[SecretlySad]

I used to think this was something that men did so they wouldn't end up putting their fist through a wall (or through you!) when you have a fight, but I have come to realise it goes much deeper than that. Whenever it happens to me personally, I feel like a child being controlled, "punished" even.
How do you feel about it?

[Mes T]

Yeah people deal with their anger differently... I think the silent treatment is what someone uses when they feel they're incapable of actual communication.

[Hopeless Dork]

Women are just as quick to give the silent treatment as men. Silent treatment is not that bad of an option when a person is angry. Its not such a bad thing that they keep their thoughts to themselves until they have time to think them over and calm down. When someone is mad, they are mad. Some people need to talk it out, some need to cry, some act like nothing is wrong and bottle it all up only to explode over something small later, some need to scream out, some need to run out the door and some run and hide in their own head.

As long as someone doesn't react with violence I don't think there is really an innappropriate way to handle anger short term. Of course eventually people are expected to deal with the issues that caused the anger, but when first upset? I don't think silent treatment is emotionally abusive. Frustrating? Oh yes.

My boyfriend will go into silent mode when we argue sometimes and its like arggGGG say what you are thinking!! But he will come around soon after when we both cool off.

How long does your man's silent treatment last? And when he stops does he just ignore the issue that upset him or does he ever work it out with you?

[newhere808]

My take on the silent treatment from either sex is simple, if used as a means to prevent one from saying something or otherwise reacting out of anger, then it is a smart move. If used solely to "punish" someone, then it is childish.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Control, is a form of abuse remember that.

I felt the same as you when I was married, after a short period of time....

Another area to consider is "in-security", therefore, they go into a shell and can't communicate....

CW

[Guest]

Control, is a form of abuse remember that.

I felt the same as you when I was married, after a short period of time....

Another area to consider is "in-security", therefore, they go into a shell and can't communicate....

CW

I dont know that being silent is being in control, hence being abusive.

but i do know that some people withdraw when they feel hurt, and dont want to put themselves in a position where they can get hurt any further.

i guess it depends on the "why" of the silent treatment. as a punishment, yes i can see that as being abusive. as a self-defence mechanism, no it isnt abusive, except maybe self abuse.

[WildChild]

Many men withdraw to give themselves time to think, to calm down and to regroup. I like the way John Grey explains it as going into their cave. The two of you need to talk about it so he understands how it makes you feel and your need to know that it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you and so you understand his need to do this.

That's assuming it isn't in fact just the cold shoulder.

[danceintx]

When I very first get really upset, I get very quiet and get up and start doing stuff. I'm trying to distract myself from starting to cry usually. I don't say much at first cause I need to think about how I need to deal with this. It can sometimes be frustarting and confusing (and a little scary, lol) for who I am with to see me get upset then get up and start doing the dishes and stay quiet. But it doesn't last long, and then I deal with the situation when I have gathered myself. Now, silent treatment for an extended period of time as "punishment" is emotional abuse.

[Hopeless Dork]

Yeah this is interesting because I've never thought of the silent treatment as aggressive and controlling , in fact to me its quite the opposite... its complete withdrawl. But I guess it IS depending on how its used.

If your fighting and the person won't respond, its a form of withdrawl and if the fights over and you say how's your day and they look at you and look away and you have to go "oh, still not talking to me" ... then yeah thats sort of passive aggressive controlling, and whoa childish. I never thought about the old type of silent treatment we'd give as kids when were not talking to our BFF. I was thinking more not responding to you in a fight... but if he's wandering around for hours and even a day where he won't even tell you where he put the remote... thats, not abusive, but a soft attempt to annoy you I'm guessing.

[SecretlySad]

Yeah this is interesting because I've never thought of the silent treatment as aggressive and controlling , in fact to me its quite the opposite... its complete withdrawl. But I guess it IS depending on how its used.

I felt the same way, until I really read up on it. When my boyfriend does it to me it is like torture, I can't stand it. Maybe it is just me and the way I handle things (not well lol), but it feels like it is more than him just taking his "cooling off time", it literally makes me feel sick to my stomach when he shuts me out.