[JennieBottle]

If I found out my husband was texting an ex-girlfriend I would be devastated. Even if the texts seemed completely innocent and even if there wasn't any flirting. Because why would he keep it from me if he wasn't doing anything wrong? If you have guilt for texting your ex-fiance it is because you know it to be wrong. And now if you were to tell him he would have leverage against you for doing exactly what he did. From this perspective though you haven't flirted with any other men and he has flirted with other girls. I would say move on and if you find yourself becoming involved with another man you should tell him upfront that you still talk to your ex-fiance.

[Little]

I feel like this is just the death throes of a doomed relationship. The end days are hard. People get emotional. But the writing was on the wall before he ever texted anybody, and it's just not about his transgressions. It's just not working out.

And his reaction to it not working out is not doing anything to convince me that he's a healthy partner in the first place, even if he were still in Chicago. Why not cut him loose now, in no uncertain terms, rather than just ignore him? As emotionally unhealthy as he seems to be, he doesn't need the help of being strung along.

[DreamP346]

Personally, I dont' find the flirting so bad. We all flirt with other people, some more than others. What I find bad is his reaction to it all. He basically admitted that he was lining up a back-up in case things fell through with you. Your relationship isn't even rocky, just hard right now, and he's already setting up plan B. It sounds like you are totally replacable to him. What will he do when things get really strained (and we all go through that at some point of the relationship)?

Ask yourself this, do you love him so much that you are willing to live with that?
Do you believe he loves you heart and soul and would jump through fire to be with you?
Are you each other's true life partners or just convinient for each other?

You can make a relationship work even if you are not madly in love with each other. Many people settle and are happy finding somebody that is available instead of the one that makes their heart skip a beat. Ask yourself what YOU want. Don't make the decision because he feel sorry for him. Trust me, its better to break his heart now than to string him along because you will break his heart latter anyway. Make sure you stay with him because that is what YOU want.

[jns]

I am not used to the whole long distance relationship thing and i have been telling him lately that i don't know if how long i could deal with it.

Guys handle being told their relationship is on the way out in different ways. According to your posts, you make the case he was lining something up with the flirting. The case from his side could have been that he thought you had something lined up, so he was in a don't care mode. Hind sight being 20/20, he was wrong.

LDR's are hard to pull off. Both sides have to invest in communicating. They also should not try to scare their partner about leaving unless they really mean it or their partner knows it is all a bluff to get him or her to express their undying love. It sounds like you really scared him. Can you put the relationship back together as a LDR? You both will have to decide that.

[Chi84]

sorry,what does ldr means?

[Stillness]

We all flirt with other people

I don't. I never have when I've been in a committed relationship. I don't think my wife does, and I would be upset if I found out I was wrong.

I'm not trying to be contrary or holier-than-thou. I'm saying that people don't have to put up with a flirting mate, because not everybody does it or thinks it's OK.

[jns]

sorry,what does ldr means?

It's a common abbreviation for long distance relationship.

[lgibbons84]

Chi...I am going through a similiar situation...I looked through my boyfriends cellphone this past saturday night while he was in the shower...usually I would never invade someone's privacy but my instincts were telling me, for the few days prior, that something just wasn't right....I found flirty texts to another girl who was stored under the name "Steve"...there were even provocative photos that she was sending him....it's torture to see that..i actually had to sit down for a minute because I thought I was going to pass out...he even told her that she was beautiful...the hard part now is deciding if he deserves for me to just accept his apology and believe him when he says that it was just texting and carry on as if nothing ever happened. The whole ego issue comes into play here as well..unlike you and your guy...we aren't long distance...so now I feel like maybe I wasn't satisfying him and that's why he was looking for attention somewhere else...it's such an awful situation....but just know that someone else out there is going through it as well...