[Missredd]

Hi MissRed,
Maybe scared to commit, might not be comfortable with his body? Yes controlling but he seems scared you will disappear. If he did start being an abusive partner, get out of there. Never put up with abuse.
Possible joint relationship counselling, try being loving towards him?
Like other's have suggested maybe something happened in his childhood?
Take care
Kate

Kate, I have been very loving towards him even when he didn't deserve it. Idk what else to do here. I can't talk to someone that doesn't want to be with me. This is what I'm saying, I love him and he knows this because I show him all the time, but when will he come after me and show me he loves me?? The more I think about it the angrier I become, he dumped me via text and I haven't heard from him since. This crap is very frustrating......thanks for your advice

[Ashlee T.]

I'm not sure what in this thread would leave one to say "Bet he's gay" with no explanation........... but whatever.

MissRedd - I'm afraid this guy is playing games with you. His feelings for you are tied around how you make HIM feel, whether or not you boost his esteem at the moment or not. Someone who is that insecure, is usually hiding a lot of things about themselves. It doesn't sound like this relationship, for him, is based around deep feelings in his heart of caring for you, YOU...the woman, the person. It seems to be based around control, ego stroking, continual insecurity, him not being open and honest about WHO he truly is.

I know you want him to love you. But while you're sitting around waiting for that to happen... he's yanking you around, he's taking away from time you could be spending learning about yourself, or with someone who truly adores you. I just get a strong feeling he's not who you think he is. That doesn't mean I think he's "gay", that's not the direction I"m heading at all.....but definitely that he's not who he has let you believe he is, he's hiding things...and he's making you pay for his own feelings of insecurity and self loathing by totally yanking you around.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

MissRedd

Can I ask you.

How old you both are, how long you have been going together.

Do you know what his thoughts are on abuse? Of a guy hurting a girl physically or sexually? Have you ever discussed this?

There are reasons for my questions so I hope you don't mind.

CW

[rcoreyus]

His objecting to you shopping alone raises all sorts of red flags for me. Its not like you went on a vacation with another man, you just went out by yourself. I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that he wants to control you that much. Whatever his issues are, I honestly think you are better off without him. I don't see how any relationship can be happy without a reasonable level of trust.

[Mini111]

You chose right not to text him this is very difficult to spend life with this kind nature's man.There is no future of relationship in which there is no trust.trust is like very delicate thread between two persons if this broke ones never can be joined without knot...

...............
best of luck

[Missredd]

MissRedd

Can I ask you.

How old you both are, how long you have been going together.

Do you know what his thoughts are on abuse? Of a guy hurting a girl physically or sexually? Have you ever discussed this?

There are reasons for my questions so I hope you don't mind.

CW

We're both 36 years of age. To be honest he is verbally and emotionally abusive. He says he doesn't trust me but I do everything in my power to get him to trust me. There are alot of double standards in our relationship. He feels that he can say and do anything that he wants but if I give it back to him the same way he did, it's a huge problem. It's driving me crazy, and it's tearing this relationship sort to say the least. When he wrong and I call him on it, he gets angry and won't talk, answer my calls or respond to my text messages.

[Ashlee T.]

To be honest he is verbally and emotionally abusive. He says he doesn't trust me but I do everything in my power to get him to trust me. There are alot of double standards in our relationship. He feels that he can say and do anything that he wants but if I give it back to him the same way he did, it's a huge problem. It's driving me crazy, and it's tearing this relationship sort to say the least. When he wrong and I call him on it, he gets angry and won't talk, answer my calls or respond to my text messages.

Please read back what you just wrote. Pretend someone else wrote it...perhaps your sister or a best friend. And then imagine what you'd think...and what you'd tell them in response.

You just acknowledged that you're being abused....yet you're letting the leaving be up to him. Think about it. Is that really how you want to spend your life? You are young...is this really how you want to remember your 30's?

[Missredd]

Please read back what you just wrote. Pretend someone else wrote it...perhaps your sister or a best friend. And then imagine what you'd think...and what you'd tell them in response.

You just acknowledged that you're being abused....yet you're letting the leaving be up to him. Think about it. Is that really how you want to spend your life? You are young...is this really how you want to remember your 30's?

I totally get what you're saying but I guess I felt like if I stuck it out with him, maybe he would change at some point. When I think of leaving, like now, I feel alone. I don't like that feeling but I don't like the feeling I'm getting from him either. How do I just walk away....

[Brit0412]

Your relationship sounds exactly like mine! every detail.. no joke.. except hes 35 and im 24...my bf and i have been on an off the past year.. the previous 2 years were actually pretty good...miniml fighting, everything was mostly equal.. then it was like someone switchd on a light switch and he became a different person.. he also started hanging out with a couple old friends and i really dont like thme they are emtionless womanizing pigs.. they travel for work and one time while h was out on the road he broke up with me for a stripper.. like really?!!! flew her up here and went to pick her up at the airport got a dui and called me to come bail him out!!! now that ballzy... no i did not go i was at work.. but still thats just a lil bit of the cra he has pulled with me.. we need to be strong.. we know whats wrong an th***** wrong to treat us as they do... we do deserve better.. its ust a matter of ourselves realiziing that we are strong and beautiful without them... trust me its either said then done i kno lol... good luck hun!! keep me posted as to how you make out!!!

[Ashlee T.]

How do I just walk away....

You just do. I know it sounds like I'm simplifying it...but that's just the honest truth. If you're waiting for the moment when it feels "right" to end your relationship, or doesn't hurt...you'll never do it. It DOES hurt to walk away from someone you care about. It WILL hurt. You WILL feel lonely and there will be moments of loneliness in which you feel regret for ending it. There will be moments in which you are able to forget all the bad and dwell on only the good. But that's just part of breaking up and moving on. Staying strong in your decision throughout those moments is what is important.

You're wasting precious life being unhappy and abused... selling yourself short. It's time to stop wasting your time trying to fix him in hopes he will change and start the focus on you and work on yourself to figure out WHY you're willing to do that.