[Hopeless Dork]

You love this woman right? Well, you have to keep in mind the way life works... the way fate moves.. everything that ever happened in her life, everything that ever happened in your life... lead you guys to where you met and subsequently fell in love. Any deviation from her past or your past and your paths may never have crossed. Instead of looking at her past as some doomed dark place you wish you could wipe... instead see it as all the roadmap that lead her to you, where she was supposed to end up.

[stressed]

First of all, if you give up on this now due to your insecurities then you don't have many chances to make it better in your next relationship, when the next woman will have had even more than 3 sexual partners. What if all of those won't look anything like you then? Will you leave again?

Have you ever been jealous of your ex wife? You seem like someone who's never been jealous before. As if you were never worried about your ex-wife looking at another man or wanting someone else. This is both good and bad, as having been jealous at some point in the past would give you the experience to handle this now.

She may have had 2 sexual partners more than you've had, but you are the one with the most long-term relationship experience. You were with the same woman for 10+ years, her longest relationship was 1 year. Having more sexual partners doesn't immediately make her 100 times more sexually experienced than you. I don't know how much sex you had with your ex, but I'm quite sure you've had more sex than she's had.

Her ex'es may look different but that doesn't mean that she "makes an exception" by being with you. There isn't only one "right" type of man/woman for each person. Also, one doesn't start a relationship based on the appearance only. It is wrong to think that she got in those relationships just because they were tall or because of their appearance, nobody does that. Some people say to friends "I prefer blondes" or "I prefer masculine guys" but when it comes down to relationships this goes out the window. Your girlfriend didn't scan and compare your looks to her ex'es, she decided to be with you for the way you look and for the man you are.

She wouldn't say she wasn't sexually satisfied if she was, she has nothing to gain by lying about this. If she was satisfied by them she simply wouldn't say anything to you about it, as it would be pointless. But the fact she says so it's something you have to keep in mind. If anything, you must try to see it like "I'm better for her than those tall guys".

Also, I don't see why you have to shake the guys' hand for? Does she still have contact with them? Since they bother you so much you don't have to greet them or anything, it's your right to want nothing to do with them. They're supposed to stay in the past, not hang around for a coffee with you two. I hope she can understand this and not make it any worse for you by talking to them given the chance.

None of this is "to make you feel better", but it's the truth. The problem is that some kind of fear/panic prevents you from accepting the truth and it's not the fear of losing her, it's some deeper fear you have to explore and find by yourself. Experience is irrelevant here, either of relationships or sexual. When you are crazy about someone as you are about her you can't let experience get in the way, you give all you've got and only expect the other to do the same.

You worry about her ex'es because you feel inadequate in some way, otherwise you wouldn't pay attention to their looks. Find out why and in what way.

[Guest]

Is being with a big guy -stature not down south - that much different than being with someone of average height? I keep picturing this 6ft 2 dude completely dominating my girl because of the difference in their size. I'm not a small guy, 5ft10, 180, but I feel like she's so used to big men, that I may seem very small in comparison.

[Ashlee T.]

No. There is literally a 4 inch difference. And in height, that's nothing. The average height of US men ranges anywhere from 5'7" to 5'10 and for women 5'2" to 5'5". I'm 5'3", and the guy I'm dating right now is a tall skinny 6'3". The ONLY time it feels different at all is when we hug, or kiss goodnight. The guy I dated before him was 5'4" but stocky and muscular. Neither guy dominated me. I dated a guy who was 5'8ish once and he was aggressive in the bedroom and did try to dominate me. He wasn't big by any means, but not small....just an average sized dude. I can tell you that height and weight is NOT indicative of how a man behaves in the bedroom.

What does your girlfriend look like? What did your ex wife look like? Do you find yourself attracted to mainly small petite built females? If so, do you think it may be a matter of YOU wanting to feel like the big strong man and now that you've seen she's been with someone who's physically bigger than you, it takes away your "big strong man" complex?

Take a look at the line below:

__________________________________________________ ____

I've just shown you very close to 4 inches. Take a look closely....because what you see, that line, is what you're about to let ruin your relationship and what you're using to cheat yourself out of happiness.

[Guest]

I know. You're right. It's crazy. I've always been very confident with women and have always been quite popular with them. I even did some catalogue modeling when I was younger, so my looks are not an issue. Well, they weren't before.

It's the mental images that kill me. A big, buff football player having his way with my petite girl. It's hard to fathom.

My ex was shorter than me. I'm 5ft 10, so I'm taller than most women and would never date anyone taller. She says she's been attracted to all heights but through circumstance, these ones turned into relationships.

The one that bugs me the most is almost 100lbs bigger than me! Jesus.

[Ashlee T.]

Does the height and weight difference of your ex and your new girlfriend have any bearing on your feelings for your new girlfriend? Do they have the same hair color/eye color? If not, does that change the way you feel about your girlfriend? If the ex had blue eyes, and your current had brown eyes...... would that give your new gf reason to feel jealous and worried?

To a 5'4" petite built woman, 5'10" 180 lbs is a big strong fella. Take it from me at a petite 5'3".

[Guest]

Even if she's used to 6ft 2?

[Ashlee T.]

She's not "used" to 6 ft 2. She dated someone that's 6 ft 2....and the only person that matters to is you.

Does the height and weight difference of your ex and your new girlfriend have any bearing on your feelings for your new girlfriend? Do they have the same hair color/eye color? If not, does that change the way you feel about your girlfriend? If the ex had blue eyes, and your current had brown eyes...... would that give your new gf reason to feel jealous and worried?

Answer please.

[Guest]

First off, thanks so much for your replies. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. The lack of judgement on here is also nice. I think u can tell that I know I'm the one with the issue(s), not her.

Does my exe's appearance matter to me? No. But I guess I think the difference is the fact that she only dated tall men - it seems to be the rule. It's the trend in what she looked for that gets me. With me, there is no trend. Just one women then her.

[Ashlee T.]

But you made a rule too....a trend. Just because you've only technically been with one woman other than her means nothing, because you've created a "rule" which says basically "I prefer to date smaller woman, and would definitely not date anyone taller". Why? Most likely because you're just simply attracted to shorter women. She's obviously attracted to men taller than her. So what's the big deal? She likes taller men, you're taller. You like smaller women, she's smaller. If she found out your ex was 5'2" and she knows she's 5'4"......would it be a legitimate concern for her to think "The woman he loved enough to marry was 2 inches shorter than me.....and I know he likes smaller woman......so what if someone smaller comes along that he's attracted to??". ??

I guess what I'm saying is, her exes appearance has no more to do with ANYTHING, than the appearance of your ex does.