream..

Your creating a nightmare.

Time to let go of your past and your hurt and realise that you don't get the honors of doing it to someone else just because you got hurt.

But, more importantly... when this ends, when you get the guts to do it, you will be hurt, because any form of a relationship is always missed and you will get hurt.

So, work out how in future you can go through life without so much hurt from relationships ending so that you can be stronger and find someone who can spend 24/7 with you at any given day because he is yours, not someone elses.

You can't have what is not yours.

You can't take the easy way out in life.

You have to learn to grow and learn and forgive and love yourself.

Move on madam... This will hurt you more, then longer you stay as well as everyone envolved. Except for him.. He's loving it.

CW

[despero]

First off, anyone can hurt you if you give them the power to do so.

You seem to be trying to convince yourself with the excuses that its ok in some way. But its not, plain and simple. He's married.
Why are you afraid to end it? Do you love him? The reason you're staying isn't simply because you feel you won't get hurt. You can type all the excuses on here that you like, but the bottom line is, only you know the truth.

IMO, you need to gain a higher opinion of yourself. You're better than the situation you're in. And I'm sorry, but the truth is, there are PLENTY of fish in the sea....maybe you're just looking in the wrong places. Regardless, I'm a big believer in karma. And this is nothing but bad karma. Have you put yourself in his wife's shoes? How would you feel if the tables were turned? The guy has already proved himself to be cheating a-hole. And yes, I'm sure he's loving it! He's having his cake and eating it too. Just realize that if it wasn't you he was cheating with, it would be someone else.

The decision is yours. My advice is to be the better person, and walk away. I'm not saying it will be easy, but then again, life never is.
Good luck.

[Smurff]

wow...man...all i have to say is that. if you were the other woman with my boyfriend. i would beat your to the ground so bad that you would not do that to anyone not available person. and i dont mean it in a offensive way. but you have to end it. you like it or not. he is married! and i honestly do not like woman like that. dont know why you do it in the first place. think how you would feel if you were the wife shoes

[jaygirlweek96]

Pls leave this man! The same way he cheats on his wife with u, is the same way he's cheating on u with other women
Plus there's the risk of an STD
Its unfair and bad. He doesn't love you, trust me! He is just using you. Think about how you would feel if ur husband was cheating on u with another woman. I know this might be hard for you, but you need to leave him and set tourself aside for a single man who wants to marry you!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Blonde, you've been here since 2008 and that's fantasic that you can come here and pose a question to get your replies.

What ever happened in your past, from what I have read from your other threads, is a couple of things, 1) low self esteme and 2) assuming you have to do what ever it takes to satisfy a man.

Why can't he satisfy you? Why can't he be gentle and work his way with you?

This guy did Anal because you were on your periods, how slimy really is that? Think about it.. He should have cuddled you and just been there because but it's all about sex and your all about wanting to please a guy so he likes you,wants you .

You need to work through who hurt you and you need to seriously understand it is NOT your fault...

You trusted I feel and was used, abused but your following the same cycle yet again you feel that this way, he can't hurt you but seriously, your hurting yourself...

Realise your are beautiful and deserve to be treated well.

Please... See that.

CW

[tasha1133]

I think you wont get any better advice than this. Listen to it.

[happy ending]

please listen to CW, i think she has the problem in a nutshell. it is great advice. he really did anal because you were having a period. thats gross, weird and yes slimy. he lies to his wife to be with you, who knows what massive untruths he tells you. what a slimy slimebag!!!

[jaygirlweek96]

Please stay away from him. I used to have a friend who kept dating a married man. She fell in love with him. His wife had sickle cell disease so he kept promising her he would marry her when his wife passed away (douche bag). Anyway, his wife never died, at least till now. He dated her for six years, and dumped her for a 24yr old.
Married men lie to their wives. Decieve their wives. He wld do the same to you

[PJhavinfunagain]

Warning... this is going to be a harsh reply...

I know its wrong but at the same time I live in a society where this is pretty normal behaviour (that doesnt make it right) and without exagerating there are very few single men around, again this doesnt make it right but what do i do?

You are kidding me right...

Yes, I can dump him and stay far away from him but the fundamental problem is still there, the fact is an unavailable guy cant hurt me...

Ever heard the term pull up your big girl panties and deal with it...

Just remember what goes arround comes arround. If you ever get married I hope you never have to deal with this from the other side.

[blondie621]

I appreciate the replies and I guess by posting on here I open myself up to the harsh words. Saying that though this guy is not a scumbag and if you got that impression from earlier posts, im very sorry. He doesnt force me to do anything, he never has and never will. Simply not that kind of guy so yeh hes a sh%t because he cheats on his wife but this situation isnt so black and white and im very well aware what goes around comes around, and ive had the cheating, the hitting, the lying so yes im very much aware of people are capable of