[WildChild]

You stated in another thread that she was in a relationship with a woman before? Or did I misunderstand that? I don't see how or why she would object to oral sex. I've never been sexually involved with another woman but I understand that many don't practice any kind of penetrative sex but oral is very common.
Sometimes people baffle me.

[Guest]

Yep, I'm the CHORE, she's referred to it that way before. Just another chore- I don't know if she has ever had the kind of orgasms I've had. I've had some that made me light headed and feeling drunk with love for my partner. When it's good, OMG, it's Fantastic! Makes me have foot cramps and I don't even feel them until they get so bad I have to stand on that foot to make them stop.

I just have to assume it was a relationship with another woman, she lived with her for 15 years or so. She won't discuss it- My sister and my wife's old "roommate" are in a relationship so I put 2 and 2 together and as I recall equals 4. Messed up situation, eh? Oh the crud I get myself into. Anyway, when my sister and her girlfriend moved out my wife was relieved to say the least. The other woman was all dramatic about it and crying her eyes out. Strange thing though, my wife had her watch me online because nobody trusted me because I had female friends online. Like I would mess around. I've thought about it after a year of no sex. Yes after a year, it's all about the sex. Pure, raw sex. Not abusive, not cruel, just "I want to F!" I'm pretty dad gum close to it now!

I don't think it was oral with her, I think it was toys, fingers and such. I think that's why she doesn't like toys with me or my hands "down there". I think it reminds her of a different time that she would just as soon forget.
WC, I'm not baffled, I'm at the bar watching the game while she's playing it. I think I need another Black Label Beam and Coke bartender- what I wouldn't give for one of those, just no money for it. If you can't afford milk for the kids, alcohol is completely out of the question.
Maybe I'm asking too much when it comes to hot, steamy, Oh So Good Making Sweet Love.
What do you all think? Am I asking too much from her?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am sticking to my origional thought there Mark...You are another chore, she spent 15 years in a relationship with a woman, turned 40, got married, had a child and you unfortunately were the donor.

But, you got a beautiful son out of it.

And you are still young.

Quit doing things to please her...Do what is fair, your share as you are not working..

8 years, without it, you can't get it back over night in any event.

If there was any love on her behalf, at the beginning, reverse phsycology sometimes works when a person all of a sudden does the same thing, shows no interest, and also goes out here and there, showing no desire to always be home with her...

See if she doesn't like being missed...

[Mes T]

Ah wow sounds complicated.

If she fundamentally doesn't get physical pleasure out of sex, she won't want to do it. If she's not getting pleasure because she's attracted to WOMEN and not men... or if she's not getting pleasure because she hasn't communicated what EXACTLY works for her... That's a distinction that needs to be made...

Can you sit down and talk with her? In a calm, non-accusing kind of way.. and just find out WHAT is in her head?

I mean it could turn out that we're all wrong here, who knows! Only she knows her thoughts and what she wants. Have a heart-to-heart. Maybe have a few drinks beforehand...

[Guest]

CW, I've turned her down and left her horny. No real response- I have slept with my back to her and even went so far as to tuck the blankets under me between us. I have acted like I just didn't care, I've even put a cot up in the garage and spent a few nights down there. She didn't seem to mind that much. Guess she likes a big bed to herself. But, here I go again to make things work out. No money to live on or for child support, I'd be in jail within a couple of months but in the meantime I'd be homeless. At least I wouldn't go hungry, I can hunt and fish as I am a survivalist. I can live indefinately in the outdoors, I've spent a month in the wilderness by myself and actually gained weight.

[Guest]

Maybe have a few drinks beforehand...

I'm thinking a fifth of Black Beam and a 2 liter of Coke, yep, that's just about the right mix. Maybe go back smoking? I got a lot more sex before I quit, just sayin'-

Complicated... it's a living nightmare if it was your sex life-

[WildChild]

The fact that she has responded positively to changes you have made is hopeful. Its really hard to sort this out but since you are devoted to your son, currently not employed and not yet getting disability, I would stick it out a while longer and keep trying. If you weren't getting any kind of positive response that would be different. For right now, I'd say keep working on this.

Maybe look at Oxy's info that it takes 3 months to build the oxytocin. Obviously you can't go on forever, so why not set a time frame for yourself? Are you willing to give it at least until the end of the year, provided you continue to see some progress? I would continue what you have been doing that has gotten some good response, it hasn't been that long really. Give that a few months, then if need be have a calm talk about give and take and meeting each other's needs, at that point you can again make it clear that you need affection and sexual interaction. That is a part of what marriage is about.

[WildChild]

Complicated... it's a living nightmare if it was your sex life-

Some of us have been there. If you plowed back through my old posts you'd see I've had plenty of no sex. How about someone you love passionately who will regularly describe to you how they are masturbating (often as they are doing it) but won't touch or kiss at all and would have straight, no foreplay, intercourse about once every 6 weeks. You know they masturbate several times a day and they know you love sex. I put up with about 2 years of that, that was following a sexless marriage. I know all about weird games people (read men) play with sex. Now I'm in a new relationship that so far, I'm very happy in. But I first gave the others all I could and every chance to change things.

[Guest]

WC, you always give the best advice as does a lot on here. I'm going to give it awhile, I can't set a deadline. I'll keep plugging away at it, she was happy about the clothes being washed, dried, folded and put away by the time she got home. Tomorrow I'll do the bedding and get them both made before she gets home and I'm still doing all of the dishes in the dishwasher and sometimes all of them by hand. Still cook too! I've been the cook since I have been here. If I had a half gallon of rocky road ice cream, it would be gone. You Ladies know that feeling very well, I know you do. But you eat the little containers, while I eat the big ones. Chocolate sauce drizzled all over a females body, with peanut butter in All the right places. Dad gum it, there I go again Dreaming- well, it's my dream I guess. That one will never be a reality, or if it ever is, I'll have to come back on here and tell you all the details! Well, that is if anyone is interested-
Here is one for ya- I had a boss who was a real pain, so I put a little smear of PB on a piece of toilet paper and stuck it to the mouthpiece of his phone. Then I called him- lol. Oh... the good times in life!
Doc has me on Cialis, can I slip a little in her morning OJ? Talk about being bothered all day! Yes, I know... that just isn't right-......... But...... aw, nevermind-

[oxy-moron]

Hi
Stay happy with yourself. How much casual touch are you doing when she is around.
Do you pat her on the back regularly - are you touching her numerous times a day for a second or two at a time. (Safe non sexual touch) Get into some gentle massage of her feet or shoulders. If you get good at the massage she will seek it from you. It does take months to build things up with touch. You will know when it is working because you will be really happy in yourself- Your own Oxytocin will be high.
Remember alcohol(more than nip or two) is bad for Oxytocin. It is bad for sex and it is bad for families.