[respectstepmoms]

I have to agree with pretzel. It sounds like deep down you may have a insecurity with the age difference because we normally under the worse circumstances dont say what we dont feel at the time. I would suggest you take this time to soul search and decde if you may have an underlying issue with the age also it makes me wonder why you wouldnt just take him out with you. hope this helps.

[Agony_Aunt]

I have to agree with pretzel. It sounds like deep down you may have a insecurity with the age difference because we normally under the worse circumstances dont say what we dont feel at the time. I would suggest you take this time to soul search and decde if you may have an underlying issue with the age also it makes me wonder why you wouldnt just take him out with you. hope this helps.

In previous reply's, I had stated that it was a kind of girls night out and he had some friends over to his for a poker night. And we're fine with going out with friends together or seperatly. .
.
What I said will, and most probably has knocked his confidence in the relationship. I feel awful and so stupid for saying it. This is the first row/argument to happen regarding the age.
I don't have any issue's with his age, but I am going to have to take time to try to figure out and understand why I said it.

[respectstepmoms]

At least you can admit you were wrong. So remember how you feel about him and dont let your pride interfere with following through. You made this mess now you do have to fix it if you want to make him understand. So be persistent but understanding at the same time. good luck and I hope you find the words you need to make him understand you didnt mean it.

[pretzel]

I definately agree with you (and others as well) that this has done some (possible major) damage. I know I can't offer any suggestions to "fix" it or even make it go away. You're right, you have to understand why it was said even if it's only a heat of the moment type comment. Yeah we do sometimes say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment. I know I've been guilty of that more than my fair share of times.

Sometimes we do just say stupid things at stupid moments. About the only thing we can do is admit it and hope for the best.

[Agony_Aunt]

At least you can admit you were wrong. So remember how you feel about him and dont let your pride interfere with following through. You made this mess now you do have to fix it if you want to make him understand. So be persistent but understanding at the same time. good luck and I hope you find the words you need to make him understand you didnt mean it.

I was completely wrong and out of order for saying it, and I deeply regret it.

Thank You, for your support

[Agony_Aunt]

I definately agree with you (and others as well) that this has done some (possible major) damage. I know I can't offer any suggestions to "fix" it or even make it go away. You're right, you have to understand why it was said even if it's only a heat of the moment type comment. Yeah we do sometimes say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment. I know I've been guilty of that more than my fair share of times.

Sometimes we do just say stupid things at stupid moments. About the only thing we can do is admit it and hope for the best.

Yeah, I can't wrap my head around why I said that particular thing out of all the other things I could have said.
I sent him a text on tuesday after a few calls that went un-answered. Just saying how sorry I was and I didn't mean it.
Hoping things will be resolved. I'll keep you's posted

[Lunar Keiki]

You know, we all say stupid things that we regret. Time is the healer of everything. Give it a little while and if the feelings you both have for each other is strong, you will work it out. When you talk to him, don't make any excuses for what you said--simply apologize and say that there was no reason for what you said. Don't try and say you thought he was giving it to you for wanting to stay home or anything. Just apologize and tell him that you were an idiot for being so callous and can he ever forgive you. I am sure you will weather this.

[Hopeless Dork]

If a girl had a fear her bf thought she was too fat, and so would ask him and he always reassured her ' no, dear, i don't think you are fat, you are perfect'... which worked well to calm her fears... even though she still occasionally worried about it. Then that couple has an argument and the guy says 'well, maybe if you lost some weight... etc etc" her weight being irrelevent to the discussion, thrown in simply to hurt, would not only confirm her worst fears but also reveal him to be insensitive and deceptive in his true feelings.

The age comment you through at him... didn't even fit into the conversation, you said you are young enough to still go out and party, yet you were too hungover to do anything the next morning? so it kind of didn't even make sense to your point... know what I mean? So it seems it was said , as a third party hearing it... to 'put him in his place'.

Men have more fragile ego's than women do... no man likes to feel like someone is doing him a favor being with him, and your comment wreaked of pity, like okay old man... whatever.

While you didn't mean the way you said it, it will stain in his memory as 'your true feelings on the age issue'... that you do hold some reservations about it, uh,, thats normal though... if its significant... you probably are at different phases in life and situations like this are bound to keep occuring anyway, so he either has to get use to the fact that you both are at a different level of development or start dating women closer to his maturity range, either in age or emotionally.

If you are a party girl who loves hanging with her besties, and he's a homebody ... yeah you'll clash and you won't be happy sitting at bridge tournaments and he wont be happy at a loud nightclub.

[Ashlee T.]

I'd suggest giving this a couple days to cool off and then ask him to dinner to talk. Explain to him (calmly) that you deeply regret spouting off at the mouth and that it's a problem with yourself that you need to work on and have been trying to. Acknowledge that you understand words cannot be taken back once said and that the last thing you wanted to do was hurt him. This was already an insecurity in the relationship, and clearly not just for him, but for you too (else you wouldn't have said it.......) and what you said just fed it. You can't take it back. If you truly do not have a problem with his age, his likes/dislikes, etc then profess that to him and promise him you'll make a HUGE effort in the future to control thy mouth. The tongue is sharp as a knife my friend....and coming from someone who ALSO has a sharp tongue, I know it's hard, but I know it can be controlled.

And besides, I know lots of people in their mid-late 30's and older that go out to clubs and socialize.

[Agony_Aunt]

Thinking back on the way it all went. After he had said I'd blown him off twice last week because of my friends.
That is when I thought he was being a little un-fair, I see him about 5 times a week. 2 or 3 times during the week and we spend the weekend's together.
My friends had come home from England for 2 weeks (last week and this week), I hadn't seen them since they left at the end of August and he knew I was looking forward to seeing them.
So I was a little peeved when he started saying I was blowing him off for them, because I don;t get to see them now half as much as I did.
I thought he would understand they are only here for 2 weeks now and won't be back until christmas.
So then on the day I had the hangover and didn't want to see him, I think I may have took that as he was complaining about me having a hangover from being out with my friends. And mistakingly took it as if he was giving out about blowing him off again, and that is why I snapped. It felt as if he was giving out about "Youthful antics".
And after I'd said the worst to him, he was shocked that I had said it.

I feel so bad now, because it wasn't just like an insult, I said something that has damaged his confidence in the relationship, and most of all, I know it has really hurt him, and I feel terrible about it. I've been kicking myself since, and feel so stupid about it. I knew he had some issue's with this within the relationship and we were slowly building on it, and then I basically just went with a wrecking ball and hit him with such a horrible thing to say.
I'm really hoping he can see how much I regret it, and how it was never intended to hurt him.