I would like to share my truly turbulent experience that I had with my ex-girlfriend, so that people can share their valuable insights and also learn from my mistakes.
Right, where to start. I met her, she was my next door neighbour, when I was 24 and she was 39, together on and off for 2+years. I came into a right mess, she was a mess. She is an alcoholic/binge drinker for one who gets abusive physically and mentally. She has a big past which involved drugs and abusive partners, her biggest dilemma being her ex whom she was with for 3 years before he went to prison for cocaine related offences. He was never violent towards her much, however I had to find that out, as she claimed otherwise; he did however have a very abusive tongue and manipulated her through drugs and fear. She did not mention him to me when we slept together. This ex of hers was with her sister for many years since childhood and has a kid by him. When my partner and her ex got together at first they lied to her sister about being together for many months even though she knew about it, in fact my ex had the cheek to abuse her sister about how bad she was rather than the other way around! WTF? Her sister has never spoken to her again and will never speak to her in a million years, in her words “she has no sister” ……
So I am the saviour right? In my ex-girlfriends words “her own personal Jesus Christ” “my piece of heaven” I am the one who can sort this girl out and I am the one she will spend the rest of her life with. So back to the relationship, her ex used to call her all day bugging her until she picked up the phone, one call after another –mobile, home, other mobile never stopped and she would scream at him when she did eventually answer at how much she hates him and he should f off etc. This used to be a cycle every day and every day I believed she meant it, but I found it strange that the next day all would be forgotten and they would talk normally. She used to tell me that she loved me soooo much and hates him for everything he has done and for splitting up her and her sister, he was a horrible man. So puzzled I got angry and told her to stop talking to him and stand up to him or I would. You see at the beginning she kept me a secret as she was “scared” of what he could do. But eventually he figured it out as she was acting strange and he had so much control over her that he knew her inside out, they have after all been friends since school years I guess….
So with great help from me she managed to talk to him and tell him about us. The threats start to her and me, abusive letters, phone calls, constant harassment. Everytime I was there to hear the phonecall she stood up for me and told him what she thought of him. She even called the prison a few times and got him punished for his threatening behaviour. He sent her letters everyday despite knowing she was with me that he loved her and would never give up on her. She said it was all about control and he never really loved her. She read every letter that came through that door instead of ripping them up. We even managed to get the phonecalls to stop by barring/changing our numbers so many times but everytime he “managed” to get her number back. Lol right?
There wasn’t a day that she wouldn’t mention him – in a bad way but still always his name came up. He had a good relationship with her daughter whom she viewed as a father figure and was a long time family friend so it was not so clear cut for me. I could mention more but it just gets worse and I am sure you would have heard enough and made up your mind…….. Here’s why I stayed through it all……….
There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t tell me she loved me, literally hundreds of times a day, always hugging me and kissing me at every opportunity she got. We were like little school kids in love and often people would get jealous of our closeness. She hardly ever refused making love to me and that was what it was making love full of passion and closeness every day! She used to get so jealous of me and what I was doing, always accusing me of this and that – mainly when she had a drink. Very paranoid. Introduced me to her family, even told her mum and everyone else in front of me that she will never go back to her ex again. In short, we were very close, I’ll say it again never a day that went by she didn’t tell me how much she loved me and how special I was….
She even wanted my kid? Everytime she said she wanted one and was desperate for me to be naughty and ejaculate inside. No thanks….
Ok the ending. I just had to wait for him to come out and see what would happen, to give her the benefit of the doubt, to not let him win as she would so aptly say. On news of his release date, she gets the coil removed, goes cold and doesn’t want to make love, tells me she needs time to sort her life out and wants a break. I go, and vow to never contact her first. 3 months go by and I start getting text messages eventually leading to how she misses me and can’t take no more of being apart. We speak on the phone, she swears nothing happened with her and her ex. We get back together. I find topless pictures of him lying in our bed on her phone – she was showing me pics and it came up she never deleted it lol! I confront her and she tells me he stayed over once only because he had nowhere else to go and she slept on the sofa because she was not well. That I found out was 4 nights in a row. I then remember the day I left I had bought some lube which was unused. I ask her where it was and I find one missing and one used including the -ring I bought. She told me she used it on herself to pleasure herself and used the lube. We went away on a weekend trip and she confides in me that her, her ex and her uncle all did cocaine the once and she regrets it. Did she cheat?
Now it has been a year. If she wanted to get back together with him she would have done so, but everytime she says she loves me and wants me back. And we are always close when we are together. If she didn’t love me then she wouldn’t care right? If she loved him then she wouldn’t be openly sleeping with me letting him know that I am back? She has never once openly said she loves him to me or in front of me nor admitted she has had a sexual relationship with him. When I do go back we are together and the ex now just leaves her alone in which her uncle has told me that he has said to him he doesn’t even want to be with her it was all to get at us and that she will never love him like she did before. He even had a girlfriend the last time I heard few months back. So what the was all this about because I am confused as anything lol? Does she know what she wants? Beyond help? Was her love for me true or all a big game? Does she love him and love the games he offers? Is it drugs, is she secretly still on cocaine because I have never caught her on it in 2 years? Or has alcohol ruined her life ------ she never goes out the house and is on medication for depression. She has also been diagnosed for “Borderline Personality Disorder”……
Made your mind up yet? You sure? What an experience of a lifetime!
I know this was long but I wanted the article to be as detailed as possible. I hope people can learn from it what they can.
