[bubbles32]

Im just wondering.
Would you date a person man or woman if they didnt have a job?
Does it make you a gold digger if you refuse to go out with some if they dont have a job. Im just starting discussion on this because my friend will not date or even concider having a relationship with a man if he aint got a job,car and own place. We argue about this alot because im saying what if youve caught him in life at a bad time? what if he was made redundant? My bf wasnt working when i met him but now hes on track doing his thing. she says dont know how you did it? I said i dont know how men put up with your snotty demands :-S didnt speak for a while after that lol.
im just wondering does she have a point or is it gold digging???

[rcoreyus]

People can decide to date, or not date others for any reason they want. There is nothing wrong with considering everything about a person, including what sort of job they have.

[Magnetism]

If the woman in question has her own car, job and place, I don't feel it's snobby or gold-digging to expect the same in a partner.

A gold digger to me would be someone that only dates a rich man for his money, and doesn't have her own life together.

It's one thing if someone is in a bad place in their life, but are they working towards fixing it? If a person has a long-standing pattern of not doing anything to improve their situation, I would be very concerned.

[Ashlee T.]

At one time I would've considered no job a dealbreaker unless he was just in a temporary unemployment due to lay off or career change or something like that. However, I recently got involved with a guy who didn't have a job. It didn't last...but not for that reason. There were issues with it...for example: I felt guilty if we went out to eat and he paid for dinner even though I tried to pay at least half the time. Another example: going out and doing things like movies or concerts or other fun things that require money weren't really a possibility so it really limited the things we could do together. The lack of employment also seemed to cause some feelings of "inferiority" on his part.

I think once you get past a certain age, dating someone with no job, no place, no car or a combination of all those things would definitely pose issues. Those issues are real and have nothing to do with being a "gold digger" or anything like that. It's important to seek a partner that has similar levels of ambition and motivation in life. If you're a college grad, furthering your education, working full time, own your own home, pay your own bills and you're dating a guy who has no job, pays no bills, live with the parents...........surely you can see where there would be misalignment there.

[nicole_3512]

its hard to say because they can be unemployed for multiple reasons.. the ones I dont enjoy hearing are
1. I quit because I didnt like my other job.. (most people dont like there job but it makes them money.. and you need money otherwise youll be homeless and starve)
2. I was fired because ..of some really lam excuse such as cant get to work on time or never showing up.. (cmon... like come on...)
3. Im more of a entrepanor . cant spell.. (....no your not)
4. NEVER LOOKING IS A HUGE THING OF MINE I HATE

but the only way I would date them is if I loved there personality and helped them get a job...

I mean its not a deciding factor right away but over like a good 6 months if your not even trying to get one... its time to go.

[bubbles32]

I get what you all mean but it just got me that when she meets a guy the check list comes out and if 1..just 1 thing is off hes gone. Then i get the earache of her i want a bf i want to settle down and im like well lower you standard just a smiggen and realise men come from all walks a life. My bf never had a job when i met him but now hes going up and up in what hes doing. I agree though if a man has no intension of sorting himself out then yeah then thats a problem. im saying dont right off a man before you find out is all.

[Magnetism]

I think once you get past a certain age, dating someone with no job, no place, no car or a combination of all those things would definitely pose issues. Those issues are real and have nothing to do with being a "gold digger" or anything like that. It's important to seek a partner that has similar levels of ambition and motivation in life. If you're a college grad, furthering your education, working full time, own your own home, pay your own bills and you're dating a guy who has no job, pays no bills, live with the parents...........surely you can see where there would be misalignment there.

This is exactly what I meant in another thread of mine.


If you're an 18 year old student or just dating someone for fun, education probably wouldn't matter. If you're looking for a long-term husband/wife and want kids, then education, finances and the ability to transport matter.

[jns]

I grew up in a different era where guys were supposed to work hard to get a good job and then get married and raise a family. The roles were fairly tightly defined.

When I got married I had a job and my wife did not. Since I wanted to bring her to the USA, the US government required me to sign a paper guaranteeing support so she would not have to rely on the public dole if we split up. A few years after being here, she decided she wanted to work so she could send more support money home. I neither encouraged or discouraged her working. I ended up ferrying her to work and back every day for a couple of years until she decided she wanted to drive enough to study and take the written test. Even before then, I was teaching her how to handle a car by driving co-pilot (I controlled the gas and brakes and kept check on the steering, she controlled the steering while sitting close). After getting her license, she has maintained jobs and found new ones when the previous ones no longer had work available.

Maintaining a job shows ambition. But, raising kids shows ambition, also as does charitably giving of your time or running a business or a farm, etc. Having a job keeps money coming in for a person or a family. If one person in a family or other grouping is bringing in enough money, the others may be able to use their time elsewhere. The real key is: are they being truly ambitious and productive.

That being said, some guys will feel emasculated if they are not the top breadwinner. Although I would suspect there is a smaller percentage for women who feel that way, some would feel similarly if they aren't the top breadwinner.

bubbles, I wouldn't consider her gold digging. She is just using one of the most common ways to determine if the man she is interested in is ambitious. She is looking for someone with independence and ambition. If I was the guy, I wouldn't consider it gold digging unless she showed a strong selfish streak. She should expect him to share some of his bounty with her. He should share it gladly. In return, she should share some of her life and personality with him. All at a reasonable compromise.

[Magnetism]

I grew up in a different era where guys were supposed to work hard to get a good job and then get married and raise a family. The roles were fairly tightly defined.

When I got married I had a job and my wife did not. Since I wanted to bring her to the USA, the US government required me to sign a paper guaranteeing support so she would not have to rely on the public dole if we split up. A few years after being here, she decided she wanted to work so she could send more support money home. I neither encouraged or discouraged her working. I ended up ferrying her to work and back every day for a couple of years until she decided she wanted to drive enough to study and take the written test. Even before then, I was teaching her how to handle a car by driving co-pilot (I controlled the gas and brakes and kept check on the steering, she controlled the steering while sitting close). After getting her license, she has maintained jobs and found new ones when the previous ones no longer had work available.

Maintaining a job shows ambition. But, raising kids shows ambition, also as does charitably giving of your time or running a business or a farm, etc. Having a job keeps money coming in for a person or a family. If one person in a family or other grouping is bringing in enough money, the others may be able to use their time elsewhere. The real key is: are they being truly ambitious and productive.

That being said, some guys will feel emasculated if they are not the top breadwinner. Although I would suspect there is a smaller percentage for women who feel that way, some would feel similarly if they aren't the top breadwinner.

bubbles, I wouldn't consider her gold digging. She is just using one of the most common ways to determine if the man she is interested in is ambitious. She is looking for someone with independence and ambition. If I was the guy, I wouldn't consider it gold digging unless she showed a strong selfish streak. She should expect him to share some of his bounty with her. He should share it gladly. In return, she should share some of her life and personality with him. All at a reasonable compromise.

So, what happened to this mentality of raising men that work hard to get a good job?

In my generation, I see more women are more ambitious and established than the men.

I also feel like you can't change nature. Men want to be providers and protectors. So, I don't blame a man that feels disempowered knowing that his woman is bringing all of the income.

[Magnetism]

Double post.