[Missredd]

You just do. I know it sounds like I'm simplifying it...but that's just the honest truth. If you're waiting for the moment when it feels "right" to end your relationship, or doesn't hurt...you'll never do it. It DOES hurt to walk away from someone you care about. It WILL hurt. You WILL feel lonely and there will be moments of loneliness in which you feel regret for ending it. There will be moments in which you are able to forget all the bad and dwell on only the good. But that's just part of breaking up and moving on. Staying strong in your decision throughout those moments is what is important.

You're wasting precious life being unhappy and abused... selling yourself short. It's time to stop wasting your time trying to fix him in hopes he will change and start the focus on you and work on yourself to figure out WHY you're willing to do that.

It's just bothering me that he can say he loves and cares about me but he can just stay silent. Let me explain what happened. He wanted me to meet him at a restaurant near by because a couple of co-workers retired that day. He wanted to have a couple drinks, I said okay cool, I'll meet you there. Well, I get there and we sit at the bar while his coworkers sat on the other side of the restaurant. He's looking over where everyone was and I'm thinking we were gonna go over where they were but we didn't. He said he didn't want everyone to know who he was close to meaning me. I'm like wth!!! Why did he ask me to come then? I'm thinking this. I felt uncomfortable then and wanted to leave by that time. He knew I was bothered cause he continued to ask me about it. Well as we walked out to my car a female walked in and he said he stopped talking to her because she talked to much but later on he told me that they used to be involved. I felt like *****. My thinking now is really all over the place. I'm like **** you walked me to my car and you went back in there knowing she was there. I was ****ed!!! I felt like when he saw her he shoulda asked me to stay or shoulda left!!! But instead, he stayed. I asked him later if those people were not his friends, why did he even go???!!! Now let me say this, I've been to a dinner before with him and coworkers so I didn't understand why this time was so different, until I found out that there was an old flame there. He text me after I left and said I'm sorry bae, I need you to understand. I'm like wtf is to understand!!!! That crap looked real messed up!!! I told him there was nothing to talk about but as the evening went on, I was getting more angry. I called him and we argued and he hung up me, I called back several times and he sent me to voicemail. I text him and said we needed to have a heart to heart talk about our future cause I don't wanna go on like this. That's when the silent treatment began. He got all extra mad like this was my fault when I know it clearly wasn't. Had the roles been reversed, he would've acted a stone fool!!!! Now here I am today thinking and wondering if this relationship is even worth it. He has a lot if double standards and its getting on my **** nerves. I give and give because I love him, but he's wearing me down....

[Ashlee T.]

It's just bothering me that he can say he loves and cares about me but he can just stay silent. Let me explain what happened. He wanted me to meet him at a restaurant near by because a couple of co-workers retired that day. He wanted to have a couple drinks, I said okay cool, I'll meet you there. Well, I get there and we sit at the bar while his coworkers sat on the other side of the restaurant. He's looking over where everyone was and I'm thinking we were gonna go over where they were but we didn't. He said he didn't want everyone to know who he was close to meaning me. I'm like wth!!! Why did he ask me to come then? I'm thinking this. I felt uncomfortable then and wanted to leave by that time. He knew I was bothered cause he continued to ask me about it. Well as we walked out to my car a female walked in and he said he stopped talking to her because she talked to much but later on he told me that they used to be involved. I felt like ********************. My thinking now is really all over the place. I'm like **************** you walked me to my car and you went back in there knowing she was there. I was ****ed!!! I felt like when he saw her he shoulda asked me to stay or shoulda left!!! But instead, he stayed. I asked him later if those people were not his friends, why did he even go???!!! Now let me say this, I've been to a dinner before with him and coworkers so I didn't understand why this time was so different, until I found out that there was an old flame there. He text me after I left and said I'm sorry bae, I need you to understand. I'm like wtf is to understand!!!! That crap looked real messed up!!! I told him there was nothing to talk about but as the evening went on, I was getting more angry. I called him and we argued and he hung up me, I called back several times and he sent me to voicemail. I text him and said we needed to have a heart to heart talk about our future cause I don't wanna go on like this. That's when the silent treatment began. He got all extra mad like this was my fault when I know it clearly wasn't. Had the roles been reversed, he would've acted a stone fool!!!! Now here I am today thinking and wondering if this relationship is even worth it. He has a lot if double standards and its getting on my **************** nerves. I give and give because I love him, but he's wearing me down....

All this does is reinforce what I've felt from the beginning in regards to your relationship. This guy doesn't love you, this guy is playing games with you, abusing you, using you, treating you like poo, and the more he treats you like poo the harder you hang on. Why? Because you've "invested alot" in the relationship? What's done is done. It's a sunk cost. You can never get that time back no matter how long you stay in the relationship. But you CAN choose not to waste any more of your time being abused and mistreated.

If a guy, I don't care how long I had been dating him, publicly humiliated me like that over another female, I would have left him and ended it right there on the spot. You have got to work on establishing some confidence in yourself so that you avoid men like him in the future. Girl, you can do better than this. You can tell us story after story, and our answers to you are not going to change. You know what you need to do.

[Missredd]

All this does is reinforce what I've felt from the beginning in regards to your relationship. This guy doesn't love you, this guy is playing games with you, abusing you, using you, treating you like poo, and the more he treats you like poo the harder you hang on. Why? Because you've "invested alot" in the relationship? What's done is done. It's a sunk cost. You can never get that time back no matter how long you stay in the relationship. But you CAN choose not to waste any more of your time being abused and mistreated.

