[rcoreyus]

Sorry, telling MarkT to just enjoy cuddling is like telling starving man to enjoy sitting outside a bakery to enjoy the smell of fresh bread.

Yes maybe his wife's body didn't respond that time, but would it have been so much to ask that she provide him with some sexual release? She could have given him oral - not as a duty, but because she loves him and wants to make him happy. It just appears that his happiness doesn't matter to her.

Sorry, but I've lived with this type of situation for 25 years, and MarkT's situation is much worse. I don't think it will ever get better. His wife wants affection but doesn't want sex.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know it's strong to the heart there Corey but if there is a possibility Mark can turn it around and re-gain a form of relationship that includes sex, as a woman, we are collectively saying, affection is important and can not be viewed as, turning everytime into sex or else that is what it is, sex not love.

[Guest]

I truly want her attention, love, affection and sex when the time is right for her. I'll wait until it all comes together. I have the patience that no other man has apparently. My love for her is That strong. Some think it would be better for me to jump into bed with the first thing that's got hot pants- Not going to happen- I've got a Great woman who has put up with me for 12 1/2 yrs being lazy. So, who's actually to blame for all of this? Well duh... Me! I've got a lot of catching up to do and a lot of proving to do until she sees I'm not that way anymore. She lost her partner which made me lose my sex life and I'm Crying over it? What is she doing inside? It's more than her sex drive that's lost, it's my helping out that made her this way.
So, it's my turn to ask forgiveness and do the right thing for her. I love her and I'm In Love with her. How can I have sex with Anyone Else? I've been cheated on twice before and that feeling I wouldn't put on Anyone. I died inside, crying for weeks wondering what I could have done to prevent it. It wasn't me though, they just found it exciting to try to get away with it. I caught them, left and got myself tested for every sexual disease known to man and was lucky enough to come away clean as a whistle.
I just want my wife, plain and simple.

[WildChild]

Mark, when its appropriate you might encourage her to get her hormone levels checked. Lack of lubrication can be caused by an imbalance. I find that drinking plenty of water, exercise and eating some soy daily makes a big difference.

[Guest]

She went to the dr and he wouldn't check her hormone level. She asked him about it but it could cause her to have breast cancer. It runs in her family.

[ItsASecret]

Checking involves a blood test. A blood test is not going to start up any breast cancer that runs in the family. What the doctor was referring to is the hormone treatments, shots, pills, creams etc. Starting a prescription of those could have the potential to aggravate some cancer cells that may have the breast cancer potential.

[WildChild]

Get the book The Wisdom of Menopause, the library should have it and read what Dr Northrup has to say about this. There are many more options to HRT than there used to be but not all doc are up on all the options. There is an ointment that can be applied to the skin or vaginally that should help without posing a risk.

[Guest]

I don't think it's hormones, I used to think it was- now I'm thinking it's 12 1/2 yrs of my bs that's caused the lack of interest. She and I are going to try something different that someone suggested in a PM. We'll see how it goes, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes and I'll wait until she is ready.

If we do end up divorced, I doubt any other woman would want a guy like me, so I might as well stick with the woman I truly love.

[Guest]

Tex, just telling the truth as I see it.

[caterpillar79]

MarkT,

I agree with WC - get yourself busy with things you enjoy the most and just try hard to focus on you. It is really difficult to be in your position (I can relate to that). One more thing is that you can NOT make another person do the change, so what I'd advise you to do is to change the way you see things. Make some behavioral changes on yourself - say for example, you did something nice for her that day and she doesn't appreciate it, do not take it seriously. You might want to stop re-thinking or trying to please her and just be happy on the fact that you still love each other, though she is just not that showy to you.

Sometimes, the more you try to do things for her, the more smothered she'd feel and try to ward you off. When you change the dynamics, she will be surprised - but you (nor she) won't notice it right away. I used to over think things and tried very hard to please my husband and I felt set aside and unappreciated, even pushed away (him telling me he misses his single life where he can do whatever he wants without worrying of another person). I mean, how hurtful is that (we are just married for a year and about 5 months).

I decided, can be happy on my own. I pursued different new hobbies and worked more. Right now, I am keeping two jobs and though exhausting, I am happy. My mind is busy and he actually misses me at home. I give him all the space he needs and more of it - I actually feel like I can make it on my own now even if I love him. Bottomline is, you are still you. Be happy on your own, and do not depend on her for your happiness. It can be stressful for her even if you think it is not the case. Subconsciously, *it could be.

I wish you all the best, MarkT.

Cat