[I_Am_A_Man]

Some great input in here. Thanks to all.

I did re-apologize last night when I had some alone time with her. We talked it over and I made her aware that I knew that being drunk was no excuse (she was drunk too) and she apologized for overreacting. I told her it wasn't her fault. We kissed and made up and all is good. I'm glad I got it all off my chest cause it was truly eating at me like nothing I have ever felt before.

a mixture of guilt, embarrassment, disgust, and shame - a terrible cocktail of emotions.

[I_Am_A_Man]

I screwed up and need to regain my girlfriend's trust/comfort?

Not sure if this should be in the sex section but here it is:

About 3 weeks ago, my new GF and I were at her apt and we were both a little liquored up. This is no excuse and I take full responsibility, but I wanted to have sex and apparently she didn't. When we do have sex, we like to tease each other with push-pull (I go in for the kiss and she pulls away jokingly, etc). So I went in to kiss her, she pulled away, I smiled and so did she. I thought she was just joking and playing along like normal so I get a little more aggressive and start kissing her neck and feeling her up and things get pretty heated, all the while, she is not joking around. She seriously did not want to have sex and I think in my inebriated state, I pushed a little too hard and she finally said "stop."

Of course, I immediately stop and have a puzzled look on my face and she looks upset. I apologized and she got up and left, clearly distraught. When she returned to the bedroom, she didn't say anything and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and vomited out of disgust for my actions and I offered a heartfelt, sober, well-thought out apology and she accepted and says she understands my mistake.

Since that night, she has been rather distant and doesn't ever want to sleep over anymore (understandably so, I guess).

She mentioned she still wants to be with me and that she appreciates me being able to stop when she said stop (although that's not good enough for me). She was in an abusive relationship before me so that definitely contributes to the problem and I just want her to know that I truly care about her and her feelings.

I want her to trust me and be comfortable around me again, and I guess I'm looking for advice on how to accomplish that.

Thanks ladies.

[WildChild]

Hummm it seems we had a very similar post just recently. I don't know, if she was really ok with this and excusing it, then that should be it. I think you breached her trust and it will take some time to reestablish that. You've apologized so what you have to do now is show by your actions that you mean it.

[Guest]

Why has this repeat or duplicate post suddenly reappeared?

If it isn't the exact same post as it was written before, I will be surprised.

Didn't you like the advice you were given last time?

[WildChild]

I've merged these two thread because I think it will be easier for people to understand what has gone on. So she is still distant?
If it's been just 3 weeks and she has dealt with abuse in the past, I think you are just going to have to be patient. You may have been a bit aggressive but you did stop when she said to and you apologized. It sounds like this is more about having pushed one of her limits than about you being an awful person. Talk to her in a calm atmosphere. What it is that she feels she needs to feel comfortable in a relationship? You may need to think about how well you can function in a long term relationship with someone who hasn't dealt with their past issues yet and who shuts off sex and intimacy with a minor incident.

[I_Am_A_Man]

Thanks for merging the thread and I felt like the topics were similar but wasn't sure.

anyhow, I just wanted a woman's opinion on this because I have been sick over all this lately and I wouldn't normally dwell on this if I didn't like this girl alot.

She is difficult to talk to because she lets things bottle up and "hates to have these talks." I told her that's the only way to sort through these problems.

I definitely "freaked her out a little" when I did that to her that night, but it was done mistakenly and I have apologized for it. I don't know what else I can do to make things right, and perhaps she is gonna need some more time, but at least I know why she was being distant.

I was more looking for specific ways/things I can do that may help speed up the process of her trusting and being comfortable with me. She acknowledges she is not mad about that night, but she sub-consciously distanced herself from me as a result. She said she knows I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. I just want things to get back to the way they were...

[Guest]

You can't speed up the rebuilding of trust. It takes time. Frankly, about as much time as the other party feels they need until you can trust again.

STOP apologizing! You've apologized more than once, now get over it (apologizing). If she can't let it go then that's a HER problem not a YOU problem. If she keeps it in her "inventory" of things she can't let go that's a HER problem and not a YOU problem. You've done what you can do as far as the "incident" that night. With time, you're either both going to move forward and get over it or you're not and at that point you may have to reevaluate the situation.

Things will never get back to the way they were as things are different now.

[jns]

Thanks for merging the thread and I felt like the topics were similar but wasn't sure.

anyhow, I just wanted a woman's opinion on this because I have been sick over all this lately and I wouldn't normally dwell on this if I didn't like this girl alot.

She is difficult to talk to because she lets things bottle up and "hates to have these talks." I told her that's the only way to sort through these problems.

I definitely "freaked her out a little" when I did that to her that night, but it was done mistakenly and I have apologized for it. I don't know what else I can do to make things right, and perhaps she is gonna need some more time, but at least I know why she was being distant.

I was more looking for specific ways/things I can do that may help speed up the process of her trusting and being comfortable with me. She acknowledges she is not mad about that night, but she sub-consciously distanced herself from me as a result. She said she knows I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. I just want things to get back to the way they were...

Why don't you start over? Start doing more purely dating type of things. Leave sex out of it unless she at least partially initiates. Let her know that you love her. She probably wants you to know how far to go without telling you. She probably doesn't know guys don't do hints, at least not very good. Such a situation is very confusing for a guy, especially if the girl will not initiate. She probably also, paradoxically, wants you to be assertive.

[jns]

Things will never get back to the way they were as things are different now.

Absolutely, you have to build a new relationship.

[BabyGirl]

In order to " REBUILD " anything, you must start
at The Bottom, The Root, The Foundation. In order for it not to be destroyed again.

You seem to have taken a step that you shouldn't have. But now you know how to avoid that step in the future. So start back on the first step to the relationship..

Another thing is to refrain from drinking so much that you get in the position that you cannot control your actions. Alcohol loosens your inhibitions and people do things they would not normally even think of doing whilst sober.

The majority of Date Rapes have alcohol involved. I'm not saying what you did was a Date Rape or Attempt to, but she very well may have taken it that way.

You have apologized , let it go now. Constant apologizing will just bring the incident up forward in her mind. Be loving and attentive ( non sexual) and show her that you aren't only in the relationship for Sex.
Wait for her to make the next Sexual move. And make sure that you are not intoxicated if and when that happens.

You can also change the lil " Push Me Pull me " game to one where you just strip, ( if comfortable with it ) sit or lay on the couch or bed and let her come to you. This leaves her in " Charge " of the decision to become intimate or not.