[sexybabe]

Hi. I wrote about my problems with my bf here a few months ago. We broke up just a week ago and I'm not taking this very well. The past months have been difficult for us, especially the lack of intimacy. He claimed that he was less romantic because of the issues he has with his sickness (he has genital herpes). I guess the lack of intimacy took a toll on our relationship. It became very difficult to fix our problems. We both started focusing on what was wrong with the relationship instead of trying to work things out. I love him dearly but he gave up already

Now I'm depressed beyond words. I can't seem to pull myself together. I feel so lost. I feel so empty. I don't know how to make the feeling go away. I can't seem to make it go away. I already quit smoking and now I'm back to it because it helps bury the sadness and pain I feel inside. I feel very weak because of all the lack of sleep, nutrition, and too much smoking. It feels like Ive lost control in everything in my life and I don't know how to bounce back from this. I lost the only man I cared about this much in my life. That even the worse of him, I lovingly accepted.

I am so mad at what he did to me. He always told me that he will never leave me, that we will keep on working on the relationship together, that he wanted our relationship to grow even when we're married. That he couldn't imagine life without me. That I was the one. He really broke my heart and I don't know how or when I'd be able to move on with my life.

I don't know who else to reach out to. I don't know how to fill the emptiness I feel inside. His words and promises keep on playing in my head, I try to block them out but I keep hearing them. I remember the good times that we had, how our love seemed so perfect from the start. Everyone thought we were a perfect couple.

He gave up on working on the relationship and I don't know why. He is so selfish. He never realized what I risked just to be with him. He did not value the way I accepted him and even the worse of him but instead, even used it as a reason to leave me. He said he didn't want to be unfair with me anymore. I am really mad at the person I love the most...

I wish I could just stay in bed all day and cry. I am really depressed and just can't pull myself together. Sometimes, I wish I could just die. :'(

[sourpuss]

You need to take the focus off him right now and put it on you. You need to get to a place where you like your own company. There is life without men. Sometimes it's even better. Take some time to get to know and love yourself.

Eat right, take care of your body, try to quit smoking again. You'll get through this. Treat yourself to something special, a massage, a facial, etc. Be kind to yourself and don't sit and stew about him.

[Ashlee T.]

Sourpuss is right, you do not exist solely for a man. Your life is SO much more than that. YOU are so much more than that. It's time for you to find yourself, find your confidence, find your self worth.

You're mad at him, and I understand that. But you will never get the "answer" you're looking for from him. People break up, for lots of different reasons. And once you find your self worth, that's when you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and walk away knowing that what's meant to be is still out there........ and that's a very exciting thing to think about.

[GlitterAndStuds]

Breakups are always hard, especially when you've gone through a lot together. Believe me, I've been through my share of bad breakups, and I had every feeling you said in your post.

I know you'll find it hard to believe now, but you WILL feel better and you WILL move past it. There's no way to determine how long that will take, but it will happen. That's the feeling everyone has - that they lost the one person they could love, that they'll never find anyone else that even compares to them - but it passes.

I agree with Sourpuss and BD that now is a good time to focus on yourself, and self improvement. Granted, there's nothing wrong with grieving and being sad about it once in a while. We all have our own timeline. But try to take the energy you're putting into missing him, and put it into something GOOD for you. Quit smoking, start working out, go out with your friends. Throw on a super cute outfit and some makeup, whatever makes you feel awesome, and go out.

Life's too short to waste being unhappy and pining over a guy. It doesn't happen overnight, but I know you'll feel better and wonder why you were ever spent all that time on it

[GoodEgg]

I understand how you feel! I am still in a relationship, but with the distance between us as things stand now, I feel that the breakup is ever pending, as if I have already lost the man I've loved the most, that there's nothing I can do to repair it and I keep going over in my head how it's going to feel when he finally says it despite the fact that he once made similar promises that I was the love of his life and that he'd support me no matter what.

Still, I am trying to stay positive as I can and focus more on me. I just thought I'd post a few tips that I've found useful. (Which is not to say that I have all the right answers or that your situation isn't as or more difficult than mine!)

Focus on work. My job involves traveling and maybe yours does too which can help get you out of the house and in the moment. Even if you don't travel it's a great distraction. You can focus instead on your customers or your team.

I've also found that just posting here and reading about others and trying to offer support is a great way to not only feel better about myself but not feel quite so alone in what I am trying to endure.