If a guy, I don't care how long I had been dating him, publicly humiliated me like that over another female, I would have left him and ended it right there on the spot. You have got to work on establishing some confidence in yourself so that you avoid men like him in the future. Girl, you can do better than this. You can tell us story after story, and our answers to you are not going to change. You know what you need to do.

I agree with you, I guess that's why I haven't had the desire to contact him at all because deep down in my heart I know that if you care and love a person, you don't treat them this way. I'll have to do some more praying because that's whats been helping me thus far. Thanks for your advice!!!

[Ashlee T.]

Yep. It's hard for "good people" with good hearts to comprehend someone who is an abuser..someone who carelessly handles the feelings of those that love them. It's common to think in circles: "Well if he loved me he couldn't possibly treat me this bad!"........"but why is he with me and why does he keep coming back to me if he doesn't love me? He must love me in his own way." When those kind of thoughts enter your mind, do everything you can to repress that. The bottom line is, if YOU are not happy, then you are not being treated like you deserve to be treated. The fact that you're posting here shows me that you know this...but you're still hanging on the pipe dream that he will change. I hope that very soon you can pick yourself up, end the relationship and cut all communication and ties to him. That is your path to happiness.

[Missredd]

Yep. It's hard for "good people" with good hearts to comprehend someone who is an abuser..someone who carelessly handles the feelings of those that love them. It's common to think in circles: "Well if he loved me he couldn't possibly treat me this bad!"........"but why is he with me and why does he keep coming back to me if he doesn't love me? He must love me in his own way." When those kind of thoughts enter your mind, do everything you can to repress that. The bottom line is, if YOU are not happy, then you are not being treated like you deserve to be treated. The fact that you're posting here shows me that you know this...but you're still hanging on the pipe dream that he will change. I hope that very soon you can pick yourself up, end the relationship and cut all communication and ties to him. That is your path to happiness.

The sad part about is its been 3 days and not a peep from him. I'm starting to feel sad and alone because I'm so used to him being around. It makes me angry as well cause I was **** good to him, anything he asked for he got at any time. But the flip side of that was I didn't....why do I feel sad if he treated me like crap more than he treated me good?

[MoeJr]

Missredd ....listen to a few of these peeps here. He is a control freak! He does a lot of these things for attention, holds you on the back burner, everything he says, does, is about him. Struggle with the ups and downs of ending a relationship, work on and worry about YOU, things will get better with time. Show him YOU can do it and will NOT settle for his bullsh**t. There is a great guy out there somewhere waiting , wanting a woman like you in his life, someone who will treat you right!

[Missredd]

Missredd ....listen to a few of these peeps here. He is a control freak! He does a lot of these things for attention, holds you on the back burner, everything he says, does, is about him. Struggle with the ups and downs of ending a relationship, work on and worry about YOU, things will get better with time. Show him YOU can do it and will NOT settle for his bullsh****t. There is a great guy out there somewhere waiting , wanting a woman like you in his life, someone who will treat you right!

Yeah I'm going to listen. It's just hard ya know what I mean. It's not hard for me to meet other people, I'm a very attractive young lady on the outside, I just don't feel like that on the inside. But maybe that's what you mean by work in my self. I feel like I gave so much that now I'm drained. I told him once that he was controlling and his reply was, I know. I wish I could turn my feelings off but I can't, if I could they weren't genuine from the start. I guess like the saying goes, time heals all hurt and I'll have to give it time.

[Euphoric]

Missredd,

Once you have made up your mind that you are tired of being mistreated and deserve better, keep this in mind. Manipulative people are smart to a degree. They learn very earlier what your weaknesses and vulnerabilities are. That is one of the reasons people stay in abusive relationships longer than they should. When their victim finally takes a stand, they prey on your weak spots. They know how to bring you to your knees with their sorrowful stories of woe, and how sorry they are. The thing is this, if your boyfriend was going to change, he would have already done it. The manipulative person will temporarily show you the side of them you crave, but only long enough to sink their claws a little deeper into you and then their normal pattern of behavior returns. Once you make a stand to remove yourself from this toxic relationship, you need to stand firm. Partners are suppose to be there for you - to share the ups and downs, laugh with you, cry with you (or at least offer you a shoulder), not MAKE you cry, and feel hurt, sorrow, and anger. You deserve more than making it over this hurdle only to find another one waiting. That is what this guy is doing to you.

Best Wishes!

[Missredd]

Missredd,

Once you have made up your mind that you are tired of being mistreated and deserve better, keep this in mind. Manipulative people are smart to a degree. They learn very earlier what your weaknesses and vulnerabilities are. That is one of the reasons people stay in abusive relationships longer than they should. When their victim finally takes a stand, they prey on your weak spots. They know how to bring you to your knees with their sorrowful stories of woe, and how sorry they are. The thing is this, if your boyfriend was going to change, he would have already done it. The manipulative person will temporarily show you the side of them you crave, but only long enough to sink their claws a little deeper into you and then their normal pattern of behavior returns. Once you make a stand to remove yourself from this toxic relationship, you need to stand firm. Partners are suppose to be there for you - to share the ups and downs, laugh with you, cry with you (or at least offer you a shoulder), not MAKE you cry, and feel hurt, sorrow, and anger. You deserve more than making it over this hurdle only to find another one waiting. That is what this guy is doing to you.

Best Wishes!

So I guess my question to everyone is do you all think he's staying away because he knows it bothers me and I normally chase him? Normally when he's wrong he just comes back around like nothing happened. Do you think he'll come back around? This behaviour is so ridiculous to me. I do have to stand firm. I miss him but not the things that he's done/said to me.

[jns]

He's staying away to get you to be the one to give in first. If you give in he knows he holds the winning hand.