Well, here goes! My boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me! I have always trusted him, maybe been jealous or nervous of his ex wife. Because she blamed me for their divorce but we didn't even know each other until after they had been separated. But she wanted him back and he had no interest because she had cheated on him. So, needless to say, she hates me and makes things harder for us. It's bad I know but I keep on eye on the cell phone bill and check his texts on his phone. They always match, he never tries to hide anything.
He worked second shift out entire relationship. He always hated first shift because he hates getting up early. I was on first shift. I always liked it that way. We both had of our "own" time. Not being together so much is probably the reason why we've been together this long. Anyway, he always said he hated it. He hounded me to trade out shifts or come to night shift. I did a couple times for two week intervals. Then Monday he would be what I used to call "cry" about it. But, he was just missing me. But at that time it just drove me nuts. We had wonderful weekends together. It was enough for me, he hated it. Always checking on me. Calling, texting, asking me to have sex with him before I went to work. But it was too early for me to add that much time to get up.
Then what are the odds. I took a job promotion and had to be put on night shift. Nice easy job too. One I told him I'd take second shift for, for years. First 3 weeks were wonderful. Sex, lunch together, talking, shopping, watching tv, going to bed at the same time. Loved it. Then he got sent to day shift. Promotional opportunity! I was mad that I gave up day shift for him and now he has to leave but I though, well, maybe it's for the best. "We've been together 7 years because we've been on different shifts". Always my quote.
I have a hobby that involves taking weekend trips and he's supporting but hated it too because I'm never home. I've had to cut down the trips due to bring on night shift but still drives him crazy.
He's told me things need to change, he's not happy. He misses me. We don't have a relationship. "I asked you not to take that night shift job because I might be going to day shift".
I pretty much ignored all of it. I was fine and didn't think it was that big if a deal. I did want to spend more time with him but also liked doing what I wanted too.
First he went to "showme's" with guys from work one night. He's never been able to do that since I've known him because of working night shift. Plus he always wanted to take me out when he wasn't working. He got home at 10:30. I thought man I love him, he needed some hang out time. Well deserved it I guess.
Then, one night my daughters friend saw him in the next town and texted me (unlike him to go anywhere during the week). I asked her to see where he's going. He went to a house and she had to keep driving so he wouldn't see her. But got the address. I put it in white pages app and did reverse lookup on a chance to see if it would pull up names. It pulled up a girl name with the age around his. Then I called him and asked if he was with someone last night and he said he went to a mutual guy friends to watch the clippers-magic game. I asked dies he still livd in those departments in our town and he said yes. So tada! He lied. Then I had the thought. Our contacts are on our computer. So I pulled them up and there was her NAME. Same as the address. I just called him and asked "were you at so and so's last night. He admitted it. My heart broke I can't even describe the hurt, the anger.
He said he had just meet her at work. She's a engineer from another company. He said it felt good to be wanted. And that he didn't feel like I wanted to be with him and that I didn't love him. (I left out that two people told him that I was hanging out with a guy at a concert I had truly went to with my best friend. I did talk to people I knew that I had worked with in the past but nothing more) (those people had asked him if we had broke up). He had pain and wonder in his heart that I cheated on him.
He said it was just going to be a dinner thing and just having someone so interested in what he had to say was flattering. When they walked outside she said "ooo it's cold and snuggled herself into his coat". They headed back to her house and she asked him to come in and he said I better get going and she kept saying oh you can just stay a second or two. He said well I do need to use the restroom. Well. You can imagine what happened. Ask him to sit down for awhile. One thing lead to the next.
Now, our confrontation was crazy. Lots of tears, anger, crying, apologizing, him saying he's not that kind of person and that he prided himself on it. I told him I knew he wasn't that type of person either and that's why it shocks me so much. He says he can't even understand why he did it. Said there's been several girls flirt with him and the thought never crossed his mind. Same with me actually. But he doesn't understand what was different this time. I asked him if he cared about her and he said no. Said he hates that he hurt me and hates that he hurt her too. He's told her that we are going to try to work thru our relationship.
Said hes so ashamed of himself that it hurts him when he looks at me. He says he doesn't want to lose me and that he loves me. And that in his head he doesn't know if things between us will change and that its broken because of this.
I realize I took him for granted. I didn't really realize how much I truly love him until the thought that I could lose him. I'm in pain severe pain about what he did but want to get thru this. Together. I don't want to put myself thru the misery of trying to cope if he isn't truly wanting us to work on our relationship.
Can't help to think he might be too far gone for me to change my habits. I so want to try. He says he loves me more than anything in this world along with his kids.