Writing is also a great outlet. I picked up a story I started writing years ago and have picked it up again. It's great to lose myself in my characters and their feelings.

But what seems to work best of all (at least for me) is, when you're ready for it, and it eventually happens, is not to talk about him and the relationship. My first impulse when things go sour is to pick up the phone and talk to a friend or my mother about it, over and over again. But when I hang up, the feelings come back again stronger than ever. Try and talk about the person you're talking to, ask them questions about them and do the listening instead.

G&S is right. Life is too short but it just takes time. A lesson I would do very well to listen to myself!

[mr.mansview]

the advice above is all very good..listen to those who have been thru it..the old saying is true..time heals all wounds..it applies to love and death

[Hopeless Dork]

the advice above is all very good..listen to those who have been thru it..the old saying is true..time heals all wounds..it applies to love and death

Losing a loved one through a break up can be just as devistating as losing them through death.... and so the grieving process is very similiar.

One day they are gone and out of your life and you have peices to pick up sometimes the weight of them too feel too heavy to move.

Time is just about the only thing that is a guarenteed fix, I wish there was a heartbreak time-machine that could fast forward you through all this heartache and get you to that time in space in the very near future where it just hurts far less... and then one day, not at all.

Since there isn't a time-machine... you're going to have to try to pass the time yourself and the best way to do that is staying BUSY... its a good time to focus on your career, school, throw yourself into it like never before. The less time on your hands to think of him... the better.

Once you get to a point where you can smile, and laugh , even briefly... you have to focus on having fun - we all know time flies when you're having it. Hanging out with friends, catching movies, reading books you love, taking up a hobby, volunteering (doing something good for someone else, making a difference in someones life can bring new perspective and feelings of self-worth, pride, and just good all over feeling).

Sexybabe I am so sorry you are having to go through this... and while you can't yet see the door that opened (and one opened, believe that) at the time this one closed...you'll see it soon.

[sexybabe]

Thank you so much for all the support. You guys are great and you have no idea how much I appreciate everything you said. You know, there's another thing. Apart from the pains I am going through now, I am also not sure if I still want to pursue my hobby - scuba diving. You see, we shared this activity together. The past 1 year of my life has been about him and diving. It was my childhood dream to dive and I was happy beyond words that I got to finally fulfill the dream with him. Now, even looking at my dive gear breaks my heart. I don't know if I'd still be able to dive. The memories will come crashing back and I don't know if I would ever enjoy it again as much as I did before. It was more meaningful, more enjoyable when I shared the activity with him. I don't know what to do with my gear. I feel that I dont want to dive anymore, that along with him, diving has to go too How can I ever enjoy it again when in all the memories of diving, he is there??

There are times when I feel ok. I try to focus on work, try to eat right. Today I swore not to touch a cigarette. I find that I felt even worse after each drag. Ive been out of it for quite some time now and suddenly going back just dont give me the pleasure I used to get out of it. At most times, I am really sad. I cry a lot. And the worse part of my day is at nightime. When I am all alone in my bed, that's when all the memories start coming back to me. I really try to block them out but I just cant. I know he's ok now. I heard he's doing ok and that hurt me more. I wonder how he could take things so easily. It feels like I didnt mean so much to him. I know I should not be dwelling on this, that Id rather focus on myself than think about how happy he is now that I am out of his life.... :'(

[sourpuss]

You really need to cultivate an identity outside of your ex. Living your life, your past, your future, shaping everything around him....is not healthy. You need to be your own person.

If it was your childhood dream to dive, then continue to dive! Why do you need your ex to enjoy it when you enjoyed it before you met him?

Seriously, you need to become your own person. Not just for the sake of getting over your ex, but for yourself and for your future relationships.

[sexybabe]

You see, that's the thing, Sourpuss. I picked up the hobby during the time we were already dating. He convinced me to dive with him since he just got into the hobby a few months before meeting me. That's why diving is such a big part of our relationship. It was our activity. He went to all my classes when I was studying for my certification. We went together in all dive trips, and we were always 'buddies'. Perhaps when I am no longer hurting over our failed relationship, then I will be able to dive again. I don't know. I'm scared that when I'm ok, I might start hurting again if I try to dive again. And diving is an activity that I'm really very passionate about. Afterall, it was my dream. And I found it even more special that I was only able to fulfill it during 'him'.