[nubianqueen]

Okay ladies (and gentlemen):
I have been dating my bf for several years now. In the beginning of our relationship, he told me some things about his family that i'm not so sure i was comfortable with. the things he told me about them are a long and complicated story (i'll leave that in another post...). Anyway, he himself is a wonderful guy. He treats me well, when we are together we have fun, and he is not like the rest of his family as far as his mentality is concerned. (example: education is important to him, his family, not so much).

My other dillemma is that my parents dont really care too much for him. Number one reason (for the longest time) is that he is of a different racial/cultural background than I. It's not like my parents are racist, it's just that they would prefer that I "stick to my own culture" if you guys know what Im talking about. I never cared about that (and I still dont). I feel that if he and i were to break up, and i dated someone else from my same cultural/racial background, it would be only because it's easier on the extended family members. Now, when you combine the issue with his family and mine, I feel like I am stuck and dont know what to do. Honestly, if it were not for those two things, things would be so perfect between us and i would not have any doubts/worries about getting married.

Would those reasons i mentioned above be enough reason to end things with someone whom u love very much? i guess Im just worried about getting caught up with his family drama (and him with mine).

[sourpuss]

I think if you two love and care for one another, anyone who doesn't like it can hit the road. But that's just me.

[LanaBear]

I think if you two love and care for one another, anyone who doesn't like it can hit the road. But that's just me.

I completely agree! If you wait for everybody's approval, you'll never find the right person.

If you love him, he loves you, there are no major relationship ending issues between the TWO of you. Why end it?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Do you know how many people go through life "searching" for love? Someone who makes you smile, tingle, laugh?

If you have all the ingredients in this man to make you happy for the rest of your life, then you don't give that up for other people, who maybe even made errors and settled in theirs.

If they understood pure happiness, then they would be happy for you. Think about it.

You are your own person, you know answer to you and in that, you combine your dreams and desires, hopes with the man in your life, for your journey..

They have had or are having their chosen journey. You enjoy yours.

Once married, it will be different, they will accept it all as they see over time, just how right you were, because you'll be happy and in love and it will all go to pass.

Keep being you. No one has a right to change you.

CW

[Dezerya18]

you need to watch that tyler perry movie...not easily broken. A year ago i was listening to everyone's comments about issues in my relationship. my BF said that he wanted a break becasue of my behavior. Then he took me to this movie......basically the message is that the only three people in your relationship are YOU, HIM, adn GOD.....stick to that and you will be happy. If it's meant to be it WILL be no matter waht your family thinks. It would be diff if he treated you bad, but it sounds like there is nothin wron with teh dude!!! Keep your head up

[Joey]

I think if you two love and care for one another, anyone who doesn't like it can hit the road. But that's just me.

I totally agree with Sourpuss. if you love someone that much, then your family and friends should support you in your decision to stay with your guy, even if they are just doing it be civil. Obviously if the guy you were with was abusive physically or mentally, then yes, i would agree with their concern over you leaving him and also not liking him, but seeing as he sounds like a lovely and caring guy, with no real need for them to worry about you being with him, then they should just learn to respect your feelings, and be happy that you are happy.

[kygirl]

I agree with everyone else. You both could find someone of your own "culture" that could make you miserable. It's hard to find someone who truly makes you feel alive and happy. If your families love you, they will eventually see that this is how it is going to be and that you are going to be together. Ultimately, no matter what your families think, YOU are the ones that have to lvie with each other and find happiness with each other, not them.

I hope they come around though to make it easier on you both!!

[nubianqueen]

Thanks for all ur replies!!!! Yeah, he really does make me smile.........true enough, we have been through some things (especially this past year). I even had doubts as to whether he is "the one". These doubts really only came about, not because of the person that he is or how he treats me, but more or less his family background and how my family will perceive that. I know that sounds silly, but I guess I had something different in mind.....(my family will be happy for me from the start). Even my sister kinda told me she thinks he may not be the one for me b/c of his family background and that he is not quite where he needs to be in life at this point to be able to take care of me.....after i talked to my bf about this (b/c he's getting more serious about the marriage issue), he says that's all understandable, and he will do his best to prove them wrong.

I just hope and pray that everything will work out for the best!

[nubianqueen]

I have another question too.......

okay, yes, things between he and i are great. there are no issues between the two of us that would be reason enough to break up. but here's the thing.........

I cant help but wonder, his family aren't exactly over achievers. they're perfectly fine with being less than mediocre, and it kinda bugs the heck outta me!!! granted, my bf is the exact opposite of that.......he wants big things in life and is working toward that. my thing now is (and i know it may sound kinda mean) i don't want his parents to negatively influence our children that we may have one day. yes, they have ALWAYS been nice and welcoming towards me, but still.....

Is that a legitimate concern or am I just over exaggerating??

[Mes T]

I don't exactly disagree with the other posters, but... I have a little bit of a different view on things.

I was in almost the EXACT same situation as you a few years ago. I was in love with a guy, been with him a total of 3 years, he was from a different race and cultural background, and that made both of our families extremely uncomfortable. His parents threatened to disown him if he married me. My parents never said or did anything rash, but they would disrespect our relationship by trying to set me up with people who THEY approved of, while I still had a boyfriend!

I'm also an only child, so.... My point is that, YES you should live YOUR life and do what YOU want, but it's not always that easy. Family is important. Is it really worth it to screw up your relationship with your family for some guy who may or may NOT be your lifelong partner? What if you break up in the end, would all the family drama really have been worth it?

I'm not saying family is MORE important than the potential love of your life, but I am saying that this is a big, huge, grey area. There's no black and white.

If I were you, I would ignore all comments about his culture or race from your parents. BUT, if they actually worry that he's not good enough for you for other, more legitimate reasons, I would consider their opinions carefully. My parents ended up being right, in the end, about that relationship I mentioned.

As for his parents, so essentially they're really nice but... not too smart? I don't see a problem with that. Your children's biggest influences will be you, their father, and their peers.