[Rema R]

Hai,Im 19 turning 20 and did a few very very stupid things. I know im goin to get a lot of grief for coming out and sayin wat i did but i really cant do anythn about it coz i felt stranded. Getting to the point, i used to basically extend my services for money i think u know wat i mean coz i was broke...i met this guy who at 1 point seemed nice and said he would help me out..so we did it...i did have a bf then too and i was only tryin to the financial situation easier for both of us,obviously he dint know wat i was doin. Now he has a job and i want to stop doin wat i used to do coz i HATE it. so i spoke to the guy who said he was "helpin me out" and told him we wud have to stop doin it...he asked me to meet him and showed me a video that he secretly taken and he has saved all the messages that we exchanged regardin money and now is basically blackmailing me that he wud put on the internet if i stopped seein him...i dont want to see him anymore coz now i hate him, always used to hate wat i was doin and am terrified that my bf will find out and my relationship is too precious to loose...SOMEBODY GIVE ME SOME IDEAS...ASAP

[WildChild]

This is a tough one and aside from going to the police or calling his bluff, Is he visible in the video? Is he married or in a relationship?

[Rema R]

NO he isnt visible in the video and no not married or in a relationship...if i do go to the Cops id be in trouble too...how do u think i could call his bluff???

[Hopeless Dork]

I would suggest you go to the police. Blackmail is ILLEGAL. He is breaking the law and threatning you and is using extortion tactics. Even though he is asking for sex and not money is no difference, really. Be proactive. This guy will hold you under his thumb if you don't.

He is banking on you being scared, young and naive, he holds all the cards right now, as most blackmailers do.... but you have one thing on your side. You did nothing wrong, he illegally taped you, he is making threats to commit yet another illegal act of putting a sex video of you on the internet minus consent.

[Rema R]

i did do something illegal...thats the problem...like i mentioned i did it for money...isnt that illegal?

[Hopeless Dork]

How much are you willing to go through to keep your secret? If he knows you will do what he says to protect it, he will begin asking for more extreme things, heck he may even try to pimp you out to friends, etc... because he feels you will do anything to keep it quiet.

If you come clean to your boyfriend, it may end your relationship. But coming clean is far better than him unsespecting and watching you on tape at some later date.

[Rema R]

oh god that would kill me to tell him...if i told the cops would i get in trouble?

[newhere808]

Unfortunately, if he took video of you doing sex acts with him, and your both adults, there may not be anything you can do other than damage control. Even if you were to sue him for posting it on the internet (he may be bluffing) it's still going to be out in the open.

The other issue is that regardless of the reason behind it, you were cheating on your boyfriend, and in my personal opinion you may just want to be upfront about it. It's better than him finding out about it some other time through other means, and you not being able to explain anything.

There's a chance he may just be trying to dangle you with this cause he doesn't want to loose your 'services', but personally I wouldn't gamble it.

[rcoreyus]

Blackmail is a much more serious crime than prostitution (in most places). Has he emailed or texted you with the threat to distribute the tape? If so, you have proof.

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't advocate lying routinely... but in this one circumstance ... perhaps you could tell this guy with the tape that you are pregnant? Those are the type of words that make scumbags like him run for the hills. Maybe tell him you want to stop because you are falling in love with him. Start checking his cell phone for other girls... ask him if he thinks you are fat, and breaking into crying fits about him not loving you enough and see if he is still interested in having sex with you :P

Okay that was tongue in cheeky... a guy like this one, likely has no heart strings to tug on. Other than coming clean to your boyfriend, or living like this man's slave -- I don't see much you can do. Please don't live at this man's beck and call, continuing the cheating to keep him from telling on you for cheating -- do you see how the latter would ultimately make your guy feel worse in the end?

To know you continued with this, to spare his feelings? On top of being hurt and feeling you cheated, he will likely feel guilty (as most men like to be providers) that you felt it neessary to do this for cash... and even more guilty that you kept it up when you didn't want to just to not hurt him.