[Guest]

I am trying. So hard. But her sexual history now plays on my head, over and over. A horrible movie that I can't turn off. I'm starting to lose my libido over this. seing this guy really got to me. He was such a walking cliche. Big ex jock, balding. A stupid-looking brute. At least that's how my jealous side sees him.

She says her past was riddled with sexual incompatibility. And that it's never been satisfying until she found me. , she's only had three partners and the longest they lasted was just over a year. Her last relationship actually became asexual as they simply lot their mojo.

I spent my 20s with the wrong person. I was in a sexless marriage that lasted 10 years longer than it should. I should be overjoyed at the fact that I have a sex life and I woman I connect with on so many levels. I know she's the enlightened one. The one that kept looking instead of settling. I didn't and look what happened.

I can't stop feeling inferior and jealous. It hurts so envision her with them - and especially with the "bald Joe Namath". I NEED it to stop.

[Texinator]

I was in a sexless marriage

Do you think that might have affected your confidence? For example, did you ever worry that the marriage was sexless because she might not be attracted to you, and now you worry about being able to satisfy your girlfriend?

[SSDS]

Hello newdewd First of all, I have to say I agree with the others' advice, forget about it if you want any clarity. If you know that you are not capable of doing so, then for the sake of you and your gf let her go. I have been on the other side of this question. I, like your gf, have a past. That is simply because I'm in my thirties. It would be difficult to find anyone out of hs to not have had some sort of previous experience. I will tell you that I became very tired explaining my PAST actions, and constantly validating the person I was with. It is exhausting, and more importantly not fair.

You can not hold anything she did against her, even if he was capt. of the f'ing football team and an underwear model. You weren't there at that time, but you are now. Enjoy it and understand that she is no longer with any of her exes...this is probably for a reason. If she were as hung up on them as you, she'd probably still be with them.

[lizzardb63]

Here is the bottom line... SHE IS WITH YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. If she wanted to be with them SHE WOULD BE. Stop worrying about it so much and focus more on what you have than her past. Its not fair to her...you're probably so worried about her past that you dont even realize how into you she probably is! Soon enough, she'll feel neglected or irritated and leave. SHE IS WITH YOU....NOT THEM...MOVE ON!

[Guest]

Good point, but, quite frankly, that relationship was flawed on so many levels that the sex couldn't possibly be good. We were incompatible in every way imaginable. So, as a result, sex was the last thing we thought about.

In this relationship, our sex live is healthy, to say the least. We really click. And I know that I really satisfy her. It's quite obvious.

I just feel trapped in the mind of a 15 year old, as I never dated around. I met and married my one and only girlfriend. So now, at 34, I'm picking up where I left off/started. As a teenager in a man's body. A guy who wants to date and relate to women as an adult, with no experience at all. She was my first girlfriend, My first sexual partner. My first everything. Now my new girl is my first "experienced partner". I'm just trying to get the insight and acceptance most of you gained a long time ago. It's really proving to be difficult as I've never been a jealous or insecure person before this.

She's my first adult relationship. One that presents me with a challenge I've never faced before. Competition. Her past. Her exes. Normal/standard to everyone else. Completely foreign and quite challenging to me. It's really a race against time. I know and understand that she can only put up with so much. , I don't blame her. I'm just reaching out to get some perspective from others that have successfully dealt with this long ago.

[Guest]

Unfortunately, it feels like I will have to let go. I can't seem to come to terms with this. I have tried and failed so many times. I'm done. Maybe in the future, I'll have the right frame of mind to be with someone. But now? I just can't. Thanks for your kind words and comments. I really appreciate it.

[WildChild]

I think sone counseling would be a good idea. Chances are this isn't just going to go away. If this relationship fails because of it the next amy not be any better. This can not only mess you up but her as well. I once had a relationship with man who was insanely jealous. He imagined that I had had sex with every guy I'd ever met. If a man looked at me, he got ****y, if one actually knew my name and said hello, it meant we'd spend the entire evening with him making accusations and me defending. I was too young to realize how damaging it was. When we finally broke up I very nearly hated that myself for being attractive. It took time to get past that.

You need to get past this for both of you.

[Guest]

Aw c'mon, flick the switch, get over it. it may not appear to be that easy and it may not be, but the decision to change is that easy. Unless she's told you in graphic detail, you have no idea what her "sexual history" is with any of her former partners. She's told you that there were problems and she didn't feel good until after you were together...so go with that. Let it go....you can...and you must, IF you really love her and want what you have to last. If not, then don't, you'll screw it up, she get tired of you being so insecure and she'll leave.

In this life, you are either contributing to it or contaminating it.
Which are you doing by thinking/behaving the way you are?

[Ashlee T.]

Ahhh...my friend...you give up too easy on the woman you love. Fight for her, even if that means fighting your own demons. You've identified what causes it, (your past, lack of relationships, lack of competition, lack of intimacy in previous marriage, etc). That's your first step. Then it's a matter of learning how to DEAL with it, which you seem to be trying very hard to do. But honestly....if you've just begun counseling, I'm not sure you have given this a fair fight. But only you know that.

You see, we all have insecurities. Most of them are a result of something we've experienced in the past. I'm dating someone new now, for the past two months. Taking things slow and really enjoying it. We laugh alot and say almost everything that's on our minds to each other. He text me earlier and said "I'm horny!!!!". My first thought was "Ohh..I wish he was here!", but then my demons started creeping in and I thought "WAIT a minute, wonder where he is and who he just saw that made him so horny!?!?" Then I told myself "Stop it, I will not let you ruin this!". . My initial response was happiness, but then I immediately tried to deprive myself of that happiness by twisting it around in my own head. But I was able to stop that. So see......self talk.....over and over and over.....it works.

If you've given it your all, and you just cant get past this with her, then I think peacing and parting is the best bet. But from what you've said...I'm not convinced you've given it your all yet. I think continued counseling, continuing to be honest with yourself, and learning to self talk is what you need. But..........you know you best.

[sourpuss]

I'm not a shrink, not even close. You keep saying you don't want to be this way, but it doesn't really seem like you want to stop. Maybe ask your doctor during your next session about why you want to sabotage your relationships because my guess is that if he was your height, or shorter, you'd be obsessing over something else that would ruin the relationship.