[chaya]

Yesterday I told my parents about my engagement and more or less received their blessing. So we decided that I should move in his place. I had been staying there 2-3 nights a week, now I'll stay all the time. He will be riding to work with his partner, he is a policeman, and I'll drive to school in his car.

I was excited by the thought of being with him every night but I didn't think of the problems it would cause. Last night was the first night I stayed over when he had to go to work in the morning. He has to get up at 5 AM and leave at 6 AM so he needs to get to sleep no later than 10PM. Last night, we went to bed at 9 PM and got busy for a while then he went to sleep. I wasn't very tired and couldn't get to sleep and kept thinking about the school reading assignment I hadn't finished. So I got up and went downstairs to study. Then I thought, should I go up and get in bed with him, I might disturb him and he needs his sleep and if I woke him up he might want to have sex and wouldn't get any sleep at all. I ended up reading my Psychology book and fell asleep on the couch. He woke me up this morning. That's when I realized that I had no idea how to act when living with him full time. Men should come with users manuals....

When I drove to school I found out another fact of life, traffic in the morning was heavy, since I hadn't been driving before, I never really noticed plus, I almost got lost on my way to school. Then when I got there I couldn't find a parking place anywhere except on the top level of the furthermost parking garage. I had to walk/run nearly a mile to get to class and was late. I'm on a break between classes now, my fiance sent me a text, he would be late and wouldn't get home to 8:30 PM so I should get dinner ready at that time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be with him full time but I wish I had realized all the problems it would cause me and I'm sure there will be many more as time goes on. I'll be here full time but I won't have much more time with him that I had with our part time arrangement and I have a lot more responsibilities and less time to study than before. I'm wondering if I didn't make a mistake.

[kygirl]

It is going to take some time to adjust. Honestly, it is going to be like that to some extent anytime you live with someone else or move to a new area, etc. I would not worry too much just yet. Give it a month or two. You were both solo before and he had his own schedules and routines just like you did. You have to figure out what works for you all as a couple. In time, you'll adjust to it all. I'm sure it's overwhelming right now, but I am guessing in time, you'll be just fine

[jns]

Yesterday I told my parents about my engagement and more or less received their blessing. So we decided that I should move in his place. I had been staying there 2-3 nights a week, now I'll stay all the time. He will be riding to work with his partner, he is a policeman, and I'll drive to school in his car.

I was excited by the thought of being with him every night but I didn't think of the problems it would cause. Last night was the first night I stayed over when he had to go to work in the morning. He has to get up at 5 AM and leave at 6 AM so he needs to get to sleep no later than 10PM. Last night, we went to bed at 9 PM and got busy for a while then he went to sleep. I wasn't very tired and couldn't get to sleep and kept thinking about the school reading assignment I hadn't finished. So I got up and went downstairs to study. Then I thought, should I go up and get in bed with him, I might disturb him and he needs his sleep and if I woke him up he might want to have sex and wouldn't get any sleep at all. I ended up reading my Psychology book and fell asleep on the couch. He woke me up this morning. That's when I realized that I had no idea how to act when living with him full time. Men should come with users manuals....

When I drove to school I found out another fact of life, traffic in the morning was heavy, since I hadn't been driving before, I never really noticed plus, I almost got lost on my way to school. Then when I got there I couldn't find a parking place anywhere except on the top level of the furthermost parking garage. I had to walk/run nearly a mile to get to class and was late. I'm on a break between classes now, my fiance sent me a text, he would be late and wouldn't get home to 8:30 PM so I should get dinner ready at that time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be with him full time but I wish I had realized all the problems it would cause me and I'm sure there will be many more as time goes on. I'll be here full time but I won't have much more time with him that I had with our part time arrangement and I have a lot more responsibilities and less time to study than before. I'm wondering if I didn't make a mistake.

The timing of when the both of you sleep and when both get up will come together in a short while. Nothing to worry about, since you both have day shift activities. You will probably get to doing some of your homework in the morning. The key is becoming good at judging how long it will take to do what.

Going to school early may be a good plan, using the library as a base of operation. Getting there early will get you a good parking spot and you can use the extra time to study or do your homework.

Since controlling your diet is required for the best results with diabetes, you probably eat a lot of small meals. Just shift them a little bit to accommodate when your fiance comes home. Coming home to homemade meals is not something he has had since living on his own. He should be very appreciative.

His job probably has a lot of overtime some days and not as much on others. The two of you should be able to spend a lot of time together some of the days. Try to do things together when you can.

Good luck. Have fun trying out things, without a users manual.

[WildChild]

I'm so glad you have your parents blessings. That must makeyou very happy. You'll get this all figured out. It just takes time and some compromise from both of you.