All he wanted was to be with me more and I ignored it. He's told me he's been unhappy for the past year and missed me and needed my attention. In one ear and out the other.
What do I do now?
He worked second shift out entire relationship. He always hated first shift because he hates getting up early. I was on first shift. I always liked it that way. We both had of our "own" time. Not being together so much is probably the reason why we've been together this long. Anyway, he always said he hated it. He hounded me to trade out shifts or come to night shift. I did a couple times for two week intervals. Then Monday he would be what I used to call "cry" about it. But, he was just missing me. But at that time it just drove me nuts. We had wonderful weekends together. It was enough for me, he hated it. Always checking on me. Calling, texting, asking me to have sex with him before I went to work. But it was too early for me to add that much time to get up.
Then what are the odds. I took a job promotion and had to be put on night shift. Nice easy job too. One I told him I'd take second shift for, for years. First 3 weeks were wonderful. Sex, lunch together, talking, shopping, watching tv, going to bed at the same time. Loved it. Then he got sent to day shift. Promotional opportunity! I was mad that I gave up day shift for him and now he has to leave but I though, well, maybe it's for the best. "We've been together 7 years because we've been on different shifts". Always my quote.
I have a hobby that involves taking weekend trips and he's supporting but hated it too because I'm never home. I've had to cut down the trips due to bring on night shift but still drives him crazy.
He's told me things need to change, he's not happy. He misses me. We don't have a relationship. "I asked you not to take that night shift job because I might be going to day shift".
I pretty much ignored all of it. I was fine and didn't think it was that big if a deal. I did want to spend more time with him but also liked doing what I wanted too.
First he went to "showme's" with guys from work one night. He's never been able to do that since I've known him because of working night shift. Plus he always wanted to take me out when he wasn't working. He got home at 10:30. I thought man I love him, he needed some hang out time. Well deserved it I guess.
Then, one night my daughters friend saw him in the next town and texted me (unlike him to go anywhere during the week). I asked her to see where he's going. He went to a house and she had to keep driving so he wouldn't see her. But got the address. I put it in white pages app and did reverse lookup on a chance to see if it would pull up names. It pulled up a girl name with the age around his. Then I called him and asked if he was with someone last night and he said he went to a mutual guy friends to watch the clippers-magic game. I asked dies he still livd in those departments in our town and he said yes. So tada! He lied. Then I had the thought. Our contacts are on our computer. So I pulled them up and there was her NAME. Same as the address. I just called him and asked "were you at so and so's last night. He admitted it. My heart broke I can't even describe the hurt, the anger.
He said he had just meet her at work. She's a engineer from another company. He said it felt good to be wanted. And that he didn't feel like I wanted to be with him and that I didn't love him. (I left out that two people told him that I was hanging out with a guy at a concert I had truly went to with my best friend. I did talk to people I knew that I had worked with in the past but nothing more) (those people had asked him if we had broke up). He had pain and wonder in his heart that I cheated on him.
He said it was just going to be a dinner thing and just having someone so interested in what he had to say was flattering. When they walked outside she said "ooo it's cold and snuggled herself into his coat". They headed back to her house and she asked him to come in and he said I better get going and she kept saying oh you can just stay a second or two. He said well I do need to use the restroom. Well. You can imagine what happened. Ask him to sit down for awhile. One thing lead to the next.
Now, our confrontation was crazy. Lots of tears, anger, crying, apologizing, him saying he's not that kind of person and that he prided himself on it. I told him I knew he wasn't that type of person either and that's why it shocks me so much. He says he can't even understand why he did it. Said there's been several girls flirt with him and the thought never crossed his mind. Same with me actually. But he doesn't understand what was different this time. I asked him if he cared about her and he said no. Said he hates that he hurt me and hates that he hurt her too. He's told her that we are going to try to work thru our relationship.
Said hes so ashamed of himself that it hurts him when he looks at me. He says he doesn't want to lose me and that he loves me. And that in his head he doesn't know if things between us will change and that its broken because of this.
I realize I took him for granted. I didn't really realize how much I truly love him until the thought that I could lose him. I'm in pain severe pain about what he did but want to get thru this. Together. I don't want to put myself thru the misery of trying to cope if he isn't truly wanting us to work on our relationship.
Can't help to think he might be too far gone for me to change my habits. I so want to try. He says he loves me more than anything in this world along with his kids.
All he wanted was to be with me more and I ignored it. He's told me he's been unhappy for the past year and missed me and needed my attention. In one ear and out the other.
What do I do now?
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