[stressed]

You're probably wondering if he did all those things before, did he just say them to please you or did he really mean them? And if he really meant them, then why can't he do them anymore?

Yes, that's what you think of at first. But it's pointless to go down that road, it will only harm you and you may never find out why. Don't bother about what he "did" or how he "was" in the past, with someone else, 5 days before he met you etc. Look at how he is today, because that's what you're going to be stuck with.

[pretzel]

Bait and Switch. YES!!!! I'm a victim of the BAIT AND SWITCH!!!! lol DARN him.

I can write the book on this. At least you haven't married him yet.

How's that saying go, What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Here's my irony. I've tried my best to be as attentive, passionate, compassionate to her. Before I bought her cards, flowers, little things just because. How long does one wait and continue doing these things before you realize that it's not going to be reciprocated or appreciated?

Now she complains that I'm not romantic, that I don't do things for her like I used to. Well, why should I if you're not going to appreciate it?

[Ashlee T.]

Tex - I've filed a complaint with the BBB.

Stressed - you're definitely right...and that's what bugs me about guys. Why let me see how affectionate and attentive you CAN be, only to later show me that I'm never going to have that? lol

Pretzel - yes, the question is how long? And how can someone expect you to continue showing efforts of affection etc when they're not exhibiting any affection in return? I'm with ya....except you've held out longer than I would've. I've already stopped doing some of the things I did before, simply because he's stopped reciprocating some of those things. But that won't work for me long term, because I WANT to be with someone I can be free with, someone I can be affectionate with and get a happy medium in return. I don't want to be with someone I resentfully withhold my affections from because of the way they're making me feel. I don't think anyone wants that.

[pretzel]

Well BD, I know for sure you won't. You have the right attitude and a pretty level head.

Me, on the other hand.

[Texinator]

Of course, the frustrating thing is that you can't really tell this ahead of time. Someone is affectionate from the beginning... great. But how do you know right at the start whether that affection is going to remain a constant or if another two or three months they're going to cut back and reveal their true self?

Would be great if everyone came with a sale sticker, like when you buy a car, that lists all the standard and optional features that come with whatever model you're "buying."

[Texinator]

Me, on the other hand.

What keeps you trying and trying?

[Ashlee T.]

What keeps you trying and trying?

I have the same question. And I apologize pretzy...I'm sure you've covered this in other threads, so it's not meant as a judgement but more a curiousity.

And yes Tex...if only we could know those things from the beginning. It's all part of getting to know someone I suppose. But there'd be a LOT less failed relationships and a lot less time wasted if people would just be upfront who they are from the beginning. If you're "not an affectionate" person, don't show lots of affection in the beginning. If you're not the type to send sweet messages and show feelings, then don't do it in the beginning. Because then, the person you're with feels like they're being punished when you remove those things.

[pretzel]

What keeps you trying and trying?

Because I still love her with all my heart.

[Texinator]

But there'd be a LOT less failed relationships and a lot less time wasted if people would just be upfront who they are from the beginning. If you're "not an affectionate" person, don't show lots of affection in the beginning. If you're not the type to send sweet messages and show feelings, then don't do it in the beginning. Because then, the person you're with feels like they're being punished when you remove those things.

Indeed. It seems that people often start dating with the expectation that the relationship has to work, rather than just with the interest to see if there is compatibility, and so they act the way they think the other person wants them to act. Women like affection, so naturally those men are going to be on the lovey dovey side at the beginning. But once the relationship seems secure and the other person appears to have been "hooked" on this "bait," then it's mission accomplished for them and the people think it's safe to finally let their true self show.

Dating is meant to show whether there is compatibility, not to force compatibility. It's like trying to jam a square brick down a round hole... eventually something's going to break.

[Texinator]

Because I still love her with all my heart.

...and a huge heart it must be then.