[Guest]

this statement you make:

"However, when i go there to see him, our sex life is not that great.Most of the time he is not in the mood, when i touch him he pushes me away (gently), or when i put his hands on my breasts he holds back.He tells me that the panic attacks prevent him from thinking about sex and that he is attracted to me."


have you ever specifically asked him about this?

[chout]

this statement you make:

"However, when i go there to see him, our sex life is not that great.Most of the time he is not in the mood, when i touch him he pushes me away (gently), or when i put his hands on my breasts he holds back.He tells me that the panic attacks prevent him from thinking about sex and that he is attracted to me."


have you ever specifically asked him about this?

Yes, he told me that when he has negative thoughts its hard for him to focus on sex.Also , he told me that he could have sex with a random girl and everything would be great.But with me , because he cares so much about me, there are certain things that we cant do in bed because he respects me, so that might hold him back too.But he knows I`m open minded and I`m not scared of trying new things.

[Hopeless Dork]

Do u guys have an open relationship? How is he so sure he could perform with a stranger? Did you ask him to elaborate on what these things he wants to do are?

It would be driving me nuts knowing my guy had some desire he feels he could only fullfill with someone that wasn't me.

[chout]

Yeah i feel that way too.When we have sex, he just want to jump to the point a get done with it.He doesnt take his time and i feel rushed.So sometimes i tell him he needs to slow down, but he doesnt like to be told what to do in bed.He said that he took this habit years ago when he used to have fun with different girls and now he needs to relearn how to be more caring because im not one of those girls.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

but he doesnt like to be told what to do in bed.

It sounds to me like "Anxiety"...in performance, not erection but performance. He can jump in bed with another girl no problems at all, but with you, he has problems.

You make the comment that he doesn't like to be told but also that you tell him to slow down.

It sounds more like, he has a fear of getting it wrong, doing it wrong, and doesn't want to try, shy of it all.

That seems to make sense that he does tell you seriously that he loves you as well, he probably never had feelings before and this is very difficult for him, he probably feels like your the leader yet before he was the leader and he can't cope with it.

Why not change your speech pattern, instead of go slower, to you make me feel good, build his confidence, turn your body around on him, without words, so that it stops it in session for a minute, things like that. So, it's not "telling him" where he's going wrong for now until he learns to start to feel safe and still a man and can be intimate instead of having sex.

CW

[chout]

It sounds to me like "Anxiety"...in performance, not erection but performance. He can jump in bed with another girl no problems at all, but with you, he has problems.

You make the comment that he doesn't like to be told but also that you tell him to slow down.

It sounds more like, he has a fear of getting it wrong, doing it wrong, and doesn't want to try, shy of it all.

That seems to make sense that he does tell you seriously that he loves you as well, he probably never had feelings before and this is very difficult for him, he probably feels like your the leader yet before he was the leader and he can't cope with it.

Why not change your speech pattern, instead of go slower, to you make me feel good, build his confidence, turn your body around on him, without words, so that it stops it in session for a minute, things like that. So, it's not "telling him" where he's going wrong for now until he learns to start to feel safe and still a man and can be intimate instead of having sex.

CW

Thank you.Your advices are very helpfull