[jroopchand]

I am 26 years old. My X-husband is 25. He left me for a woman that is 47. She has 2 kids. We were together for 2 years. He won't come back home. I begged and I begged. I was pregnant (found out May 11). He left home to be with her May 17. I begged for him to come home and he didn't. He had his bags at my place on July 5th and 6 hours after being with me again he begged me to let him leave to go back to his new family.

He says he wants to come home and he loves me but his actions tell me everything different. She gives him clothes, money and jewelery. She's given him a car. All the material things I can't and I just don't understand but a million dollars would never get me to leave him. I will give him everything I can and its not enough.

I know its been almost 2 months but it's like its not getting better. I don't understand how he sleeps without me. I don't understand how he doesn't miss my laugh or our stupid jokes.

I wish there was a way to put a photo of myself because I want people to know I am good looking person and he left me for a woman that is not even close to good looking. I just know how I let myself completely trust a man that doesn't give to ****s about me.

I just want to know when it will get better because I don't see the light.

I am sorry if it seems like I complain and sound like a baby - it just hurts. All of it hurts. I just want to wake up from this nightmare.

[Stillness]

Is he on drugs?

That was my first thought. I don't know what would make a man leave his young family for a situation like that unless they were involved in that kind of lifestyle. For him to come home for 6 hours and be pulled back like that sounds odd otherwise. Either way you can't make someone love you, be loyal, or show natural affection.

We have a saying: Don't throw your pearls before swine so that they trample them under their feet and turn around and rip you open. Some people won't recognize something valuable and they'll make you regret trying to give it to them. You have to be tough, not to everyone, but towards him and your feelings for him - for you and your baby. The part of you that's soft and welcoming towards him has to be cold, hard steel without losing who you are. I know that's easier said than done.

You can do it. I saw my mother do it when she left my father. He fought us fleeing from him, even using his power over me as his son to make me open the car locks for him after he disabled the vehicle. But she got us away anyway. She kept giving him chances and he kept trampling on them. He wanted crime, drugs, and filth. So he got no more chances. She ripped us away from him. She didn't even let me know at first. I thought both my parents were good people. I couldn't figure out why a good person would act how he did. She never said a bad word to me about him. In fact she told me that he loved me. I found out on my own what he was. It wasn't until I started becoming a man that she started opening bits and pieces of our history up to me. I didn't even know until I was a man that she had temporarily cut him out of my life because he kept breaking promises to me. I somehow remember him being there. But it was her.

I'm 37 and no one can tell me that my mother isn't the greatest person on this planet. She's physically beautiful too. That's why I know that beauty has nothing to do with it. She remarried a great man and they've been together happily for 23 years. Incidentally, my father is now one of my best friends - thanks to my mother. He hurt her badly, but she handled it with grace and love. She's like you. She has so much love in her heart. It motivated her to channel it into useful places, not towards someone who was going to abuse it and disappoint us. I know that you can do that. Your child will appreciate it in the long run and so will you.

[MissPinUp]

I can't even imagine what you are going through right now and I, too, echo the above poster's inquiry about whether he may possibly be involved in drugs. If not, then it sounds like it must have all been a deceit on his part.

I know it's no consolation but you obviously deserve so much better. There is so much love out there that you will find - and it will be the love you deserve. You and your baby will be much better off without someone who could do something like that. You are still very young and have a lot of life to life, and it will get easier. The best thing you can do is to stop letting him into your life -even small communications or visits will just extend the pain for now. It looks like you are already doing pretty well on that front. Keep your chin up and just think of the love out there that you have yet to find. It does exist.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

In my opinion there are two things.

1) You are pregnant concentrate on your own well being and that of your baby... This little life will give you more love than anyone ever can.

2) Do you know the person you married? What you have described is a person taking gifts, using a woman for self gain and then telling you he loves you. Sounds as if, he is selfish, loving the lavishing and maybe expecting he can walk back in with his gifts later and you will forgive.

And, if not, he is what you class as a toy boy, using women, finding an older woman that is nearly my age that wants a toy boy and prepared to pay for it, just to be loved. Is that the type of guy you honestly want to be married to?

Don't beg. Tell him to stuff off and watch what happens from there when he realises you have a voice and his child.

[jroopchand]

Thank you for your words. Honestly it helps. The tears just pour down my face as I read your repsonses. How people that don't even know me can be as caring towards this. Thank you.

The baby is gone. I had a miscarriage on the 5th. The doctor can't pin point why it happened. They just said sometimes it happens.

No he's not into drugs. Chandlers you ask a good question. If I know the person I married. The person I married was a wonderful man. Kind, loving and beautiful all around. The man that he is now, a year later I don't know - caught up with the luxurious lifestyle of what this woman can give to him.

