[Guest]

i think men and women do it to each other, not just men do it to women.

although i agree with what was said above, i also think that sometimes it is unintentional. people can say or do things that hurt others without even realizing it. i also think that certain things that i may not feel hurt by, might hurt someone else's feelings, and vice versa.

and sometimes we are just too sensitive.

but without more details from the poster as to what was done, anything we come up with is just speculation.

[p3375]

I just read the thread "public spectacles" . That is certainly one answer.. they were taught not to respect women by their dear ol dad!
grrrrrrrrr
P

[newhere808]

its not all men. And I believe both men and women are guilty of doing this. As for stopping there has to be mutual respect built. You need to sit and talk to your partner and find out what is triggering it.

I agree, one thing that people seem to gloss over when their partner is mentally or emotionally abusing them, is that both parties play a part in the process. The abuser needs to establish what their problem is and address, and the abused needs to identify the behavior that allows or triggers such abuse.

Ultimately you cannot change a person, they must make that decision and work towards it. If you do not see this happening in your partner, I would recommend finding a better guy, there are many out there.

[doverstars]

What sort of mental cruelty?

Abuse isn't a part of a normal relationship and shouldn't be tolerated. By far not ALL men are like this, though. But there are some bad eggs, as there are with women as well.

He makes me jealous and ive told him what its doing to me upsetting me and that but he still does it tho last night he was ok so may be he is listening to me after all

[Mocha2]

NO excuse for this.....drop him. I was in a relationship like this. My ex's son was on drugs and stealing guns from his father to pay for them....the main source of our arguments was me trying to get him to get some help for his son. The son wasw 20 still living at home, lying on the couch all day or playing the Wii, NO gumption at all for getting a job, not even a part time one. My ex was a chiropractor who was at work all day and I was at my job full time too. Nobody was home to "supervise" this drug addict. He went to rehab twice. The first time my insurance paid for it. Not a thank you at all from him for it. The day after he got out he was stealing pain medication from his girlfriend whom he picked up while in rehab and his father let her move in with him/us. I tried to tell him he was not helping his son at all. All my ex did was call me the most filthy disgusting names and put me down. I know folks with kids do not like to hear the truth.....but after he broke into the gun safe and stole five guns and sold them for drugs.....I tried to get my ex to turn him into the police department but my ex stated that he didn't want his son in jail.....geez.

The final straw was when I was getting ready for work in our master bathroom and I found a strange cord. followed it and found my ex had hidden a tiny color camera in a vitamin bottle with a hole cut out and was video taping me naked. I have no clue why. I called the police and they confiscated his computer into evidence and found 9 videos on there of me, plus thousands of porn of various kinds coming from ALL different e-mail accounts. They told me to not even try to figure out where it was all coming from. I moved out that day, filed for divorce and never spoke to him again. His trial starts on April 2nd.

Then on Jan. 8th his son was arrested for murder in our town. I found out by reading the article in the newspaper but it didn't surprise me at all. He actually stole another gun out of the safe, hunted down the guy.....shot 5 times, killing him with one, and was found hiding by the cops in his father's house. I had tried like crazy to get my ex to change the combination on the gun safe but he accused me of just being a to his kid....and didn't do that. Bet he wishes he'd changed it now. Not that it would have prevented this crime.

Sorry to get so long, but the consequences of trying to stay with or change ANY kind of abuser are ZERO. We even went to a counsellor who told my ex to listen to me. When he wanted to see my ex alone....he never went back.

Anyone with any sort of abuse issues in a relationship needs to get out while they still can, for men like this do not change and usually get worse.

[Jingleboots]

No resolving it. You can't stop them from doing it. It's who they are. You are allowing it, demand respect. Drop him.

Very succinct and very well said.

[Jingleboots]

The only thing I can think of that would allow a person to be mentally "cruel" is that fact that they are miserable with themselves, so they enjoy watching other people suffer. The person that is being "abused" shall we say, is also at fault by allowing this behavior in their lives. This is unacceptable and you should demand respect. If you don't have trust and respect, you don't have anything. Staying in a relationship like this will have ill affects on you in the future, get out now. Keep us posted.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The person that is being "abused" shall we say, is also at fault by allowing this behavior in their lives.

I have to disagree with you on that note.

A person abused, usually is 1) not aware that it is abuse initially, 2) often beaten down, so that they don't know how to get out of it and 3) often have low self esteme, to begin with.

What that person needs, is support, assistance, guidance and a place also, like here where they can receive such..

CW

[cuff]

He makes me jealous and ive told him what its doing to me upsetting me and that but he still does it tho last night he was ok so may be he is listening to me after all

Control.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Same reason women do it I guess.