Krystal,
My mom passed away when I was 19. I tried for a few months to act like it didn't matter, like I could move on, etc and I plunged DEEP into depression. Even after I thought I was "out" of the depression, I realize now that I just wanted to move on and try to have a normal life again. Losing someone like that is earth shattering. It completely caught me offguard and there are honestly still moments 8 years later that I think, wow, I miss her and just cry.
This guy seems awesome and I am sure you love him more than you know. Depression can do horrible things to a person, but I can assure you that he loves you 50 lbs or not. You have to look past that and find all that lies within you. You are strong and beautiful. You can get through this, but strength does not mean always having to do it alone. You are capable of more than you've imagined, and you have to remember that your beauty lies far beyond the physical. I'm sure you BF has seen all of your strength and beauty with everything you have been through.
I'd definitely try to go talk to someone, keep a journal, and don't be so hard on yourself. You have to learn to love yourself regardless of what you look like, not because of your looks but who you are inside. Trust me, I have been skinny, I've been "fat" and I have had to learn that if I base my views of myself on what the scale says, it makes me feel unconfident and upset. Yes, I want to be healthy, but it's finding that true pizazz within yourself that gets you thru
I'm sure your BF loves you no matter what.
Get some help, give yourself time, and don't let a little weight because of a tramatic event make you push someone away who cares about you!!
Good luck dear!!
My mom passed away when I was 19. I tried for a few months to act like it didn't matter, like I could move on, etc and I plunged DEEP into depression. Even after I thought I was "out" of the depression, I realize now that I just wanted to move on and try to have a normal life again. Losing someone like that is earth shattering. It completely caught me offguard and there are honestly still moments 8 years later that I think, wow, I miss her and just cry.
This guy seems awesome and I am sure you love him more than you know. Depression can do horrible things to a person, but I can assure you that he loves you 50 lbs or not. You have to look past that and find all that lies within you. You are strong and beautiful. You can get through this, but strength does not mean always having to do it alone. You are capable of more than you've imagined, and you have to remember that your beauty lies far beyond the physical. I'm sure you BF has seen all of your strength and beauty with everything you have been through.
I'd definitely try to go talk to someone, keep a journal, and don't be so hard on yourself. You have to learn to love yourself regardless of what you look like, not because of your looks but who you are inside. Trust me, I have been skinny, I've been "fat" and I have had to learn that if I base my views of myself on what the scale says, it makes me feel unconfident and upset. Yes, I want to be healthy, but it's finding that true pizazz within yourself that gets you thru
I'm sure your BF loves you no matter what. Get some help, give yourself time, and don't let a little weight because of a tramatic event make you push someone away who cares about you!!
Good luck dear!!
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