[DNS]

Hi Friends,

I am married since 8 months now, i am actually in the phase of understanding my husbands charector because mine is a typical Indian arranged marriage where parents decide on our marriage and we get a chance to speak to eachother after the marriage is fixed. i find my husband responsible and he loves me too.. though is he kind of reserved and not too romatic but still he enjoys my company.

My Parent in laws are very cranky and they keep taunting me by saying somthing or the other that i dont prepare food well, or i dont get up ontime etc..i work for a big company and i am in a resposible job..but still i manage both my work and family as i know there will be lot of expectations from me in family also.. but my inlaws are never satisfied and if i tell somthing about the way they behave to my husband he asks me to adjust as they are elders.. i can understand that old people somtimes will not know that the way they are speaking might hurt others but my inlaws are very very sweet to there daughther even thought she acts too harsh with them.

i am not able to express my pain in words but there are lot of things that keeps hurting me, especially the way they all taunt me, and my SIL somtimes talks soo badly to me that i feel soo hurt..my husband supports me against her but he say she is like that only from childhood if you talk more to her its a problem so bear whatever she says. thats really not fare because even i have my self respect.

Now finally i know that all these are common issues in marriage but i want to know th ways to deal with it and move on to be happy... please help

[WildChild]

I'm so sorry you having to face this. Do you live with your in-laws?

[DNS]

Yes and my Mother in law is little handicapped, she had met with an accident and now cant walk normally..infact i dont have any intentions to take my husband away from them because in India parents will be dependent on sons. but the problem is she acts very normal when she is in front of her son( my husband) but when he is not there he shows her evil nature..when she wants to comment against me she walks and comes whereever i am and tells it. couple of times i have given her back. but still since my husband thinks that they dont have any bad intentions about me he tells me why will they say somthing wrong against you..

[WildChild]

How possible is it to keep away from her when your hudband isn't home?
You have a job, can you adjust your schedule to have less time there when he isn't home? If she holds back when he could witness her behavior this would help create some protection.
Can your mother offer any advice for dealing with her?

It is difficult for some of us to offer much useful advice because our cultural tollerances are so different.

[DNS]

I understand! infact I do that... i tried to avoid being around her..but sometimes as i said if she wants to say somthing hurtful to me she comes to my room and says it.. i feel really low at times that even my husband doesnt support all this.. i want to make myself confident and strong to face them all.. my mother is very innocent and if i say that i am facing problems with my inlaws she will feel very bad..

[DNS]

But still i do share all this with my brother and parents and my bro always says me that they all are with me and i should be strong..

[herbie]

if all this happens when your husband isn,t around why not give them the same treatment back /they will be sure to tell your husband then he can deal with it .act innocent like they do see what happens .its called fight fire with fire ...im not saying its right but you will stir the pot up and get the ball rolling..

[jns]

Can you use recording video or audio to your advantage? Say, if your husband doesn't believe you, take him proof by recording your MIL being unkind. He may have never seen that side of her and thinks she is always a saint.