[Magnetism]

I think that spiking someone's drink is absolutely not acceptable, and is one of the few things that I would never forgive. Think of the risk he was putting you in - would he have taken responsibility for anything that happened to you when you were too drunk to take care of your self?

That's what I told him in my letter. I've known people that have died or have had brain injuries from alcohol poisoning. It's not a funny thing to toy around with someone's body and consciousness. I wonder if my letter was too overwhelming for him to respond.

If he was able to say sorry and admit why it was wrong, I would be willing to forgive him and continue to set clear boundaries. But, he hasn't done that. I also wonder if he's type of person that can't admit when he's wrong.

From my experience, men and women that can't admit when they're wrong or admit their faults are bad news in relationships. I used to be like that too, but now I'm careful to self-reflect! How am I going to be a better person if I can't admit my faults?

[rcoreyus]

There is the risk of medical problems from the alcohol. There is also the danger from anything you might do when very drunk - could stagger in front of a car, or behave in a way the would hurt yourself or someone else.

You need to find better friends - people you can really trust.

[Magnetism]

I hate to say this rcoyrus-But,I wouldn't consider this friend very bright.

My social life has been pretty weird for the past 25 years. I used to live with my parents, and only befriended those that gave me attention. I used to think it was very hard to find good friends, so I took whoever showed interest in me. My idea of a nice person was someone that was willing to talk to me and invited me out. I didn't think much of character.

Ever since I moved out of my parents' house at age 25, it's been really easy meeting all kinds of great people. When I compare my old friends to the people I know now, it makes me realize that my old friends weren't that good friends at all.

[BabyGirl]

A Simple solution here For the Future

Do not let anyone get a drink for you. If they are buying you a drink. Go with them, tell the bartender ( whoever is making the drinks ) a small amount of booze. Get a Small glass , not a large one, know how much you drink , meaning keep an eye on the level of Liquid.

If you are going to dance and have to set your glass down. Don't set it down until you finish your drink. That doesn't mean Gulp it down,there's always another Dance. Just take your normal time and finish it. If you notice or find another Drink ready for you . Decline it, Pour it out. And if you want another Drink, Go yourself ( again ).

There is the Spiking at parties and also Date Rape Drugs readily available to some people.So it is up to you to watch yourself. Your friends should watch out for you also. But Ultimately it is up to you.
If you want to relax and enjoy a party, with Alcohol included. You are risking Intoxication, either by your own Choice or the Spiking . So Protecting your Drink & Intake is Utmost.

Again and as You said. No One can make you Drink, No one can Force it down you.( at your Age )
Make up your mind on how many drinks you can Handle and Go with Water or a Soda in between drinks. This means open the sealed bottled water yourself, or sealed Soda Can.

One Important thing is being a Responsible Adult !! You seem to be an Awesome one. So if you see " Vince " do not expect an Apology. Just be Yourself, with Your Rules and follow them. We all make mistakes, it's learning from them that Counts.

With " Vince " Just let go of the past, Be forewarned, You have the " Ball Now ". You also have the Power.. Over Yourself at Parties. And in your Choices of Friends . Vince was a Acquaintance when you were Younger. Not a Friend .

[Magnetism]

A Simple solution here For the Future

Do not let anyone get a drink for you. If they are buying you a drink. Go with them, tell the bartender ( whoever is making the drinks ) a small amount of booze. Get a Small glass , not a large one, know how much you drink , meaning keep an eye on the level of Liquid.

If you are going to dance and have to set your glass down. Don't set it down until you finish your drink. That doesn't mean Gulp it down,there's always another Dance. Just take your normal time and finish it. If you notice or find another Drink ready for you . Decline it, Pour it out. And if you want another Drink, Go yourself ( again ).

There is the Spiking at parties and also Date Rape Drugs readily available to some people.So it is up to you to watch yourself. Your friends should watch out for you also. But Ultimately it is up to you.
If you want to relax and enjoy a party, with Alcohol included. You are risking Intoxication, either by your own Choice or the Spiking . So Protecting your Drink & Intake is Utmost.

Again and as You said. No One can make you Drink, No one can Force it down you.( at your Age )
Make up your mind on how many drinks you can Handle and Go with Water or a Soda in between drinks. This means open the sealed bottled water yourself, or sealed Soda Can.

One Important thing is being a Responsible Adult !! You seem to be an Awesome one. So if you see " Vince " do not expect an Apology. Just be Yourself, with Your Rules and follow them. We all make mistakes, it's learning from them that Counts.

With " Vince " Just let go of the past, Be forewarned, You have the " Ball Now ". You also have the Power.. Over Yourself at Parties. And in your Choices of Friends . Vince was a Acquaintance when you were Younger. Not a Friend .

Hi Baby Girl,

Just to clarify, this was a small hotel party with Vince, his girlfriend (who is also an alcoholic), and my friend Josh. This was not a big party or at some bar. Vince and his gf bought all of the alcohol. Before the party started, I had clarified that I will have a few drinks as much as I can handle, but I'm not interested in throwing up, since I had to pack up my stuff the next day. What's ironic is that Vince didn't drink at all.