[Lunar Keiki]

There will always be an adjustment period, whether you move in with your boyfriend or just roommates. I don't think you made a mistake. It is so normal to have doubts and you may even feel a tad depressed if your Aunty cooked or anything like that. There will be a little more to do, but it is important that from the beginning you guys talk about what each of you expects of the relationship. Even though he works a lot, you shouldn't be expected to do all the housework and chores. If you fall into this pattern from day one, you will begin to feel resentment, and by the time it hits point where you you finally get it off your chest, he will be very bewildered because you never told him before. It is much much easier to state what you expect at the beginning than trying to change things down the road.

[asiangrace]

I don't think you made a mistake! I agree with the others that there will be a period of adjusting. My boyfriend and I live together and it was hard the first few weeks. We had to adjust to each other's habits, routines, bed times, etc, etc. We've been living together for a year and a half now and it's worked great. Just make sure that you two are able to communicate your frustrations without getting upset. I completely agree with Lunar Keiki, you shouldn't be expected to do all the housework and chores. Come to an agreement with you sweetheart about who does which chores. I am in charge of doing the laundry and cleaning the bathrooms, he is in charge of cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and taking out the trash. It works out well for both of us as neither one of us is stuck with all the chores. Make a list with your boyfriend or come to a verbal agreement of who is responsible for what.


The key is just communication and being open to each other and aware of each other's needs routines. Don't give up yet! Definitely give it a month or two. Things will work out!!

[chaya]

Don't worry, I'm not thinking of giving up. I love my new life and will do anything make it work. Yesterday he had to work late, he called me saying he wouldn't get home to after 8 PM. I got home at 3 PM so I had 5 hours with nothing to do because I had done my only assignment in free time at school. So I cleaned up almost the whole house. Vacuumed upstairs and downstairs, changed the beds and washed all the clothes. I even dusted, and there were places that hadn't been dusted in months. If he gets home so late, he has to eat then go to bed to get his sleep. I don't see how he could share in the housework and I don't mind doing it.

I fixed chicken katsu (Japanese chicken cutlets) last night. I made 5 cutlets expecting for him to eat 3 and me 2. He liked them so much that he ate 4 and asked me if I was going to finish mine. The way he ate and complemented me made me feel so good, I had never felt like that before. After dinner, he was stuffed and went upstairs to get cleaned up. After I cleaned up the kitchen mess I went up and he was laying on the bed in his shorts, sound asleep. It was cool last night so I covered him and went to bed. I didn't wake up until the alarm went off. This was the first time we had slept together and not had sex even once.

On JNS's advice, I went to school early, I left right after he did at 6 AM. Traffic was still bad but not as bad as yesterday. I still had to park in the furthest parking structure but had time to walk to class without running.

I'm sure things will work out, and I will find a routine that works for both of us. I love cooking for him, when I watched him eating what I had cooked, I had such a warm, proud feeling like I never experienced before. I just hope he gets home earlier today so we have time for making love. If not I could get a very frustrated before the weekend.

[Lunar Keiki]

Okay Chisaki, off topic, but share your recipe if you have a chance. We love chicken katsu. Did you season the chicken in any special way? Use panko? Sorry--but we only eat that when we go out because I am too lazy to make it at home. (L&L usually!)

[chaya]

I didn't use a recipe, I just made if from memory, it is easy.

I used half chicken breasts. Put it between wax paper and pound it with a wine bottle until it is 1/2 inch thick. Season it with salt and lots of pepper. I let them set while I fixed 3 flat bowls, one with flour, the second with an egg (or 2) beaten with a little water, the third with panko. Then put enough oil in a skillet to a little more than 1/4 inch deep and heat it.

Put the pounded chicken breasts in first the flour and coat well, shake it off. Then put in in the egg, turning to coat it. Then in the panko, press the panko into both sides. Then put it in the heated oil. Cook about 3 minutes and turn over for another 3 minutes. Make sure it is golden browned on both sides. I added a little more oil for each batch.

I had some fine shredded cabbage and made a bed on each plate. Slice the cooked chicken cutlet into 3/4 inch strips and arrange on top of the cabbage. Served with rice and lemon wedges. I would have liked some bull-dog tonkatsu sauce but we didn't have any. My dad always ate his with just squeezed lemon and that's how we had it. My fiance loved it, he used lots of lemon and more salt and pepper on his.

He wants me to take the ingredients and make it at his mom's house when we visit her in 2 weeks. I've been there before, she lives in Oakhurst, CA, near Yosemite Park.

[Lunar Keiki]

You make it sound so easy! I think I will get motivated this weekend and make it for the kids. : )