[Missredd]

My boyfriend broke up with me tonight. I went shopping with my family today and then went to a store by myself and then home afterward. He said I was out shopping for a man and looking for attention. He says he doesn't trust me and that it was over. I've never cheated on him and I've tried to prove that's I him from day one. There's never a time where he can't find me, he's at my place for days and we're always together. He has trust and insecurity issues. I don't know what to do. And to beat all, after he dumped me, he sends me a text that says, for the record, my heart is broken. I'm like wow, your heart is broken but you dumped me! I chose not to respond. He broke up with me via text. Any suggestions...

[Mayflower7]

My boyfriend broke up with me tonight. I went shopping with my family today and then went to a store by myself and then home afterward. He said I was out shopping for a man and looking for attention. He says he doesn't trust me and that it was over. I've never cheated on him and I've tried to prove that's I him from day one. There's never a time where he can't find me, he's at my place for days and we're always together. He has trust and insecurity issues. I don't know what to do. And to beat all, after he dumped me, he sends me a text that says, for the record, my heart is broken. I'm like wow, your heart is broken but you dumped me! I chose not to respond. He broke up with me via text. Any suggestions...

Hi Missredd,
If you really do care a lot for him and love him? Is the relationship worth saving? He may have been badly treated in the past? So his issue's really but affecting yourself, he obviously can't help it.
Did previous girlfriends mis-treat him so now he doesn't trust anybody?
See if he will open up to you, spend more time together if you wish to save this relationship if not walk away, and explain to him why you can't be together. Does he have close friends/family to support him?
Has anything happened in his life recently and he wanted more attention from you?
If did via text couldn't tell you face to face, so is he really upset about this? As sent another saying my heart is broken, so he did appear to really love you I think.
He seems jealous of your family, was it not possible for him to go as well? Try involving him in your whole life as may reassure him even more. Maybe go round and see him right away if feel want too.
Difficult time for both of you, please look after yourself. Try not to be to angry at him.
Take Care
Kate

[Missredd]

I'm not sure at this point. I don't like the fact that every time he gets angry, he breaks it off. he's tried in the past to leave me alone about 5 times now. Yes, I think he was treated badly before but so was I from physical, to sexual abuse. That doesn't make it okay to behave this way. He could have gone, but he would've felt out of place, it was my mom and grandma. I tried all I can to save this relationship and I always go out of my way to try to make him comfortable. I always make sure that he's included, even if it's something he doesn't want to do, I still ask. I'm always apologizing even when I'm not the one to cause the problem. And as I stated, I'm always running behind him. Why won't he come after me?? We went from being good to not being together. He's not really close to his family at all, he talks to them sometimes, he's pretty much a loner. I love him but if he really loved me too, why was it so easy to walk away???

[jns]

This is a control issue that is driven by his insecurities. His insecurity causes a reaction to you doing something independent of him, in some ways like an allergic reaction. He, in turn, says it's over to get you to not do it again. Later he get's back together with you and hopes his breaking up with you will make you less likely to go out on your own. He does not see that his breaking up with you damages your feelings of being secure in the relationship. He should go to counseling to lower his reaction to you doing things independent of him. Hopefully that will solve the control issues, too.

[Guest]

Bet his gay.

[Missredd]

It's funny you say that. I feel like a kid who has done something wrong and I'm being punished. I know that I did nothing wrong at all!!! Let me put it this way. I feel like he keeps things from me that he knows will help me to survive in a relationship. He with holds affection, sometimes sex, and just plain love from me. I don't understand it. i told him that I need those things in my relationship. Sometimes he won't kiss me or hug me either. He makes me feel as though he doesn't want to be bothered with me. It hurts my feelings and I tell him but he seems emotionless when I talk to him. Idk....

[Missredd]

What makes you say that Flashbang?

[jns]

It's funny you say that. I feel like a kid who has done something wrong and I'm being punished. I know that I did nothing wrong at all!!! Let me put it this way. I feel like he keeps things from me that he knows will help me to survive in a relationship. He with holds affection, sometimes sex, and just plain love from me. I don't understand it. i told him that I need those things in my relationship. Sometimes he won't kiss me or hug me either. He makes me feel as though he doesn't want to be bothered with me. It hurts my feelings and I tell him but he seems emotionless when I talk to him. Idk....

I wonder if that is what he experienced at home when he was growing up? Nevertheless, those actions are controlling. He may need more counseling than I originally thought.

[Missredd]

He says his lack of trust for me makes him hold back, but it hurts and I've told him that. I don't get it. I haven't heard from him at all today and well I probably won't since he said it was over.

[Mayflower7]

It's funny you say that. I feel like a kid who has done something wrong and I'm being punished. I know that I did nothing wrong at all!!! Let me put it this way. I feel like he keeps things from me that he knows will help me to survive in a relationship. He with holds affection, sometimes sex, and just plain love from me. I don't understand it. i told him that I need those things in my relationship. Sometimes he won't kiss me or hug me either. He makes me feel as though he doesn't want to be bothered with me. It hurts my feelings and I tell him but he seems emotionless when I talk to him. Idk....

Hi MissRed,
Maybe scared to commit, might not be comfortable with his body? Yes controlling but he seems scared you will disappear. If he did start being an abusive partner, get out of there. Never put up with abuse.
Possible joint relationship counselling, try being loving towards him?
Like other's have suggested maybe something happened in his childhood?
Take care
Kate