[rcoreyus]

Other women will want you. Its just your wife who doesn't want you.

I really hope I'm wrong and you can turn this around. I gave up - decided that I couldn't / wouldn't leave my wife over a poor sex life.

[Jimbeau]

Mark has made huge progress in his relationship in a fairly short time really.
This particular challenge may be essentially the female equivalent of ED. Would you recommend that women who's husband's have ED get a boyfriend on the side? I know some do.

What we're talking about here is not the female equivalent of ED. That's a physical problem. This is apparently a psychological conflict. That's a lot more difficult to have to overcome. If a woman were continually spurned by her husband for no apparent reason other than he's just not feelin' it, I sure would advise her to seek companionship elsewhere. If children aren't involve I'd probably tell her to ditch the loser.

[WildChild]

What we're talking about here is not the female equivalent of ED. That's a physical problem. This is apparently a psychological conflict. That's a lot more difficult to have to overcome. If a woman were continually spurned by her husband for no apparent reason other than he's just not feelin' it, I sure would advise her to seek companionship elsewhere. If children aren't involve I'd probably tell her to ditch the loser.

we start kissing and snuggling and end up almost in the best of ways! Her body- totally unresponsive, now I feel like total poo- can't even excite my wife.
my wife is mentally willing

This seems to indicate that she is in fact responding emotionally but her body is not. There may be psychological aspect but speaking as a 50+ woman I can attest that the process of menopausal changes in hormone levels does affect a woman's ability to lubricate even when she is turned on and wanting sex. The fact that she is and apparently has been throughout the relationship, uncomfortable with certain kinds of foreplay is unfortunate but isn't unusual in women who aren't fully comfortable in their bodies or with their sexuality.

[WildChild]

I will add that problems with lubrication do seem to improve with increased levels of sexual activity. Having come out of a 2-1/2 year relationship with a man who pretty much only wanted bjs, I got sex about every 4 to 6 weeks, after the first year. Oddly, I never had a problem with him but the combination of the emotional impact of the break up, long term lack of frequency and hormonal changes, caused a few challenges when I got into a new relationship. Now after a few months with a man who wants me pretty much whenever he sees me and who treats me with a great deal of affection, the lubrication issue is starting to resolve, initially he had some minor issues with ED and those have completely resolved as well.

[waya]

the lubrication issue is starting to resolve, initially he had some minor issues with ED and those have completely resolved as well.

Y'know, this is lovely to hear since this forum mainly sees posts about relationship troubles (for obvious reasons lol)

[Texinator]

Tex, just telling the truth as I see it.

Might be time to visit a neurologist then, cause it sounds like a squirrel snuck into your room in the middle of the night and took a dump in your brain pan.

[pretzel]

Hey Mark,

I see where you're coming from and the dilema. My chronicles here do tell a story somewhat similar and yeah, I've mentioned the starving dog syndrome. From you're perspective, if your wife would just give you some you'd be more than happy to give her the cuddling and closeness she wants. Who gives in first? Would you just like her to just lay there and just be done with it so you can get the frustrations out and then when she wants to just cuddle and be close, would you be ok with that? Or, would you rather make love to her and have her feel just as good about making love as you do? This is a process that is at odds with each other, isn't it? On the one hand, you want sex first so that intimacy will be more meaningful. She wants intimacy first so that sex will be more meaningful? I'm going to be quite honest, these very same questions are the same ones I'm trying very hard to get a grasp on. And right now, I have just about as much clue as you do.

And to be perfectly honest, I think your wife's doctors just don't want to put in any effort. Life WC has said, and I've said to you before, perimenopause is a process, a long process that don't always show up initially in blood tests. They use a "normal range" for hormone levels before doctors will prescribe treatment and usually doctors will prescribe some form of HRT because that's the easiest way to treat the symptoms. Now, given that your wifes family has a history of breast cancer, HRT has risks and I'd completely understand her unwanting to go that route. But, as has been said before by many people here, that is not the only treatment available. Someone in that household of yours has to step up. Whether it's you or your wife.

[Guest]

Some bad, some good, but progress all the same...

My wife told me that our dating sex was basically to get me and keep me as she just isn't interested in it. That's the bad- However there is the good - She loves me for being such a parient man and is scared to death that I'm going to find some pair of hot pants and I'll be out the door. Wrong... not the case at all and I explained that to her. Maybe she isn't interested in the usual form of love making. I'm going to try a new approach, one where she won't hurt and the friction will be at a complete minimum and the bonding will be at a maximum. I think this will make our love even stronger. This past weekend, we cried, we laughed and we shared loving touch and loving hugs. God how I love her!! I'll never leave her over sex or the lack thereof, how can I? How can men profess their love and then leave the woman of their so called "dreams" when one tiny part falls apart and they don't try everything to make that one tiny part better? Most men just don't understand the true meaning of love I guess. Well, the meaning of true love I should have said.
Yes, it's tough and it's hard to ask for help and it's tough to admit when you're wrong. But it's better to do these things and be with the woman you love isn't it? Why throw it all away for someone you don't know? It's like putting your hand into water- is it cold or hot? So, you look at it and it looks so inviting, so you put your hand in it- now- are you frozen or scalded? I'd just as soon stay in the water I'm in, at least I know what it is and how I can make it warmer.
I've come to the conclusion that I am truly In love with the woman of my dreams and things are bumpy, but I'm in this for the long run no matter what happens. She may find a new part of me that she has never taken notice of and be greatly turned on or she may not, it really doesn't matter. I'm not and never fell in love with her vagina, I fell in love with her mind and who she is inside. She even commented on how we have grown apart. I warned her 12 years ago, but she didn't think it was a concern. Now, it has almost destroyed a marriage. But now she knows I'm committed to her and only her. How can I not love her after she gave birth to our son? No one is perfect and I can't believe she is giving Me a second chance!

[Guest]

All of this I have learned from the Ladies here. I am a new man thanks to you. My hat is off to you and blowing kisses of friendship your way-

[Ashlee T.]

Glad to hear you're feeling hopeful and have gotten some clarity. You have to follow your heart, what you feel is right in your heart and hope that your wife loves you enough to do the same. I look forward to hearing some more positivity from you!