[Smiley00]

I have been married a little over six months. My friends won't accept my husband. We all grew up together and I was the only one who married someone from outside of our "group" of friends. How do still keep them as my friend? It such a lonely world without having any women to talk to. And its not easy meeting friends either!

[kaylar]

It's not as big a prob. as you make it.
You keep them apart and you don't carry
his name across.

Set up times to see your friends, or drop
in haphazardly, keep your marriage off the
front page.

Get yourself some interests, whether art
or politics or whatever, and meet new
people.

I can think of so many of my friends whose
husband I can't stand...or whose husband
can't stand me.

it's not important to get alone.

[tinkerbell930]

Two of my best friends dumped me right before I got married, the reason was that they ran into an ex of my soon to be husband's (she got pregnant on a drunk one night stand and has played some major games) anyway, this girl told my so-called friends a ton of lies about me and my husband....so, one of the two best friends emailed me and basically told me that my husband and I were total pieces of cr*p because of this welfare scum sleaze's lies about us. I was pretty hurt because the lies that were told were not something a good friend would ever believe to be true. I was floored at what my friend (that I had been through everything for her-2 divorces, moving her 3 times, cleaning her house, watching her kids etc.....) would say to me. I cried and knew that defending myself or my husband would not be in our best interest, so I told her and the other friend (who was suicidle and went through tons of stuff, I took to church and was there for every time she cried), I was NOT going to defend the lies told about us and to have a nice life. It has been almost 6 months since that has happened and I don't regret the decision at all. If your friends don't accept your husband, they aren't true friends. DUMP THEM! Narrow minded people are not worth the effort you make for them. It will always be something that you have to prove.

[kaylar]

Tinkerbell, I say, goodbye to bad rubbish!
Anyone who believes anything about me
is not my friend.

Friends will hear something and come to you
and say;

"You know, Mary said that....."
and tell it to you with this twist in their voice
so that you get the signal they don't believe it.

Anyone who takes the side of a total stranger
against you is someone you never should have
befriended in the first place.

It might make you super cautious in the future,
but it's better to be by yourself than mingle with
people who are so quick to sell you out.

[tinkerbell930]

Thanks Kaylar

I appreciate you saying that. I was really surprised that they thought what they did, especially since this girl is a total waste of air. She bar hops and sleeps around and brags about being in orgies, but has kids all over the place that she doesn't take care of. Then she bad mouths the fathers that don't want to be around the kids because of her. My husband pays a ton of child support to her and she tells anyone that will listen that he doesn't pay her a dime. She doesn't work, she lives off welfare and the child support she makes from having the kids....I could go on and on, but when a "friend" will believe garbage and lies from someone like her, they truly aren't friends. Anyway, thanks again for the reassurance. I have read tons of your replies and you are on the money with all your advice!

[kaylar]

Thanks Tink!
BTW...with that Professional Baby Machine...
how come no one called Family Services?
Sounds like the kids need to be taken
away from her...
(meaning, of course...the guys won't be
paying her child support...)

There are many women who use their
children as a way of getting money..
Must tell you a story.

In my country there was a girl who
specialised in Police. Police would
have their salaries garnished so that
every week she would go to the Court
to pick up a piece of change that
had been taken from the father's
pay before he got it.

Basically, she was getting 1/3
of the salaries of six, (count 'em)
six different police men....every month
this gal picked up the equivalent of
two corporal's salaries!

She met another cop, this one was
a Maroon...(that's a group that lives
in the moutains, which fought against
the British, which has a lot of African
holdovers...they escaped slavery)
So this young police gets involved with
her, she gets preggers, he's overjoyed,
(she's not used to that) and wants the
baby.

She doesn't want him, she wants his
money, and breaks up with him, and
won't see him, and he, poor fool, is
so excited about his coming child and
can't understand what he did wrong
why the mother won't have anything
to do with him.

Baby's born, his salary is garnished.

So she's picking up 1/3 x 7 police.

One day, on a raid, way up in the
nasty part of the village he sees
his daughter, sitting in rags in the
dirt, and takes her up.

Out comes some old hag, with
six other children.

Long story...
Gal dumps children at her mother's,
pays her mother 1/3rd of 1 salary,
lives with her boyfriend, miles away
in a fancy house.
Neither Gal nor boyfriend works.

As soon as this came out, gal lost
her means of income, lost her house
lost her boyfriend, and got to see what
the inside of a cell looked out for child
neglect.

