[belinda_davis]

i have a friend who's fiance seems to be developing a dependancy on alcohol. he also has deppression. she called me up last night in tears because she didn't know what to do. does anyone have any advice i might be able to pass on to her?
they've been fighting a lot lately and they're even thinking about calling off the wedding. i'm worried for my friend seeing as she's dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl. and they also have a darling two year old girl who might get caught in the middle of it.
please help me help her!

[jns]

Most times people get married because they love each other. With all of the fighting I am not sure they love each other. Getting married in such circumstances is not going to make the relationship work. It will just put the combatants in the equivalent of a cage match. They should reschedule the marriage for a later date if he gets help for his drinking and follows through on it. If he doesn't, she should look for a different relationship or be single for a while. This will also be better for their little girl.

[Guest]

A dependency on alcohol, or any other substance for that matter, is not something that can be 'corrected' by you or your friend, the substance abuser has to want to get help for his/her problem.

Until he, A) admits or realizes that he has a problem, and B) wants to get help for his problem, there is NOTHING anybody can do.

I don't know about 'calling off the wedding', but I'd certainly put it on hold for a while...as long as necessary until he gets help for his problem with alcohol.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

She has to establish why he is depressed, therefore drinking.

Fighting in front of the child is not a good thing either, so give her some kind advise in that regard.

Is he out of work? Maybe he feels like a failure, maybe he feels that he is comfortable being with her and their child but isn't ready for marriage.

There are lots of reasons why people go into depression but unless they are willing to discuss it and unless the other person can be calm and try to help jump over the hurdle it just gets worse.

Can you tell us a bit more about their relationship, life.

Marriage is a beautiful thing but you don't just do it because it's a dream, you have to go into it with alot of love and mostly happiness, and work on keeping it that way.