[Hopeless Dork]

Bob, when this woman became your roomate, it was her intention to share housing. When you became her roomate it seems like your intention is to fall for her, pine for her... look for clues as to whether or not she's into you and just hope against hope somethign will develop. Again you set your sights on someone that is around you out of financial/house sharing reasons and not because they gave you any signs of being interested.. and no one that you had to work on getting to know.

This whole roomate thing, you say you are hoping to see where things go, but you say in the same breath they can't go anywhere because you wont marry a woman that doesn't speak english well, but then you say you won't have sex with a woman you wont marry... then what are you doing wasting your time wondering if something will develop with your roomate when you've already said you don't want it to.

Its totally mind boggling the way you are processing all these rules and restrictions while breaking them at the exact time you are making them.

[BabyGirl]

Gotta Jump in here.

I Have a Room for you ..

Older Lady, Between the ages of 40 & 60 ..
Best Friend, to those who know me..

Speaks ENGLISH from USA English, Poquito Espanola, some Korean , A few Words in Greek and very talented Tsalgi ( Google it ) ..

Now I don't Speak German, but my Family members have been around and mixed with Germans.
My son is Semi~ Fluent in Japanese.. We know and relate to all " KIDS" here.

So lets get to know why You are looking at a Girl, in a Dorm room that you have No other place to be
( afford ) But you like Older women like Us ?

Mama BG..

[Allie602]

Have you ever met a woman in the age range you describe as attractive that you can look at, find attractive but not sexualize or think that she is interested in having sex with you?

BTW if this girl will be a student of yours then she is off limits for any kind of sexual contact because it's unethical to have a relationship with someone you will have power over. I am certain as a Christian man who is saving himself for ten years, you would have no problem following such a small moral and ethical constrain.

[bob_smith]

I would definitely have to agree with some of what seeker has said. Your way of thinking is all over the place. I'm confused!

BD - Yes you are correct!

Couch surfing in hopes of getting lucky... No "full sex" before marriage.. Oral sex with prostitutes is not having sex... Hoping to get lucky with a student... Connects better with women over the age of 40+...

Bob you better be careful before you end up wearing a set of handcuffs, outside of the bedroom... Slow down a bit and think about what you're saying...

I never said my behavior was rational. I don't want to be attracted to my roommates but I am anyway. I try not to send couchsurfing requests to women but I just can't help myself. Trust me, I would love to be the master of my emotions, but I'm not.

[Guest]

Aren't you the same guy with all the prostitutes ??? Hmm you sure get around..

[Ashlee T.]

Trust me, I would love to be the master of my emotions, but I'm not.

But you ARE the master of your actions. Emotions and actions do not have to go hand in hand. As humans, we feel things and as a result of feeling, we think.......and then when we think we are inclined to act. But we make a CHOICE to act. As emotions may be uncontrollable......actions are most certainly not.

Hypothetical Scenario: I meet a guy at church on Sunday morning. He seems very nice and is extremely attractive. I'm very attracted to him. My friend sees me chatting it up with him and sees us flirting and whispers, "He's married". At that point, yes I'm still attracted to him, yes, I still want what I want........but I make a respectful adult (and religiously correct) decision to NOT act on those feelings any further. I surpress them, and I move on with my life.

You are no addict. You do not lack the ability to control yourself. You do not lack the ability to abstain from something when you believe its important as you've done so with sex for the past 10 years. Therefore, you do not lack the ability to either A. Not couchsurf at all or B. Couchsurf with men. You do not lack the ability to A. find a male roomate.....there is no shortage of men in this world or B. Find a female roomate that is over 40 (since you say you have no attraction issues with women over 40). You do not lack the ability to stay away from prostitutes. You CAN help it, you make a choice not to.

[Maximus]

Bob,

I have gone through your posts, your blog.
Pause.
A lot of words. Almost boiling.

Mental overdrive. Fear. Guilt. Anger.
All the elements describing the wheel of sacrifice.

The point that BD is trying to make, rightfully so, is that you are the master of your life.
Although that is true on a life long perspective, in your case and many of us case we need to break some deadlocks and paradigms that hurt more than help.

In this category I would put:
1. The belief that you can't help yourself
2. The belief that you have time (referring to the idea of waiting until you turn 50).

One thing is true in what you say: There is always an ongoing battle within us.
Several scriptures have described this battle. The most famous being the battle of Kurukshetra as described in the Bhagavad Gita.
In this battle, the Divine consciousness is always aware of what is going on, always knows what is right.

I am sure you know what I am talking about.

Now.

A wise-man does what he should do instead of what he could do.

Where do you put yourself ?

Once you choose your camp and clear your goals then you are ready for the trip.
Getting into the mental overdrive, and jumping on the wheel or cycle of thoughts only feeds your fear of letting go.

Maybe you need to acknowledge that you might be ahead of yourself.
Your soul wants to reach a certain place, but it is still longing for some earthly matters.

This is where the time factor comes into play.

You think you have time to endulge the senses and put your goals on the back seat ?
Is it so ?

Are you a true seeker or a pretender ?

[bob_smith]

BD,
If we're the master of all our actions then I'm still waiting to see you go a month without internet, tv, radio or movies.

[Hopeless Dork]

BD,
If we're the master of all our actions then I'm still waiting to see you go a month without internet, tv, radio or movies.

Why should she have to do that? She doesn't not want to do that... she hasn't stated she feels guilt and shame about internet and tv and it isn't prevent her from having normal healthy relationships. I don't understand how you can just make that comparison. YOU are the one stating that you have a problem with your own behavior. If you are happy living your life your own way then quit feeling so guilty about it.

Being master of your own domain has nothing to do with not enjoying the things you enjoy... its about finding the balance and putting a limit on the things you do that you know you'll regret later. I've never read BD saying she feels guilt, shame about watching movies? How is her doing those things not being master of her own domain?

As far as i know, she feels no shame about seeing a movie and going on the internet or watching tv doesn't go against everything she believes in nor is it something she is mad at herself for or trying to stop doing.

You keep coming and saying you dont' want to do this or that and saying you can't control yourself from doing it anyway and its impacting your life negatively... and you have thoughtful caring people telling you to get help... and offering advice and all you do is say nanana boo boo and cover your ears to it all.

What do you want us to say? If you are just venting about what you want and don't want and your confusion about it all then just say that. But when you phrase questions , people tend to think you want to hear their input.

[Ashlee T.]

Dearest Bob....... when I start coming on WH and posting about how I "can't resist" the internet, the tv, the radio, or movies, how I feel "so upset" about it, how it goes against my beliefs in life, etc.......... THEN tell me to give them up. Otherwise, yours is a moot point.

Once again, you continuously miss the point of what numerous people have said to you. Why? Well, it's certainly not because you're not intellectually capable of understanding. You seem very intelligent. It's because you don't really want to be any different than you are.

Yes, there are people in life who claim to have no control over their actions.....visit a penitentiary and you'll meet many of them.