Right, where to start. I met her, she was my next door neighbour, when I was 24 and she was 39, together on and off for 2+years. I came into a right mess, she was a mess. She is an alcoholic/binge drinker for one who gets abusive physically and mentally. She has a big past which involved drugs and abusive partners, her biggest dilemma being her ex whom she was with for 3 years before he went to prison for cocaine related offences. He was never violent towards her much, however I had to find that out, as she claimed otherwise; he did however have a very abusive tongue and manipulated her through drugs and fear. She did not mention him to me when we slept together. This ex of hers was with her sister for many years since childhood and has a kid by him. When my partner and her ex got together at first they lied to her sister about being together for many months even though she knew about it, in fact my ex had the cheek to abuse her sister about how bad she was rather than the other way around! WTF? Her sister has never spoken to her again and will never speak to her in a million years, in her words “she has no sister” ……
So I am the saviour right? In my ex-girlfriends words “her own personal Jesus Christ” “my piece of heaven” I am the one who can sort this girl out and I am the one she will spend the rest of her life with. So back to the relationship, her ex used to call her all day bugging her until she picked up the phone, one call after another –mobile, home, other mobile never stopped and she would scream at him when she did eventually answer at how much she hates him and he should f off etc. This used to be a cycle every day and every day I believed she meant it, but I found it strange that the next day all would be forgotten and they would talk normally. She used to tell me that she loved me soooo much and hates him for everything he has done and for splitting up her and her sister, he was a horrible man. So puzzled I got angry and told her to stop talking to him and stand up to him or I would. You see at the beginning she kept me a secret as she was “scared” of what he could do. But eventually he figured it out as she was acting strange and he had so much control over her that he knew her inside out, they have after all been friends since school years I guess….
So with great help from me she managed to talk to him and tell him about us. The threats start to her and me, abusive letters, phone calls, constant harassment. Everytime I was there to hear the phonecall she stood up for me and told him what she thought of him. She even called the prison a few times and got him punished for his threatening behaviour. He sent her letters everyday despite knowing she was with me that he loved her and would never give up on her. She said it was all about control and he never really loved her. She read every letter that came through that door instead of ripping them up. We even managed to get the phonecalls to stop by barring/changing our numbers so many times but everytime he “managed” to get her number back. Lol right?
There wasn’t a day that she wouldn’t mention him – in a bad way but still always his name came up. He had a good relationship with her daughter whom she viewed as a father figure and was a long time family friend so it was not so clear cut for me. I could mention more but it just gets worse and I am sure you would have heard enough and made up your mind…….. Here’s why I stayed through it all……….
There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t tell me she loved me, literally hundreds of times a day, always hugging me and kissing me at every opportunity she got. We were like little school kids in love and often people would get jealous of our closeness. She hardly ever refused making love to me and that was what it was making love full of passion and closeness every day! She used to get so jealous of me and what I was doing, always accusing me of this and that – mainly when she had a drink. Very paranoid. Introduced me to her family, even told her mum and everyone else in front of me that she will never go back to her ex again. In short, we were very close, I’ll say it again never a day that went by she didn’t tell me how much she loved me and how special I was….
She even wanted my kid? Everytime she said she wanted one and was desperate for me to be naughty and ejaculate inside. No thanks….
Ok the ending. I just had to wait for him to come out and see what would happen, to give her the benefit of the doubt, to not let him win as she would so aptly say. On news of his release date, she gets the coil removed, goes cold and doesn’t want to make love, tells me she needs time to sort her life out and wants a break. I go, and vow to never contact her first. 3 months go by and I start getting text messages eventually leading to how she misses me and can’t take no more of being apart. We speak on the phone, she swears nothing happened with her and her ex. We get back together. I find topless pictures of him lying in our bed on her phone – she was showing me pics and it came up she never deleted it lol! I confront her and she tells me he stayed over once only because he had nowhere else to go and she slept on the sofa because she was not well. That I found out was 4 nights in a row. I then remember the day I left I had bought some lube which was unused. I ask her where it was and I find one missing and one used including the -ring I bought. She told me she used it on herself to pleasure herself and used the lube. We went away on a weekend trip and she confides in me that her, her ex and her uncle all did cocaine the once and she regrets it. Did she cheat?
Now it has been a year. If she wanted to get back together with him she would have done so, but everytime she says she loves me and wants me back. And we are always close when we are together. If she didn’t love me then she wouldn’t care right? If she loved him then she wouldn’t be openly sleeping with me letting him know that I am back? She has never once openly said she loves him to me or in front of me nor admitted she has had a sexual relationship with him. When I do go back we are together and the ex now just leaves her alone in which her uncle has told me that he has said to him he doesn’t even want to be with her it was all to get at us and that she will never love him like she did before. He even had a girlfriend the last time I heard few months back. So what the was all this about because I am confused as anything lol? Does she know what she wants? Beyond help? Was her love for me true or all a big game? Does she love him and love the games he offers? Is it drugs, is she secretly still on cocaine because I have never caught her on it in 2 years? Or has alcohol ruined her life ------ she never goes out the house and is on medication for depression. She has also been diagnosed for “Borderline Personality Disorder”……
Made your mind up yet? You sure? What an experience of a lifetime!
I know this was long but I wanted the article to be as detailed as possible. I hope people can learn from it what they can.
I can't recall what I googled re my ex-husband but it ticked 10 out of 12 of his behaviour patterns and it was abuse only he doesn't realise it see it, he is intelligent has a high IQ I am wrong actually always
Get The Newsletter
Comment