[megan102]

Okay to preface; been with bf for 4 years, lived together for 3 yrs. Have had some rough patches but everything seems to be going smoothly now. Have been talking about getting a bigger place (his idea) and even talking about rings (also his idea). So heres where things start getting strange. About 3 or 4 weeks ago I noticed him texting what appeared to be a somewhat suspicious looking text to his MALE boss, so I did the thing you are totally not suppose to do and SNOOPED. Upon reading these texts i found messages from his male boss saying suggestive things like "i enjoyed spending time with you" "i love your company" "when can we hang out again". Well, i have met his boss and he is VERY feminine so i just sort of brushed it off because I know they do work some outside of the office. I snooped a week or so later and found texts where my boyfriend had lied about having lunch with this man so naturally i thought maybe i'm being fooled and this really isn't his boss but rather a girl he put into his phone as a man..so i get the number and call it from a private number and nope I was wrong, a man answered. So i was like, i'm just being crazy making something out of nothing. Last night he was texting his boss again and i got a weird feeling so i snooped again and...there were some very sexually suggesting texts from his boss basically saying "i know i got you hot and bothered earlier today let me finish you off, come on all you have to do is sit there" and my bf simply replied "haha can't do it" and changed the subject. and upon reading texts i also realized that when his boss is asking to hang out with him he sometimes says things like "i can't because she is here" I'm also on a week vacation from work and his boss sent a text saying "i guess we wont be able to hang out for about a week" and so now i'm paranoid that they sneak around while i am at work. and this whole thing is crazy because i have never ever not even once had any indiciation that bf could be gay. i mean...absolutely never. So, part of me feels crazy for even thinking it but the other part is wondering well...wtf is going on then???

[jns]

What your bf's boss is doing is clearly sexual harassment and it would be even if he was consenting because his boss is in a position of authority. What your bf is doing is handling it as best as he can, trying to discourage his boss in a nice way so as to not have repercussions. Does he work at a large company? His company would most likely fire his boss almost right away if they knew of this as it could mean a big lawsuit against them. Unfortunately, your bf would most likely get fired somewhere down the line for "something unrelated". You and your bf need to heavily document this with times, dates, photos of the messages, forwarding the messages and saving the messages including text, voice and video. Can one person legally record conversations in the state or country you are in? If so, record the conversations with your bf's knowledge and consent. Maybe work with a private investigator to figure out ways of having someone else testify to what the conversation was such as having someone listen in and take notes.

[DreamP346]

The thing about all those messages, they can easily be attributed to other things. I have seen men joke around all the time and say things like "I know I got you hot with that..." Also, your bf may only be hanging out with his boss when you aren't there to hang out with. It may all be perfectly innocent. The only way to find out is by asking him. That means fessing up to the snooping. But its better you do it now than after rings get involved.

[jns]

It may all be perfectly innocent.

Last night he was texting his boss again and i got a weird feeling so i snooped again and...there were some very sexually suggesting texts from his boss basically saying "i know i got you hot and bothered earlier today let me finish you off, come on all you have to do is sit there" and my bf simply replied "haha can't do it" and changed the subject.

Sorry sp, I don't buy the "may be perfectly innocent" explanation. Such a situation would be emasculating for a man who is only into women and may be for other men as well. Would it be innocent if a female boss was saying the same thing? Asking him to confess to an emasculating situation may have unintended consequences. Confessing to snooping is a given, but do it with assurances to him instead of accusations.

[DreamP346]

Sorry sp, I don't buy the "may be perfectly innocent" explanation. Such a situation would be emasculating for a man who is only into women and may be for other men as well. Would it be innocent if a female boss was saying the same thing? Asking him to confess to an emasculating situation may have unintended consequences. Confessing to snooping is a given, but do it with assurances to him instead of accusations.

I think it is possible when you are only seeing one side of a conversation. You don't know the whole story. Its possible that there is something going on, but totally possible nothing is going on as well. Each person/office has a different relationship with their boss. Its true that in the larger corporate office, there are stricter rules about professional and appropriate behavior, but that is not always the case for everywhere. I have seen men (straight men) joke around with their good friends saying stuff like that. It really depends on the type of comfort level a person has with somebody else. I have also seen people say things to their boss that I find totally inappropriate but that is the type of relationship they share. There are a lot of factors to consider. Text messages are notorious for being inleading.

[jns]

I have never heard that type of come on from a man to another man in a work relationship setting. I have heard something similar between gay guys and have even been propositioned by gay guys (not gay friends). Of course, none of those were work settings.

[megan102]

Well I openly asked him (without confessing to the snooping) if his boss could be gay and he said something like "well, he comes off like it but he has a wife and child" and then I asked him if he could be gay and first his reaction was laughing like i was kidding but once I seemed serious he was offended so this i think is why he kind of keeps it hidden when they are together outside of the office...my gut is telling me not to worry about it so for now i am not but i still think it is the strangest thing ever. JNS he doesn't seem to be threatened that I can tell, but I could be wrong since he is not openly discussing their relationship so I'm not sure if he is uncomfortable by the way his boss is talking or just blowing it off all together. SP you are right, it may be completely innocent and thats how my gut feels but once i read the sexual messages i was kind of shocked. WEIRD is the only way i can describe it. just very very strange and in a way i feel totally crazy for even putting my nose in it as it could be nothing at all.

[jns]

Many gay or at least bi guys have wives and children. That is the easiest way to have children and it can provide a perfect setting so others don't ask questions. Also, a wife and a kid for a guy raises his advancement potential.

[megan102]

I totally agree jns. I have met his boss before and he was super nice but I could definitely see feminine traits. I also just found out that boss had asked him to go on a trip with him (not work related) and bf told him he would check with me first. So I'm feeling confident that he's not hiding things from me really as much as just trying to reject the bosses advances.

[jns]

Then have something for the two of you to do at that time - something not moveable. If you still have any doubts, watch and see if your bf enjoys what you plan or if he would rather be with his boss. Of course plan something together that both of you enjoy. It may frustrate his boss, but you two could have a lot of quality time together.