I've known Vince since I was 17, and we had considered each other best friends for a long time. We had bonded, because we both were frustrated over how things were in the East Indian community. We both considered ourselves open-minded and progressive, but the truth revealed itself at this party.

Since Vince and his gf had paid for the hotel, I remember feeling guilty about leaving and feeling as if I should just keep the peace. The next morning, I again said over breakfast "I wasn't happy with what happened last night." Vince laughed and said "That's the whole point."


I have no plans to see Vince anyway when I visit. I have the choice to text to him to hang out, but have chosen not to. If he wants to hang out, he can let me know...but he hasn't done so.

[BabyGirl]

I am sorry if I offended you. You will go back to the "place " Be Strong..
After all it has been 3 Years ?

You are still the one who Chooses as you say some of your friends " Alcoholic's ". So Just go back, enjoy the
Area , smarter than you were.

And Clarification , Works on a One to One Vision..

[Magnetism]

Oh no, Babygirl. you didn't offend me. I was just giving more details about the situation.

I haven't talked to his girlfriend anymore either in a few years. We do become who we hang out with, and an alcoholic isn't someone I want to be around with. As I said in my previous posts, I chose these friends b/ I felt like I couldn't get anybody else. I've moved on from that belief. I would like to everyone to know that it's easy to make friends if you put yourself out there and know how to have fun.

[Magnetism]

The universe works in mysterious ways! My friend Vince e-mailed me on facebook saying "I haven't seen you in a long time. How have you been? What's up?" This message was below the long emotionally heartfelt letter I wrote, lol. I responded back casually saying I'm doing great and that I will be in my hometown at the end of July. I asked how he is doing, and he said good. He seemed cheery.


I do wonder if some men just don't know how to respond when women get emotionally expressive, and they shut down? I also don't feel comfortable right now saying "Why didn't you respond to my e-mail? What do you have to say about this?" I'm going with the flow of the conversation.

I'm going to have to journal, get in tune with my gut, and really decide on what to do. I do like babygirl's advice on not expecting an apology, and just let it be. The most I can do is make sure that this doesn't happen again. It's best to hang out with him around OTHER people that I trust. Not alone. Not at a hotel party. I do like the idea of having as many friends as possible to have fun with, but knowing the few that you can genuinely count on.


I've been subscribing more to Eastern philosophy, and they say to forgive those that have wronged you. Accept people's limitations. Let go of resentment and anger, because it only hurts you in the end.

Is this easy? No. But, I know I would be happier and not be so overly analytical on whether I should be friends or not with a person.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I've been subscribing more to Eastern philosophy, and they say to forgive those that have wronged you. Accept people's limitations. Let go of resentment and anger, because it only hurts you in the end.

Is this easy? No. But, I know I would be happier and not be so overly analytical on whether I should be friends or not with a person.

No one is perfect on this Planet. We should accept "people" for who they are, no judgement, no one person is the same. If we do that, then we nod in acceptance, that they are who they are and understand that.. Then it is easy as it's understood. Trying to analyse someone, or have them do what "you" want them to do, is a waste of energy, wrong energy and wrong full stop.. We are who we are

[Hugo-B]

Magnetism, I agree with you on many things, I feel my temperament and attitude naturally gravitates towards eastern philosophy and I agree with much from Buddhism.

You should accept peoples limitations and accept their weaknesses and shortcomings as individuals, you cannot expect anyone to be any more than human, and as in any interaction involving another person you cannot take control of the outcome in any given situation, people are unpredictable, but we can rely on them and to act based on self interest, believe none of what you hear and half of what you see until proven otherwise.

Just because we accept peoples' limitations doesn't mean we should drop our guard or not take measures to protect ourselves and our interests, this isn't selfishness it's safeguarding ourselves, women especially are more vulnerable when they're amongst men, especially men they cannot trust.

I've always subscribed to the 'be kind to people and they'll be kind back' philosophy and it's literally lost me thousands and thousands of pounds in business deals gone sour and people abusing my trust. Read 'the 48 laws of power' by Robert Greene (the concise version if you are pressed for time) this will shed more insight into the psychology of human nature than anything else you've ever read. The problem with eastern philosophy is that too many people simply see kindness as weakness, and when they do they'll exploit it mercilessly and for their own benefit and self interest then just move onto someone else. I agree wholeheartedly that if everyone subscribed to it, the world would a happier and more peaceful place with little suffering, but that is unlikely. Just remember there is a Law pretty much prohibiting every conceivable crime, and that is because mankind cannot regulate its own behavior when it comes to wronging other people.

You're right, there is no point dwelling on the past and being bitter about the things you can't change; also, hating people etc will get you nowhere, but this doesn't mean you shouldn't take measures to protect yourself in the present and future. What is better: forgiving someone for something, or not letting that person wrong you in the first place because you took reasonable (legal and moral) steps to protect yourself from it happening in the first place?

Ask yourself this: would you make friends with Vince if you met him for the first time at that party?

I think the following proverb is pretty sensible, 'love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe'.