[CHANDLERS WISH]

I do not see a reason why he does not make more effort.

And that is what it is An effort, regardless of love, it takes time, there is foreplay and hopefully it's called love and intimacy with two people...

Some men are selfish, view the time of it all and prefer to just say na, too hard, too tired, can't be bothered, although they will accept a bj without question regardless as usually that's a 10 minute job and they don't have to do any work at all

Sorry JNS, I'm speaking general you know that

And, I can tell you, 30 is young, and 47 is young, it's all a matter of sex drive... not age...

He has to make an effort and you have to decide whether or not you are prepared if he won't to live the rest of your life, with once a week sex...Or, when he's 40, and your only 29, you'll be at your peak again and you'll more than likely be off looking for more "intimacy" at present at 19 you probably are just looking for sex...

CW

[sarahjane_91]

we just had a fight, he said if its all i think about i should get a vibrater and i wont get ny if i keep asking

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sarah, do you feel like he just treated you like a child ?

Told you off for communicating, and then threatened not to give it to you, service yourself.... which is also what I call controlling you...

If I were you, I'd say, "actually I'm after a "man" and intimacy, if you don't want to come to the party maybe this relationship has finished"..

CW

[sarahjane_91]

i cant we almost have a wonderful relationship - but the parts that are missing (intimacy, joy), wreck it. Every once in a while we have those - and it makes me believe it could get better. i cant leave (

[sarahjane_91]

hes not controlling i dont know what it is its too hard

[WildChild]

Sounds controlling to me. Sex and intimacy are two big control areas. The more you ask for it the for power he finds in refusing. Unless force and control are used, the one who wants sex the least controls the sexual relationship.

Sweetheart you are talking to older, more experienced women who have been there. We recognize signs that you may not see. An "almost wonderful" relationship, that is missing itimacy and joy is, what?

A relationship with a man who turns you down for sex, threatens to cut off sex entirely, yet masterbates to porn, is not a positive relationship. Unless he sees a reason to change, he won't. Unless he wants to change, he won't. Chances are this will get worse, rather than better. Right now you are fairly new in the relationship, this is the time that you are usually still googley eyed over each other, still infatuated, did he ever act like he was?

The age difference isn't huge in numbers but in terms of where you are in life it is. You aren't of legal age to drink yet and he is past 30. You are barely out of HS he's had enough time to get a PhD and work, if he wanted to.

Of course you Can leave. You chose not to. Don't confuse the two. My daughter is your age, if she were in this relationship, I would encourage her to get out and find someone more her age and energy level.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Can I ask then What is great about the relationship, and define joy

[oxy-moron]

Hi
Porn has probably been his mistress for a long time- It is corrosive and will take away his potency.
Treat porn as his mistress and get him to stop- if he has a 19 year old on tap he does not need porn.
There is a very good web site that discusses the gradual damage caused by Porn.(From guys that have been there done that and can no longer get hard
I am not sure if I am allowed to put the URL on here.
Stamp it out.

[evaone]

It's your right to talk to him and discuss it with him so that he is aware of your problem. maybe he thinks that it's just okay with you to have sex once a week.

[PandaPaws]

Really, in some males, testosterone starts to drop in their 30's. It potentially could be the issue here. He needs to see a urologist to get tested. For someone that you're spending 6 nights a week with, and you're ready and willing, I think once a week is kinda low. That is, as long as you guys feel comfortable living with your parents and doing it... which, you seem to. That would be a big labido killer for me personally, having my parents in the house.