[missdiva19]

Hello Everyone,

Beware, this post is quite long. So if you have time to read, it will be worth your while...

To make a long story short, I'll give a brief bio of my current relationship. I started dating my current bf last summer. In Nov, I was using his laptop and came across his browsed history which revealed gay dating sites. The shocking information was so overwhelming that I went through many phases of feelings before confronting him about it.

To my surprise, he was very open and willing to discuss his sexuality. He did not deny his feelings for men and find some "feminine" men and/or tranvestites attractive, but has only chosen women to date despite his attraction for both genders. The websites are to satisfy his sexual desires and he has never met anyone online. He then offered to discontinue the web sites to show loyalty to this me. Keep in mind that I never offered him to stop.

I learned so much about myself and realized I had subconscious stereotypes towards gays/bisexuals that I never knew existed. I now have a new respect towards gays/bisexuals as they are not all the same as I thought before. After that long conversation, everything was normal once again. Currently, I have no complaints about my bf and love everything about him, but my intuition keeps creeping up on me.

He is in his upper 30's. Now if he has been going to gay dating sites for a long time, what makes you think he is going to stop over night? He portrays himself as a "straight" guy to society, but has sexual desires that cannot be suppressed. The only way to hide his identity would be the online dating sites. These questions have prompted my intution as I'm looking at it from an unbiased point of view. I am very open minded person and wish he would just be more open about all his sexual desires with me. Yes, we have done the strap-ons, but I feel he is not telling me all his desires. I wouldn't even mind watching him interact with others on these sites or allowing me to get involved.

So with my intuition at full throttle, I decided to create a dummy account on one of these dating sites about a couple months ago. I remembered the username he used, but was unable to find it; however, I did find a new account he created under a different username/age. So my intuition was right! When I read his new profile, he did mention he has a gf and he's only on their for cyber sex. Honestly, I really believe he is not physically seeing anyone but engaging more in virtual sex via webcam. I understand some may agree or disagree with my actions, but what is a girl supposed to do???

The last couple nights have pushed me over the edge. I get annoyed when someone is just giving one word answers as if they are preoccupied by something else. I'd rather talk to someone who has my full attention rather than at half. Tonight, my bf and I had one of those conversations. He eventually ended the call saying he was tired and was going to sleep. Intuition alert, intuition alert!!! I really felt he wanted to get me off the phone so he could log onto the dating site and boy was I ever so right.

What do I do??? I feel he's not trustworthy in this sensitive subject. I have given him subtle hints that its ok for him to talk about it. Any suggestions of what my next step should be would be ever so thankful.....

[Ashlee T.]

It just seems like there's a lot of dishonesty. When you suddenly became "that girl" who is checking browsing history, snooping.......then that should be a huge red flag. Do you want to be "that girl"? Wouldn't you rather be with someone who is honest with you? I get that he "came clean" to some extent, but only because you confronted him. And right now he's pretending he's not doing this stuff, when he is......and he won't admit it until you confront him, again.

IMO, if you are in a commited relationship and have agreed to be exclusive, and sneaking and getting on dating sites to have cyber sex over web cam, then it's cheating....whether it's with a male or female. If he has physical urges for men that he cannot get past, then he needs to be with a man.

I'm wondering if there's not a good chance that your man is way more on the gay side than he cares to admit. You said he portrays himself as a straight man to society....so obviously he's used to hiding who he is.

Would be too iffy for me. How do you ever know that who you're with is truly WHO you're with? Who is the real him? And if your intuition told you to check up on him...then why do you believe your intuition wanted you to find that?

I just think that sometimes life throws huge red flags in front of us..........we ignore them....then we wonder why we get hurt. And life has thrown you several red flags where this guy is concerned.

[Ashlee T.]

And I also have to ask.......are you willing to accept pretty much anything where he's concerned, just in order to keep him in your life?

[missdiva19]

Thanks for the comments....I think it just boils down to having a 1-on-1 conversation again. When we had our 1st initial conversation last year, he did predict future conversations regarding his sexuality....hopefully, in the next couple days I'll gather myself and confront him about it again....I'll keep you guys updated.

[workout]

Ok maybe I am off on this but do you not see him going on dating sites and getting off to other people as cheating? The way I see it, he is interacting with others in a sexual manor in order to get off. That is totally different that just watching porn or looking at pictures! I would be more concerned with the fact that he is CHEATING on you than the fact that he is bi.

[Allie602]

I think WO is right, if he was on dating sites looking at women would you be more upset and think he is cheating? He is lying to you and cheating in that he is spending time communicating with someone that he has the potential to desire or already desires. Do you think he is having sex with someone else? It could very well be that he is having sexual contact with someone other than you. I hope you are having safe sex.

He is not being honest with you about the dating site after promising not to do so, what else is he lying about. Sounds like he can't give up his habit. Are you willing to maintain a relationship with someone who is deceiving you and may not be able to resist having online and maybe offline relationships with men?

Maybe its time to end this, he is confused and needs to work things out and you need to move on to a man who is really into you. You are going to be much happier.