[secret0524]

There's a new guy friend I met since yesterday and we went out for lunch.... When I took out my wallet he told me to put it away and paid for my meal... And he asked to hang again today so we did.

For some reason he decided (didn't even tell me where exactly we were going) to go out for a movie and then dinner at Cheesecake Factory. And both times he said the same thing and wouldn't listen when I told him I prefer to pay for my things. So I managed to take out my wallet faster than he did so I managed to pay for the movie tickets. Is it normal for girls to not preferred to be paid for in these cases for friends?

[Stillness]

Some people just always want to pay. I get this a lot with my father-in-law. He never let's me get a bill.

But, yeah, women will tend to get preferential treatment even if it's just friendly. It may be the fact that he's asking you though. A lot of times the one suggesting will treat. Next time say, "Ok, my treat this time."

[Hugo-B]

I have a female friend I hang out with occasionally (when we were both single, she has a BF now so I haven't seen her for a while, I doubt he'd like it) and she's usually quite broke so if I ask her to do something like go out to eat I offer to pay before hand so she doesn't have to worry about the money side of things. It's never an extravagant amount of money but I didn't have a problem since I know she's not a P---- taker.

I think some men just feel like they have to pay for a women, which isn't necessarily a good thing, from experience I think a lot of women like to pay for themselves to make sure the man knows things are platonic, too. If he legitimately has enough money he may just want to treat you or feels like he should pay since he's asked you to come out and join him.

Insisting to pay for people can be nice, since it's a way of treating them and expressing gratitude for their company. However, I think it can also be interpreted as, or be used as a means of belittling someone, even if it is inadvertent, it was quite likely that his dismissive attitude towards you when you tried to pay (no-one like being ignored) irritated you as much as him refusing to let you pay. I'm guessing you don't like feeling like you're indebted to someone, and don't want people paying for things which you had every intention of buying for yourself.

Just like most things, communication is key, I made it clear to my friend that I would pay before hand, so there was no awkwardness, and no ambiguity, I also texted her first so she could make an excuse if she felt uncomfortable. I think it went something like this: 'Hi >name redacted<, wanna go for dinner later? I'll pay x'

In actual answer to your question, I think it is very normal for girls not to want male mutual friends to pay for them, since it makes them uncomfortable. That's the kind of things BF's do to treat their GF's. There is a type of woman who's sense of entitlement leads her to feel she's justified in accepting anything off of any man at any opportunity, but I'd prefer not to spend any of my time or money on one of these women.

[secret0524]

Buddhaboy, thanks for your input!!!! I think his intentions are a little more understandable.

It's just that he was someone I met recently through the college facebook page so I was a bit puzzled of his intentions because first two times ever meeting someone he was already spending $100 in two days just to hang out with me (we're college students so that kind of money is beyond the usual budget...)

Funny enough he asked me out pretty much right after I wrote this post and that threw me off-guard a bit.... But I did tell him that I still am in the stage of getting to know him and I cannot make that kind of call at this point. And that kept me wondering if I did anything to mislead him in any way. Im used to dinner and movie with my guy friends because most of my friends are guys but I feel that he interpreted this as a date.

[SunStar]

My ex boyfriend would always want to pay for everything. The one time I did pay, he ended up paying me back... I agree some men just really like to take care of their women. I think in our case it was more about our culture, it's the stereotypical thing to do. Back then I had zero money, so I didn't do much about it. When I had a stable income of money I started doing what you do... I'd make sure I got a chance to pay once in a while... or least gesture how the next time was going to be on me.
I don't think it's too common for girls to want to pay for their own stuff, but I do believe that it makes things a little more even in the relationship.
And as for friends, I do have male friends who will also pay for me and expect nothing in return.
But I guess that guy thought he was on an online dating site haha... I've had an experienced like that. Good luck with him.

[Hugo-B]

Buddhaboy, thanks for your input!!!! I think his intentions are a little more understandable.

It's just that he was someone I met recently through the college facebook page so I was a bit puzzled of his intentions because first two times ever meeting someone he was already spending $100 in two days just to hang out with me (we're college students so that kind of money is beyond the usual budget...)

Funny enough he asked me out pretty much right after I wrote this post and that threw me off-guard a bit.... But I did tell him that I still am in the stage of getting to know him and I cannot make that kind of call at this point. And that kept me wondering if I did anything to mislead him in any way. Im used to dinner and movie with my guy friends because most of my friends are guys but I feel that he interpreted this as a date.

I suspected his intentions were a bit more than 'to be friends'. This guy either has plenty of money or is a bit inexperienced and trying too hard, I hope it is the former, but I suspect it is the latter. If he'd had a better idea of what he was doing he'd have asked out on a date first, which would have been a coffee or drink to gauge your interest, and saved the meals et for a proper date when he was more sure you were at least somewhat interested in him.

Taking girls out on a first date for expensive meals, especially when they don't even know it is a date :-( is kinda shooting yourself in the foot a bit... bless him x

[Little]

Yeah, dinner to the Cheesecake Factory is serious business.

You should definitely express to him that you want to help pay for outings and entertainment, regardless of whether you come to see him in a romantic light or not. Even if he were your boyfriend, he wouldn't have to pay for EVERYTHING - you just don't expect that kind of scenario. At the same time, it's possible he belongs to a culture where a woman paying is unheard of or he was just raised that way, and it's something ingrained he can't kick. Have a chat about it.

Maybe you could suggest some low-cost or free hangouts? A get-together where you can really get to know one another, where you can talk without a dark movie or a plate of food getting in your way. I'm concerned if you keep letting him set the dates, and he keeps trying to impress you with prohibitively expensive treats, he'll get frustrated and possibly think you're taking advantage of him for his money, no matter how much you try to pay.

[Hugo-B]

What is Cheesecake factory?

[Little]

A really nice American chain restaurant. The kind of place you go for special occasions - prom (I forget if they have this in the UK, it's an important dance for the last two years of secondary school,) graduation, anniversaries. Not a second date kind of place, particularly if one of the parties isn't aware that it's a date. You might take a friend here and pay for them if it was their birthday ... anything else is pushing the boundaries of ulterior motive.

[Hugo-B]

OK thanks, I wasn't sure if by 'serious business' you were being sarcastic or not. I'm, in London in the UK and I haven't heard of it, there may be one in central though, I'll be sure to check it out. It sounds like my kind of place :-)