[Mr. Right in Two]

The movie is indeed inspiring, and shows how even through thick and thin love can survive. Essentially though, it is idealized and I totally agree - love like that is possible, but both parties have to put in some serious hard-yards to achieve it. That being said, it is possible to find some equally fulfilling intimacy and love without the need for the exuberance showed in the movie. It all comes back to personality and how well you coexist.

[Ashlee T.]

Mr Right - I think you're exactly right. I think it's a rare find.....and one to accomplish some day.

[stressed]

Ah, 'The Notebook'! I barely remember it, but my (now ex) had suggested I'd watch it because he found it so sweet and romantic (we weren't together at the time and we watched it separately). I think I found it boring...I don't remember what happened.... but he loved it. Ironic if you think how non-affectionate he was towards me all along and how affectionate I was...

Some people really want to show affection and they understand how needed it is to their partner, but they're still unable to show it. Something prevents them from being affectionate by nature. Fear, embarrassment, certain thoughts, upbringing, past experiences.

This new guy may be showing affection in his own way, by texting you when you are sick, by wanting to do things with you, by laughing with you. The important question is, do you think this is enough for you to feel loved/cared by him forever? Is it enough for you? Is it your way of showing love? Can you feel loved with his way of showing love?

It's not always about whether the other truly loves us or not, it can also be about whether he can show his love in a way we understand and appreciate. If we can understand and appreciate his ways.

Your cousin seems happily married and you feel they've never doubted each other, or at least that's what they claim. But can you ever be sure of that yourself? Maybe they've had their own doubts at some stage, maybe they've had other problems, but they managed to overcome them and that made their love for each other so strong as they forget about the bad times. There's no perfect love or perfect couple, but there are couples that stick together through the hard times and couples who cannot do that.

If you have doubts 4 months into this then they are probably well-founded. It's supposed to be the 'honeymoon stage'...

[Ashlee T.]

Stressed - You make me smile right now. (I still want to see the new do!) I guess it's not everyones cup o tea...but I loved the movie. Yes, very ironic that your ex liked it too. Perhaps deep in him he wanted that kind of love, but was clearly in no way willing to work for it. Wanting something and being capable of something are totally different for sure.

I think my new bf thinks he's affectionate. And I think he totally is oblivious to the fact that he never tells me he misses me anymore, never speaks of looking forward to seeing me, never sends me dirty text messages anymore that were a total turn on for me (i like knowing my guy wants me sexually even when I'm not around). See this is where people go wrong in dating, don't act like someone you're not in the beginning, if you're not the type of guy who is affectionate and complimentary and sends sweet/sexy texts etc....then why do it in the beginning? The abrupt stop is bound to cause problems. It's bound to cause resentment. And yes, before anyone jumps in with the "why is it all his job to do those things?!"...I do those things. I text him and tell him I miss him, I text him sometimes during the work day and say something sexual out of nowhere like "I want you. I want to sit on your lap......naked. " or something funny like "Better stop by the store on your way and pick up some butter", then when he says "why" I said "Cause I'm gonna BUTTA YO BISCUIT". lol. I continue on the same as I have since I started dating him......but it's hard to keep up with that when you're the only one. Know what I mean? Oh I know YOU of all people know what I mean.

[stressed]

Ouch... You know, if I hadn't known what's it's like to be in a longterm, affectionate relationship I probably wouldn't have bothered as much. But I've once been with a guy who didn't stop the sexy texts, thinking of me, wanting me etc. for a very long time. We had other problems, but I never had any doubts about how he felt about me. He always made me feel good about myself, always flirted, found me sexy, for a very long time, even years after the breakup. So eventually I set those standards for good, anything less wouldn't do it for me. If it can happen once, it can happen again. That's what has happened with you too. You've had it once and if you don't have it again it's like something is missing.

You can try to discuss this with him, tell him how you want him to be more affectionate, passionate, make you feel sexy, respond to your advances... but if he "doesn't have it" by default there are small chances he will "get it" with discussion. You're so right, it's bound to cause resentment. Sooner or later you'll be faced with the following SMS situation:

You: I want you.
Him: I'm here! Haha! Silly girl.
You: That's not what I meant...
Him: lol
-_-

He just doesn't seem passionate and impulsive. It's definitely not you, but you don't want to become a therapist to find out why. You can't make him become passionate either, because you can't teach passion, taught passion isn't passion. Perhaps he has other wonderful qualities etc. But if you're like me... you'll get fed up

(haven't forgotten about the do! Will do it just for you! )

[Ashlee T.]

Stressed, very insightful...and I believe spot on. When we know that exists, and we've experienced it, it's hard to ever settle for not having it again. Because it's fun, it feels good, it helps a relationship grow, it keeps the flame going, etc. I want someone that I can truly be passionate about, and that reciprocates that passion for me on many levels.

I have discussed it with him. He was just one of the classic cases of once we slept together, all that stuff he was doing that made me feel so good, stopped. He doesn't see it. But I think he's been trying....but if showing me a bit of affection or closeness now and then is an "effort" then I say something is wrong there. I just miss getting a text during the day telling me how bad he wants me. Or that he can't wait to see me. There's just an emotional disconnect there I can't quite put my finger on, but in time I will.

And your hypothetical sms situation is both sad and hilarious. And yes...I've been there before. Lol.

[Texinator]

See this is where people go wrong in dating, don't act like someone you're not in the beginning, if you're not the type of guy who is affectionate and complimentary and sends sweet/sexy texts etc....then why do it in the beginning? The abrupt stop is bound to cause problems. It's bound to cause resentment. And yes, before anyone jumps in with the "why is it all his job to do those things?!"...I do those things.

Nope, I'm gonna jump in with, "You're totally right, BD. People should just be themselves when their dating. Altering the personality at the beginning in the hopes of selling themselves to the other person is unfair and leads to problems, because it amounts to a bait and switch tactic."

[Ashlee T.]

Bait and Switch. YES!!!! I'm a victim of the BAIT AND SWITCH!!!! lol DARN him.

[Texinator]

False advertisement. Maybe the Better Business Bureau can help.

On a serious note, it doesn't seem to be all that uncommon. Even here on WH, there are countless stories of multiple dating personality disorder.

[Texinator]

There's just an emotional disconnect there I can't quite put my finger on, but in time I will.

You're probably wondering if he did all those things before, did he just say them to please you or did he really mean them? And if he really meant them, then why can't he do them anymore?