[WildChild]

Some people will never feel it, no matter what you do. They are damaged and block it. There isn't much you can do if you have one of them in your life. They will have to recognize it and work to change it.

[Guest]

You can't prove to someone you love them by telling them a thousand times.

Talk is cheap.

You prove to someone you love them by repeated and consistent actions that "show" your love.

For example, doing something for them and not asking or expecting anything in return. Doing something you don't want to do without hanging it over their head and reminding them. Making sacrifices for their comfort or enjoyment.

[WildChild]

It isn't so much proving it by a specific act but long term behavior, attitude and interaction. Ever been with someone who tells you how much they love you and then does really hurtful things? Many abusers claim that their violent reaction "proves" they care or love.

It's a combination of factors, over time, the words only count if the actions support them. Pulling someone from a burning building (which strangers may do) may mean less than making sure your favorite snack is always available or that new roll of TP is on the spindle instead of the counter.

[pretzel]

It isn't so much proving it by a specific act but long term behavior, attitude and interaction. Ever been with someone who tells you how much they love you and then does really hurtful things? Many abusers claim that their violent reaction "proves" they care or love.

You just described my wife.

[WildChild]

You just described my wife.

For some people that behavior indicates "passion". After all hate isn't the opposite of love - indifference is. Personally I have no use for it and regard negative "passion" as unhealthy. But there are relationships that seemingly thrive on a cycle of huge blow ups and dramatic scenes followed by an intensely emotional make up time. If it works for both people then good luck to them ( I pity children raised in this environement) I think it indicates an inabilty to connect intensely in a healthy way.

How do you cope?

[pretzel]

For some people that behavior indicates "passion". After all hate isn't the opposite of love - indifference is. Personally I have no use for it and regard negative "passion" as unhealthy. But there are relationships that seemingly thrive on a cycle of huge blow ups and dramatic scenes followed by an intensely emotional make up time. If it works for both people then good luck to them ( I pity children raised in this environement) I think it indicates an inabilty to connect intensely in a healthy way.

How do you cope?

It is becoming increasingly difficult. Mainly it is because I still feel that there is a better person inside that once she's through menopause that that person will come out.

Unfortunately that feeling is starting to fade which is really hurting right now.

You're so totally right about kids raised by these types of parents. Her kids (2 of them anyway) are just like her.

[WildChild]

I guess I have a hard time relating to all the menopause stuff, I'm 52 and aside from some really irritating excessive bleeding a year ago, which the doctor gave me drugs for and I rejected after a month (those did make me hyper emotional) I got cleaned out, had an ablation and went back to my usual horny self. I have a younger sister that is going through heck with it. But she's been "hormonal" for many, many years and I suspect it has as much to do with attitude and unmet expectations as anything. In her case it started after an ugly divorce from an abusive man.

Diet and exersize are huge with this but She is the one who has to make those changes. Part of it is knowing in yourself that this behavior is unacceptable. I've said it on here before to some of the women - if they can control it in some situtations such as the workplace - then they can control it. I had a supposedly bi-polar ex, I think he is actually BPD because his outbursts only occured when he thought it would benefit him or in private. He never pashed out at me or the children in front of someone who might clobber him for it. One thing you need to look at is can she control it? Or is she an equal opportunity attacker?

Opps, shouldn't hijack this thread.

[pretzel]

I guess I have a hard time relating to all the menopause stuff, I'm 52 and aside from some really irritating excessive bleeding a year ago, which the doctor gave me drugs for and I rejected after a month (those did make me hyper emotional) I got cleaned out, had an ablation and went back to my usual horny self. I have a younger sister that is going through heck with it. But she's been "hormonal" for many, many years and I suspect it has as much to do with attitude and unmet expectations as anything. In her case it started after an ugly divorce from an abusive man.

Diet and exersize are huge with this but She is the one who has to make those changes. Part of it is knowing in yourself that this behavior is unacceptable. I've said it on here before to some of the women - if they can control it in some situtations such as the workplace - then they can control it. I had a supposedly bi-polar ex, I think he is actually BPD because his outbursts only occured when he thought it would benefit him or in private. He never pashed out at me or the children in front of someone who might clobber him for it. One thing you need to look at is can she control it? Or is she an equal opportunity attacker?

Opps, shouldn't hijack this thread.

Self-confidence, positive attitude and maturity are things that you have that my wife doesn't. That's key.

And if I may, for the short time I've been here, I do seem to think that there may be some similarities between your ex and my wife. Whether it be borderline BPD or narcissistic behavior or immaturity causing abusive behavior I definately feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

I will certainly say that if I knew then what I know now, my life would have been drastically different. But I made decisions based on what I knew and believed. As my father always said to me, "You made your bed,........."

[Guest]

It isn't so much proving it by a specific act but long term behavior, attitude and interaction.

Yep, repeated and consistent actions that "show" your love.

[the wench]

Opps, shouldn't hijack this thread.

i dont mind haha i have my answers now haha