[mdraven380]

I think I was feeling suicidal because I didn't want to be alone again and have to start all over again. I think I will be ok if I can just let go of the thoughts about what he has said to me in the past and just focus on the good things he tells me. Today is one of those days where I just feel really depressed. It's cold and snowy and I can't stand when it is dark by 4:30. On the 20th of this months it will be two years since my sister passed away. I'm just trying to make a life with myBF and we only get into really back arguements about once every other week. It just that when I;m sitting here alone I start to dwell on all the negative. And yes I agree with you that he should be respectful of me. I don't know if he respects anyone.

[Ashlee T.]

It's the time of year in which we miss our loved ones that have gone on, even more than other times. I can indentify with that. It's the feeling, the smell of the air, the holidays, etc. Thats not called depression...that's called being human.

It is not okay for a man to belittle you at ANY time. If you excuse his behaviour, then you just validate what he does. He shows you affection sometimes, takes you out for dinner sometimes? Well yeah...isn't that what dating is all about? You think he's doing you a favor by showing you affection? Give me a break girl, you're gorgeous and smart and you should be having to pry his hands off you. You'd have NO trouble finding men to show you affection. And you'd have no trouble finding a man who would show you affection without expecting you to pay for it with belittling, anger and hurt.

Don't confuse depression with being in a crappy situation that is making you unhappy. Only you can change that. ONLY you.

[WildChild]

Darling really big arguments a couple times a month is a lot.
Why would you want to be someone who doesn't respect anyone, especially not you? You are worth so much more than this. I understand that you miss your sister. I can understand that you don't want to be alone. But can you see that if you weren't distanced from your freinds but being with this man that you would have them? And you could make more freinds? That would give you less likelihood of being alone than being with someone who is emotionally dependant, drinks, says nasty things and picks fight so he can belittle you.

What is your payoff in this?
Why are you settling for this?
You have so much going for you, why are you casting your pearls before swine?

Write your sister a letter, tell her how much you love her and what you are going through. What do think she would tell you?
Send her your love. Then burn it and send it to her in the smoke.
Then go do something special and indulgent for yourself.

[mdraven380]

I guess my pay off is when I'm with him he sits next to me and holds my hand. I have been in so many relationships for years on end where the man showed me no affection at all except when he was "in the mood". Also we see each other everyday and I'm wanting to make a life with him by taking care of the kids when I can and cooking and doing whatever I can to ease the burden on him. He doesn't ask me to do these things. I do offer. He asks me once in a while for my help. For some reason friend don't make me feel the same as having a boyfriend. At lest I don't feel empty this way. He doesn't hit me, he isn't a drug addict, he pays his bills and he's clean, he believes in God as I do so I guess I can tolerate his mouth. My dad was the same way. Never hit me but put me down then bought me things and took me and my mom on vacation.

[Texinator]

You're not lacking in either brains or beauty and so its not a surprise at all that there'll be guys who want to spend as much time with you as possible. Some of them are even going to communicate their appreciation of you verbally and physically. That doesn't automatically mean that they're worthy of your attention. You deserve attention and affection but you also deserve respect. It's terrible how he talks about his daughter and that might very well be a sign that he can't respect anyone, but regardless of whether he acts that way just toward you or toward everyone in general, his inability to keep from making hurtful comments to you means he is not worthy of you. He can tell you he loves you all he wants; his actions say something different.

If you give up now and settle for this kind of behavior, you'll miss out on finding the man whom you deserve and who will love AND respect you.

[pretzel]

One thing you can't do is substitute "trinkets" for respect. I'm sorry, but you seem to be willing to accept things in lieu of respect.

I hope I'm not right.

[Texinator]

If someone smacks you and then gives you twenty bucks for each slap, it doesn't change the fact that they're smacking you.

[Ashlee T.]

I just hope this mans daughter doesn't grow up thinking that as long as a man shows her some affection it's okay for him to curse her, belittle her, talk down to her.

[mdraven380]

LOL! sorry that was kinda funny.

If someone smacks you and then gives you twenty bucks for each slap, it doesn't change the fact that they're smacking you.

[mdraven380]

No I'm not accepting trinkets in place of respect. I can buy myself almost anything I want. I was just saying that he isn't bad all the time. I also tell him when I think he is not respecting me and also Tell him if he wants his kids to listen to him then he has to treat them with respect also. His daughter is at the point now where she doesn't want to listen to anything he tells her to do but he makes matters worse by screaming at her. I sometimes feel like I'm watching my dad scream at me when I was little. The only difference is that she screams back and I would have never done that to my dad. I guess I accept the same etreatment from my BF that I accepted from my dad. It's familiar. Dad never hit me. He just called me stupid. He loved us but put us all down. I alsmost feel like I;m trying to fix mine and my dad's relationship by being with a man that is very similar to my dad. My dad passed away July 23rd 2009. I could never tell him how much he hurt me. I was afraid to. My dad was very ill for 10 years. I didn't want to make him feel any worse. I was afraid if I told him how much he hurt me in the past he would become more ill. I know he had regrets because his wife told me. She said she never saw a man suffer so much and she also told me that what he did to me, my mom and my sisters he has been paying for through his illness for years. I felt guilty. I loved my dad but I was afraid of him. I couldn't talk to him. I always tried to please him and get approval. Only once in a while would dad be pleased with me. My mom told me that nothing made my dad happy. Then she would tell me that I'm just like my father, nothing makes me happy. Then my dad would tell me that I'm just like my mom, I never shut up. lol. Well now I don't know what or who I am. I don't even know what I like anymore. sorry I'm having a counseling sesion here,lol

One thing you can't do is substitute "trinkets" for respect. I'm sorry, but you seem to be willing to accept things in lieu of respect.

I hope I'm not right.