[tinkerbell930]

I wish we could call the authorities on her, but around here she has to be on a street corner with a needle of drugs in her arm HOLDING a child before they will step in. The only way my husband can get out of it is if she has someone that will adopt the child. I know people think we are harsh that my husband doesn't have anything to do with his child, but the drama the mother brings with it is too much. She tried telling us that she didn't want a relationship with my husband, she JUST wanted him to be a father to their baby...but she goes to his parents house all the time and tells his mother all her problems and asks about my husband ALL the time. There has been a ton of other things that she has said that has made us decide that we can't be in that childs life. I even told her to her face that I would respect her and her child as long as she respected my husband and I....she turned that conversation around and told everyone that I attacked her! My husband was standing there the whole time I talked to her, he had to defend me to everyone and said she was lying. So, he pays his child support and prays for a miracle to happen so we can close that chapter in his life. SOme day he can explain to the child what happened. It is so awful being chained to that....I understand he made a mistake and so does he...but why should women be able to hold men to that. I had a child with a man that didn't want her and I left him alone and didn't make him pay the rest of his life for something he didn't want....she is well loved and they know each other now that she is an adult, but when he didn't want to be there, I didn't force it on him OR his family. My husbands mother plays the game too....she knows my husband doesn't want to be in this childs life but she invites the girl over all the time and has the kid there. When my husband goes over there he can't even look at the child because of all the problems it has caused, but his mother keeps trying to cram it down his throat. We aren't heartless people, but we won't play the sick games JUST to see the kid. Stop playing games and lying about us and maybe things would work, right? UGH!

[kaylar]

I know exactly what you're saying Tink.
Sometimes one has to look at the Big
Picture and appreciate that backing away
is the only wise option.

Some women virtually use their children
to get money. Sometimes, one has to
go to Court to order that the money
be paid to a third party or agency to
insure the child benefits.

Other women ask for nothing. They keep
their dignity. Others don't know what the
word means.

I'm sorry that the law in your jurisdiction
is so mindless. It should be changed for
the money is not payment for sex, it is
to support the child. The child, not the
mother.

A friend of mine got preggers for a guy
who she thought was free but he had a
girlfriend whom his mother loved.

So there she was, hated by the girlfriend
hated by the boyfriend's mother, having
a baby that became a problem to his family.

When the man in the middle died, the
girlfriend went her way, and his mother
now tried to befriend my friend to get
her hands on her now grandchild.

Didn't work.

[tinkerbell930]

The world is full of these welfare girls that use men and the system. Then they claim THEY are the victims. We do have to pay the welfare office for the child support, but it goes right to the mother. As much partying and smoking as she does, I am pretty sure none of the "support" is for the kid. She has two other children that the father of those have nothing to do with. She married a month after my husband and I did (to some guy that just got out of prison). I truly think she was waiting for my husband to go back to her. He said after the night of drunken sex with her, he threw up for hours.....he couldn't believe he had done that and will forever regret it (he had just come out of a horrible marriage and was drunk all the time, this other girl was his high school girlfriend-she cheated on him even back then) anyway, we want her out of our life and his parents life. My husband has two other kids from his ex-wife (we pay her child support too, she is also a lazy piece of work, he sure knew how to pick em' before he met me!!!!) (I work full time and have always supported my
3 daughters and shown them not to live off other people or welfare) We have these two kids of his every other weekend, but if they go to his parents house, his mother tells them about their "baby sister" and how sweet and cute she is and forces the other kid down their throats too. This other girl is around his other kids too, behind my husbands back....how do we get his mother to quit playing all these games? It is putting such a strain on us and I never want to go to his parents house because of it. My husband loves his father, so he wants to go there and just pretend nothing is wrong about this whole other kid situation....but it is heavy on my mind. If the other kid is there his mother has to kiss on her and glare at us. It is SO UNCOMFORTABLE...and you never know when she has her so that we can avoid going. Any advice would help. Sorry to the original poster on this--I have totally taken it over with my own problems!

[kaylar]

Your mother in law sounds like Mrs. Pennie...
she was the mother of the boy who was
'in love' with Polly, (his 'rightful' girlfriend)
and hated Ina, (the mother of his child).

I can't understand how mothers dive into
their son's life as if they are still diapering
them.

This situation is such that you must dream
of travelling 1k miles away under assumed
names, and forgetting about these peopel