[kristalyn_04]

Hey all, I have kind of a strange situation going on. So, one of my best friends is a bisexual male (I posted a thread about this a couple months ago). He is in a long term relationship with another male, but we both admitted to liking each other. We came to an agreement that we would not let this interfere with our friendship, and I am respecting that he is in a relationship right now. I have very strong feelings for him, I might actually be in love with him, but like I said, I have to respect that he is with someone.

Here's the thing: lately he seems to be somewhat distant from me, since shortly before Christmas. He lives right downstairs from me, and he doesn't talk or hang out with me much anymore. He hasn't been answering my texts or IM's, even just for a simple question or when I ask if he wants to chill. This is not like him; if there is something bothering him or he is upset, he always comes to me for support and to talk. I am afraid this has something to do with me, otherwise he would tell me. I want him to talk to me and tell me what is going on with him, so I can try to help and we can talk things through. I care for him very deeply. I have not done anything to lead him on or make him upset with me in any way. Is it possible that his feelings for me are getting stronger and he is confused, so he is backing away? I am hurt, worried and scared... I don't know what to do!

[the wench]

sounds as if he is afraid 2 admit his feelings 4 u go way deeper than he expected/planned...and him being bi obvs brings him a wider world 2 be explored!..or indeed admit 2!
brush it aside and live your life the same as he is and take each day as it comes id say...if he feels threatened or jealous u will sharp relise...if not uve just read more in2 the friendship than he has.
good luck xx

[kristalyn_04]

Thanks. I am thinking about sending him an email to ask if he is ok and encourage him to please come and talk to me about whatever is bothering him. I don't know if he will respond (I am guessing he won't), or should I just leave him alone? Thoughts?

[kristalyn_04]

Oh, and, if anyone is curious, here is the previous thread I posted about this situation a couple of months ago:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/relationships/19333-im-so-confused-please-help.html

Thanks for any thoughts/advise you can give.

[the wench]

it wont do any harm 2 try.........just be careful how u word the situation.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think the two of you admitting an interest in each other may have temporarily muddied the waters up a bit on the friendship... If he tells you everything, now that he knows you like him... saying some things on his mind might be awkward, etc.

If you sent texts and calls and he didn't get back to you, don't push for a while. Sometimes even the best of friends need some space it may have something to with you guys and it may just be entirely something to do with him. But pushing never does anything but get you more stressed out as more and more messages, emails, etc are ignored and the other person just feels bombarded.

Take some deep breaths if he's your best bud he'll be back in short order, I know you miss him, but let him do his thing whatever that is and you do yours, let him call on you when he's ready to start talking and hanging out again, and if you're busy... you're busy. Thats what happens when people put ppl on the back burner, sometimes they hope they simmer til they are ready for them... sometimes it works out that way, sometimes that simmer grows to a boil, sometimes the heat just fizzles out and the contents cold by the time they get around to checking on it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

HD
I think the two of you admitting an interest in each other may have temporarily muddied the waters up a bit on the friendship... If he tells you everything, now that he knows you like him... saying some things on his mind might be awkward, etc.

I'm tending to think the same.

He may be a tad confused and realises how he thinks of you, he may be full of morals and will take this relationship he is in till the end, he may also be closing off because he knows how you really feel.

Lead a little life of your own for a week or two before contact.. So that if that's the case, he will think it's OK to confide with you again about himself and his relationship.

Pushing because you both know you like each other deep down may make him NOT reply, like your expecting.

CW

[kristalyn_04]

Thanks so much everyone. I think what I'll do is just leave him alone, and wait until he comes to me. I have no idea how long that will be, but I know he will talk to me eventually. He is not the type to avoid someone, so he will talk to me when he is ready. I do miss him and I am really hurt by this, so waiting will be really hard for me, plus I am really worried about whatever is going on. But, I think this is the best thing. I will update when he finally opens up to me about all of this, whenever that will be.

[kristalyn_04]

update...

Ok, so my BFF IM-ed me this afternoon, the first time I've talked to him since Tuesday. It's now confirmed that there is something going on with him, but he still doesn't want to tell me, which fuels my assumption that it has something to do with me. Here was our conversation:

him: hey. sorry I haven't been around
me: well hello there stranger
him: how are you?
me: fine. wtf is going on with you? I've been worried about you.
him: meh.. nothing.. just... a little messed up in my head.
me: why? is it me?
him: oh god no
me: you sure? you've been kinda distant from me, you had me worried.
him: naw, not you. don't worry.
me: hmmm, ok... well you wanna talk about it?
him: naw. it's nothing.
me: please... don't make me worry about you. what is going on?
him: no really, nothing is going on. promise.
me: well something is happening with you... idk what it is, but I wish you would talk to me.
him: nothing to talk about or I would
me: ok, fine... I won't push it, but just know that I care about you and I'm always here.
him: I know don't worry.
me: well I'm gonna worry anyways until you tell me wtf is going on with you, but you obviously need some time to work things out, and when you are ready, I'll be here.
END CONVERSATION... no response after this.

Ok, maybe I'm reading too much into this, but this conversation pretty much confirms that whatever is bothering him is about me. I feel that he is trying to work out his feelings and decide what to do about it. If it was anything else, he would talk to me. It's not like him to avoid or ignore me. It's driving me crazy, I just want him to talk to me about this so I can help him work this out somehow. I am hurting and don't know how to handle this. ugh... this situation is just so complicated, and I don't know if my heart can handle this. I don't want either of us to get hurt.

[Hopeless Dork]

Kristalyn! Re- read your conversation with him. He is telling you nothing it doesn't have anything to do with you. But seeing as how your dynamic has changed as far as him knowing you like him... whatever it is probably is something that would be awkward to discuss with you.

I know that If a guy liked me, I would feel mean as heck talking about my guy problems to him... he obviously cares about you and since he is the one that made contact with you know it should make you feel confident that he's not mad at you or he would have just stayed away.

Its good that you were both honest in sharing how you really feel about one another but things are probably going to be a bit awkward and different for a while until you guys decide if you are going to act on those feelings or put them completely off the table as an option. Right now while its not clear, its probably hard for him to open up fully the way he would before.

I'd keep giving him his space and not pry to hard or risk him closing up all together. If your friendship is more important to you than the prospect of being with him one day you might want to tell him that... and work on trying to figure out how you two want to go from there... etc.