[Ashlee T.]

I've been thinking about things for 2 days now, I don't know why I don't have any friends. I'm always polite to people but girls just don't seem to like me

My guess is that you just don't put yourself out there. That you're sort of expecting people to befriend you, rather than you befriending them. I think this because you seem quite delightful and have had no trouble at all getting people to like you here.

I was just thinking yesterday about how many friends and acquaintances I've made by going to the dog park. Granted I wouldn't be going if I had no dog, but this is just an example. I went regularly enough that I started seeing the same people over and over and we grew to know each other and eventually either swapped numbers or added each other as friends on facebook. That's just how it starts. You can do the same thing by going to a local gym, especially if you get into some aerobics classes. You'll start to see the same gals weekly. Another thing is, when I dated a cop for a year, all the cops wives and girlfriends became acquaintances and friends. We all swapped email addresses and things would get planned for couples, and also for just girls nights. Maybe you could mention to your fiance that you're interested in making some friends and see if he thinks that's an avenue you could go down with his co-workers wives and girlfriends. Cop wives are similar to army wives......there's a definite bond there.

There are lots of ways you can make friends girl. You've just gotta put yourself out there and make an effort. I believe you are a genuinely sweet and good person, but I know that in order for you, AND him to be happy long term you're going to have to establish a life of your own. You can do it. Start planning things for yourself, even if it's things you do alone. Start looking for things you enjoy and can make a hobby.

[chaya]

Another thing is, when I dated a cop for a year, all the cops wives and girlfriends became acquaintances and friends. We all swapped email addresses and things would get planned for couples, and also for just girls nights. Maybe you could mention to your fiance that you're interested in making some friends and see if he thinks that's an avenue you could go down with his co-workers wives and girlfriends. Cop wives are similar to army wives......there's a definite bond there.

That's the best idea I've heard yet. I'll ask him to invite his friends with GFs/wives over for dinner.

I did join a gym before i met him. It was a one week free trial membership. I even bought some workout clothes and went there 3 times. I was only interested in getting in shape, I had lost a lot of weight and was very out of shape after my operations. There were a lot of men, mostly older men, that kept ogling the women and hitting on us. It made me very nervous so I quit going.

When I first started school here I was invited to join the Alpha Phi Gamma Sorority. Most members are Asian American like me. I would have liked to join but I was living with my aunt at the time and didn't have any transportation to attend activities. I think I could still join.

[Ashlee T.]

That's the best idea I've heard yet. I'll ask him to invite his friends with GFs/wives over for dinner.

That's awesome! Yes, and when you have them over for dinner, maybe you could even bring up to some of them "Maybe you all already do this, if so I'd love to be included, but it would be great if we could swap email addresses and phone numbers and maybe start trying to plan some things together." Then you could even grab a piece of paper and pass around for everyone to write their email addresses on.

Then afterwards, you could send out an email thanking them all for coming. That will get the emails started. Then maybe plan a mani/pedi day, or dinner and drinks somewhere for just the girls.

And as for the gym, I encountered the same thing when I went to a co-ed gym. But honestly, if you go to aerobics classes, you're way less likely to see men. AND you could always do what I did which is join an all womens gym. There are definitely ways around the issue you had. So on top of exercising which will obviously make you healthier, it will also open the door to meet people.

Just gotta brainstorm and get excited about it.

[chaya]

I checked the student activities board and found the Japanese Student Association. They meet every Thursday (today) from 4 - 5 PM. That is perfect for me, my last class ends at 2:30 on Thursday. I can just study in the library then go to the meeting. I called and they said to just show up and if I liked it I could join.

Thanks everybody for getting me interested in expanding my personal life. I'm excited about meeting with other Japanese students, maybe some of them are from Hawaii or even Japan.

[Ashlee T.]

You go girl!!! Ya know the dog park thing I was telling you about earlier, I met a Japanese girl there. She didn't even have her American citizenship and was here on work visa. She and I totally clicked and have been friends since. I love her accent, and she loves mine. We have learned ALOT about culture from each other just by listening to each other. So.....don't limit yourself. You can make friends of all races, nationalities, etc. and you will find things you really like about each of them and you will learn alot about yourself from each of them.

This group thing sounds like a really great thing for you!! And at a University, I have no doubt some of those people will be from Japan if not all of them. You may feel shy a bit at your first couple meetings, but give it time and really push yourself out of your comfort zone with these people. Make connections. I'm excited for you.