Since I am pouring out my heart there is a part I left out because I know the first thing people will say. I sponsored him from another country here to Canada. I don't think for a second he used me for papers. I may be wrong but in my heart and mind I truly believe he married me because he loved me at one point. There is another thing, I was not the best wife to him as well. I had a hard time supporting us and I may have done things (yell, hit, and say mean things) towards him that might have brought us to this point.

I am not saying what I did was right - because believe me if I could I would take it all back but I NEVER did anything to intentionally hurt him. He's doing everything to walk all over me.

The hardest part in all of this is understanding. I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW EVERYDAY FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS YOU TALK TO THE OTHER PERSON MORNING, NOON AND NIGHT. I LOVE YOU THIS AND I LOVE YOU THAT. HOW DO YOU GO DAYS WITHOUT HEARING THEIR VOICE. SEEING THEIR SMILE. SLEEPING AND EATING WITHOUT THEM. JUST TELL ME HOW?
Because I can't eat, sleep, walk, talk, I can't even laugh without wishing that every moment was spent sharing it with him.

I want to know when I will be normal again because living like this is killing me... and everyday it kills me a little more.

[jroopchand]

Believe me when I say I am trying but I broke and sent a long facebook message to him.

He crushed my heart a little more this afternoon on lunch. He called while laying in bed with his woman, to ask if I'm crazy. To tell me that he is happy and that they are in love. He said to pretty much leave them alone and hung up on me.

I asked him for 2 months to call her in front of me and tell her you want to come home and he never did. In a heart beat he did it to me. I know it was clear before but he officially chose her.

I messaged him on FB 30 minutes ago. Telling him that I just wanted this time to pass between us and we could move on. Saying that I hope one day he can forgive me for the wrong things I have done.

I don't expect a reply back. I don't know how to stop the feeling of texting or calling him. Sorry

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Honey, with all the soul in your heart, we want to believe in love, believe in the best of people, believe if we help it comes back.

Sometimes it doesn't.

Sometimes good trickery can be deceiving..

I am sorry for the loss of your baby.

Being up-front and honest is a good thing or how do you let go of something? Maybe, you felt as you bought him over, you had a right to get in-secure, bad mouth him, put him down, but also through stress as you tried to support not just you but him as well towards a life.

Ask yourself, did he do anything to support you once here? Once married?

I have a feeling your answer will be no.

You are following a "dream" of hope. What you hoped it would be. There is no shame what so ever, if a guy used you to get a green card and now is using this woman, (he doesn't love) he is just saying that to rid of you.

You need to confide in your parents of what he has done. You need a HUGE hug from someone close to you.

It's alright. Trickery is hard to see until it's totally presented.

You are young. And love is real and it is out there...

[jroopchand]

As time passes I think my child is in a better place. A life alone just me and the baby would have been hard. And all this would have made it harder. I think god had some doing to it. As much as it hurts I just keep telling myself that.

You are a very smart woman. Yes when I sit back and think of it all now - with bringing him here I think part of me inside my twisted head thought that I had the right to treat him however I wanted because he wasn't going to go anywhere. He had nowhere to go.

I didn't read more after you asked did he do anything to support you once here? Once married?
And guess what? You are right. He didn't try to start helping me until after he moved out.
I sit and I think alot and I think we both rushed into this very fast. Neither of us had any idea of what was about to come.
Now that it has happened we both messed up and cant change that. And now all we can do is go our own ways. It sucks

My family is all in Toronto. I live in Calgary alone. I have a girlfriend that I have enlightened completely on the situation. And she has given me a hug.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The Universe works in mysterious ways.. A child is one of love, deserves two "loving" parents. You continue to think like that sweet. And, you know one day that child will be born again.

There is a lesson to be learnt in that How we treat people is how they treat us. I get what you are saying, I don't know if it was a twisted mind or a selfish thought at that time? He can't go anywhere I will say and do as I want.. There is a lesson to be learnt there.

You know we all want love and we do find it, truly we do. Sometimes we go down the wrong paths but eventually we choose the right one.

Apart from your friend which is lovely we give you HUGS too...

You can stay about. Join in. Lots can be gained from a place like this including hugs.

[jroopchand]

This week is a little better for me. I haven't seen or heard from him for 1 week today. It will be 2 months since he moved out tomorrow. The cry has stopped. I started eating meals again. I still think about him and us all the time.

I keep telling myself that this is what he wants. If this is what makes him happy then I will have to let it be. It still hurts to even imagine that this whole time while I was deadicating my life to this marriage he was off making his own plans.

Chandlers you are right about a lesson being learnt. It's not to ever trust again so easily.

I have reached a whole new level of shame with all of this. The endless nights, the begging for him to stay. I can't believe I had come to a point like that.

I have been out on a couple of dates. the guys have boosted my confidence again by telling me I am beautiful. and just saying that I have a good personality and they enjoy being in my presence. I can see it will not go anywhere but to know I am desirable to other people is nice.

Now it just a matter of waiting for the thoughts to leave my mind.