[chelle21689]

Okay, so let me ask you this. Would you honestly be okay with your bf spending just about every day all day...all his time with another girl?

[Mes T]

It would depend on the girl and their relationship.

If it's bothering you THAT much then it wouldn't be unreasonable to think about leaving your boyfriend. If I was driving myself mad day in and day out, I'd leave just to save myself really.

There's nothing you can do about them being friends (without it backfiring like crazy later). And they too probably have little choice in who to hang out with wherever they are.

[chelle21689]

accidentally posted what i was trying to start in a new thread as a reply lol. ignore this

[lala82]

I agree everyone.

I was in a LDR for more than 7 months. I do not see any problem that he is having a female friend. I do not think that he is having an affair with his friend. They are friends because they have two things in common: the same work and a LDR.

My two best friends in my home country are men. We go to the cinema and have dinner together. I feel a great appreciation for them, but just as a friend. Even, when I am with them I miss my ex. Friendship is completely different of love.

You are you. Your bf loves because you have something different than the other girls. A prove of that your bf loves you, is that he introduced you his friend and he is telling you the truth.

Do not ruin your relationship for simple jealousy. I love my ex, but his jealousy created many arguments between both of us.

[chelle21689]

Hey, Lala. But how do you deal with it when they spend time together every day all day?

He doesn't get along with his mom anymore so most of his time is spent at her place. When I visited, we stayed at her place and didn't even visit his mom (I usually stay with them but he isn't getting along with her). I just feel uncomfortable that they're like a couple...they do EVERYTHING together...they're as close as they can be without actually dating. I'm talking him going to her family get-togethers, him always hanging out at her place, just hanging out together all the freaking time...it's annoying. I do know that when I'm there nothing changes except I'm there and I get attention and I'm included...but even so, it was annoying that we had no privacy during my stay there. When her fiance surprised her with a visit..my bf still stayed over and her fiance wasn't happy about it but he doesn't complain about it.

How do you deal with that? Even if it's platonic, I feel like she's his "stand-in" girlfriend while I'm away.

[lala82]

Woooow. Sorry Chelle. I did not know that you spent most of the time with your bf and his friend, while you were there.

When my ex came here, my older brother wanted to spend most all the time with us. My brother is so jealous and does not like my ex. We wanted to have some privacy, so I spoke with my brother.

I think that in your case you should speak with your bf in a nice way. Tell him that you respect that he has a female friend. But that he needs to understand that you do not see each other as much as you like it. So, next time you would like to have some privacy and that you would like to go out sometimes only you and him.

You must to be very clever and do not show that you are jealous. Next time try to create planes only for both of you. Do not say anything negative about his friend. Try to be nice with her, even if you did not like her so much. Show him with your actions that you are mature and valuable women.

[chelle21689]

Reason because we spent most of the time there was because he lives an hour away...and she lives near the Army unit. So when he goes to Army stuff he stays over there with her family and extends his stay. Also, he relies on her as transportation...he has a motorcycle and she has a car. She had to drive my bf up to the airport to pick me up...we went away and got a hotel near the beach for alone time though. But since we couldn't afford many days we stayed at her place. He could've drove me back to his mom's on his motorcycle but I had luggage.

[lala82]

I see you can't stand up this situation between your bf and his friend. I really understand your point of view, becuase you been in this unconfortable situation about one year.

I think that when we are in a relationship, we must to be confortable with our partnes. Obviously you are not happy that your bf spend a lot of time with his friend. You feel like she is occupied your place.

On the other side, you have been with him for five years. I think that in five years you know very well each other and have a great level of communication. I think you should be honest with him and speak with him about this situation. As I say before, try to speak with him in a nice way without say something negative about the other girl. Just show him that you care about the relationship.

Do not be afraid. Just speak with him. I consider that we do not have the obligation to be in a situation, where we do not feel happy and confortable

[chelle21689]

But I did talk to him about it before and we almost broke up over it because of the same argument we've had for months. We haven't been arguing at all lately because I've been trying to accept it and not let it get to us.

I asked him to try to make more guy friends and not spend every day all day with her outside the unit. I mean, hanging out a few times a week is good but it's not normal for them to spend all their time together. He knows I'm not comfortable with that...but nothing is changing. Like I said, he claims that he doesn't click with anyone in his company except her and the other girl...a couple other guys he likes but they don't really come and hang out with them when they offer. He said he'll try to make some other friends because having one friend isn't what he wants.

He said he spends a lot of time with her because he is lonely without any friends or anyone when he goes back home. And all he does is get on the internet and workout. I guess there's nothing I can do...

[angel wings]

i understand exactly where your coming from, i am also in a ldr and its certainly not easy.......and yes i do get jealous and insercure alot of the time.........when im with him i feel content and secure and when im not its the total opposite........even thought not a day goes by that we dont communicate, its still really hard but to me so totally worth it......i find that if i keep myself busy doing things it helps to a certain extent...its not the ideal situation at all but it seems that he really loves you as you have been together for so long....and when you want to talk about her with him just explain to him before hand that you are just feeliing a little insecure and that you need to hear him tell you how much it is that you mean to him.......i really dont think that males think the way we do or even realise half the time that there is anything wrong....they handle things differently...