[Lunar Keiki]

I've read through all the posts and I think Stressed said it best. But the thing that bothers me that doesn't fit is that you said you've talked to several male buddies about this and they all feel the same way. So have they all been cheated on with a black guy as well? Or are they simply empathizing with you because they were there when you went through what you did? Cuz if not, then I am still leaning towards threads of racism amongst you all. Its sort of like.....when people say they are open minded, have gay friends and support gay rights--yet not when it comes to their kids. Hypocritical wouldn't you say?

[stressed]

Maybe his friends have the myth's syndrome? Or they knew that his ex cheated on him with a black guy? He must have told them about him. I don't think a racist would come here and state he's a racist.

It's like, you find your b/f's stash of porn and see that it's all about asian or all about black women, but you're white. It would get to you a little bit, wouldn't it? Let alone if we're talking about real people and real relationships.

[sourpuss]

It's like, you find your b/f's stash of porn and see that it's all about asian or all about black women, but you're white. It would get to you a little bit, wouldn't it? Let alone if we're talking about real people and real relationships.

It would bother me, but only in the sense that I felt like I didn't turn him on. I wouldn't be grossed out the he rubbed one out to an asian girl....that's racist.

[BabyGirl]

I've been with my girlfriend for about 5months now, and there's really only one thing im having trouble with...I'm not racist , but the fact her last boyfriend was a black man really turns me off....i mean REALLY turns me off. I'm not sure what it is that bothers me so much , i talked to a couple buddies about it and they had the same reaction to it as i did when i found out. I've said nothing to her about it and she doesn't know i have a problem with it, but it does effect my mood towards sex occasionaly. I almost get grossed out by the idea of the past sex she had with him it make me want to not have sex with her at time :S....should i say something? should i not say anything? should i just come to terms with the fact i wont be comfortable with this and leave her ? what to do...what to do....

In My opinion, they key to whether you are Racist or NOT is to take the word BLACK out of your post. Re~read it and see if you are still as bothered that she had a Man before you, one that was very unlike you and one that you wouldn't think she would go for or have a relationship with , IE: Drugs, Saggy Pants, Gold drippings ???

Another thing is if she admitted to being Bi or having a Past relationship with a Woman... Would you be More Offended or Shocked if the Woman was Black ? Or would it just being a Woman upset you ( if it did upset you ) ?

Also, if you peal off the skin of any Human Male... They are all the same inside, Same Red Blood, Same White Sperm ..

We cannot judge you as Racist.. Only you can. Maybe think on it.. Is it Really the Color ?

[sourpuss]

Regardless of anyone's skin color, he shouldn't be judging his girlfriend by her past partners. We've all dated and/or slept with people we aren't necessarily proud of, but it doesn't define who we are.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think when you meet someone and fall in love, you are falling in love with that person, who they are, how they treat you, your attraction to them, how well you get along, how happy and special they make you feel... their past relationships should not play a role in that... regaurdless of race. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? It just seems , not the most mature reaction... but I know that there are older men that would feel similiar , I'm sure.

Would you want to be judged as a person based on the last chick you slept with or the one before that? What if you dated a dumb girl, or an 'ugly girl', or some other girl and your current gf was like ick... I can't believe you had sex with so and so... I don't want to be with you.

Or perhaps yoru next gf, what if she is grossed out by the idea you had sex with a girl that use to have a black bf? Wouldn't you think that was, for lack of a better word... rediculous? Well... you're essentially doing the same thing.

Do you worry about the myths? Do you think she is 'de-valued' if any of those apply you might want to intro-spect on just how racist you don't think you are, and ask yourself why it matters so much.

Guys in general have a hard time dealing with a gfs past, I'd suggest hanging out at a nunnery and hope you are able to meet one that quits being a nun on the way out the door before she happens to bump into another man.

Everyone has a past, did you date before this current gf? People date who they are attracted to, and that attraction can be physical, mental, emotional or a combination therein... you are judging her for having a black boyfriend in the past, yet you are "not" racist, do you know anything about the man that grosses you out other than the fact he was black? If not, again... check yourself on whether or not you are as 'not racist' as you think you are...

and if it turns out that you are more racist than you thought, then no... chances are this relationship is not for you, if you are more interested in focusing on HER past than YOUR future TOGETHER... she deserves someone that can love the person she is, not someone that is obsessed with her former boyfriend.

[respectstepmoms]

I think you may be starting to develop more feelings for her to the point that you are letting her past experience interfere with what you view her as. It sounds as though you had a different picture in your mind of the kind of person she was and now you found out its not exactly correct. Not in a race issue but I have dealt with a similar feeling. It sounds as though you are having a little doubt that maybe she may want to return to the prior bad boy type and that your not at all hat type so it is making you questions if you should take the risk or not. Remember life is a journey dont look back if there has been no reason that has caused you pain in the past with the person if you do you may just miss the best days in your future. Just my advice hope it helps

[Awoman2]

You're either racist or you feel threatened by the fact that he might have been better endowed than you.

I believe you're racist. I can't see what else could "gross" you out about her being with a black man. Just face it.

[Seniora]

I don't think this is an issue about race, per se. The blogger is revolted by the fact of this person being a feral (or "bogan" as we call them downunder). The previous boyfriend was obviously a walking cliche for rap music and our blogger finds this confronting. Not to mention the drug issue - double yuk!!

I'd say he's serious about this girl but, in trying to understand her and her values, he's representing all his insecurities in this past relationship she had with the Mr. T/bogan. I would feel the same too!! I would have to say, "what were you thinking"? or something similar.

We all want our significant other to be special and to live up to our high ideals. The process that the blogger is undergoing at the moment is trying to equate the ideal with the reality. Good luck - and YOU ARE NOT AT ALL UNUSUAL!