[Claret]

It does not take courage to quit, it takes cowardliness to quit. You are right you should go to counseling if you feel it can be resolved. As far as the back and forth of the hitting goes...whoever said that "its never the person getting hit who is at fault" that is not correct. While it may seem that way you can compare it to getting bit by a dog. If you constantly taunt a dog that is just doing his thing and finally he snaps because he cannot take it anymore and you get bit....WELL that is your fault. You got bit because you ignored all the precursors to getting bit. Same thing here. While I do not agree with it I have been in relationships where this has happened. I do not advocate for violence or even justifying hitting someone because they hit you but people tend to react sometimes out of instinct. It doesn't mean they are bad or anything they just got pushed to far. Best thing to do is just sit down and talk it out. Communication in a positive manner can FIX a lot of things.

Sorry, but in this statement you are wrong. A dog lacks the mental capacity to walk away, he after all only a tamed feral animal. A man or a woman has the mental capacity to make decisions based on the circumstance and can walk away if he/she chooses. There is NEVER a reason to hit unless you are protecting your life or your childrens lives. I've been here, done that, wore the T-shirt out and am a survivor of physical abuse.

[jen1447]

Gotta agree with Claret ....we've come a long way in changing the cultural standard here, so let's not take a step back and start making it okay to beat up women "if they've got it coming" (or insert whichever condition you like there - none are acceptable, period).

I made the distinction about the nature of the attack because I do think there are levels. If someone 'hits' you with a pattycake overhand slap landing with the force of a snow flake in a high wind, it doesn't equate to a come-from-behind windup coldcock punch that knocks you out and dislodges a couple teeth. No hitting is okay, but the response should depend on the severity. If I got the snowflake hit, I'd sit him down and tell him much the way I would a child how that's not acceptable for people today, but if I got the hammer I'd be at the police station as soon as I was able.

Also there's a fair amount of clinical evidence from what I understand that demonstrates that abusive natured men do indeed follow patterns as far as hitting goes, one principal being that if they're okay mentally to do it once, they're okay to do it a thousand times. I'm sorry but it's just critical here that no woman be made to feel that any amount of hitting is okay or should be tolerated for the sake of anything. That's just a dangerous, dangerous road to go down that will put women at serious risk.

[Never_Accept_Defeat]

Sorry, but in this statement you are wrong. A dog lacks the mental capacity to walk away, he after all only a tamed feral animal. A man or a woman has the mental capacity to make decisions based on the circumstance and can walk away if he/she chooses. There is NEVER a reason to hit unless you are protecting your life or your children's lives. I've been here, done that, wore the T-shirt out and am a survivor of physical abuse.

While I have already made it clear I do not advocate violence I am sorry to hear that you are a victim and glad to hear you made it. You are not the only one though. It is a sad day when the Sheriff decides the man went "a little" too far using a fist vs. a loaded 12ga. Shotgun; followed by putting the man in jail. We all have our stories and it is unfortunate to say the least.

While my statement is a bit on the pushing it side it is not wrong. The person who decide to keep going with the argument was taking on inherent risks and that was my point here. As I said if you push the situation do not be surprised when it goes to far. There is a certain point at which people are NOT held accountable for their actions because they enter into a psychotic break; the level of that break could be short term or long term. So with that said, I am not wrong. It is basic psychology.....Yet again not advocating violence but this is no different than the kid being bullied and antagonized at school who then snaps and kills 15 people because why??? He couldn't take it anymore and had a psychotic break from the VERBAL abuse incurred. Abuse is abuse no matter how you stack it and the manner in which you handle it can sometimes be controlled through rational thought. However this is not the case in all circumstances.

A person that willingly chooses to hit someone and make an excuse for their reason as to doing it for example "I felt you were cheating on me" is not the same as "You were in my face screaming and flailing your arms and I was unsure what was going to happen" (fight or flight is a very real part of our Mental Capacity and Make up has been and always will be)

[Never_Accept_Defeat]

Gotta agree with Claret ....we've come a long way in changing the cultural standard here, so let's not take a step back and start making it okay to beat up women "if they've got it coming" (or insert whichever condition you like there - none are acceptable, period).

I made the distinction about the nature of the attack because I do think there are levels. If someone 'hits' you with a pattycake overhand slap landing with the force of a snow flake in a high wind, it doesn't equate to a come-from-behind windup coldcock punch that knocks you out and dislodges a couple teeth. No hitting is okay, but the response should depend on the severity. If I got the snowflake hit, I'd sit him down and tell him much the way I would a child how that's not acceptable for people today, but if I got the hammer I'd be at the police station as soon as I was able.

Also there's a fair amount of clinical evidence from what I understand that demonstrates that abusive natured men do indeed follow patterns as far as hitting goes, one principal being that if they're okay mentally to do it once, they're okay to do it a thousand times. I'm sorry but it's just critical here that no woman be made to feel that any amount of hitting is okay or should be tolerated for the sake of anything. That's just a dangerous, dangerous road to go down that will put women at serious risk.

This is getting blown way way out of proportion. It does not matter man or woman it should not have happened PERIOD. The thing here is that making excuses one way or the other does no good to anyone or anything.....it is just and excuse. The fact of the matter is you cannot just expect people to not snap at some point as I just wrote. And in the original post the POSTER even said she struck back and did neither blame her or him for full fault and both were at fault. THAT was the most mature way to look at it regardless.

Moral of the story is do not promote violence but when you engage in it Verbal, Physical or otherwise; do not expect people to lay down and accept what is going on all the time. We all have breaking points. That is the only this I was trying to get across.

However this is a good example of Emotional Responses vs. Rational Responses.

[Never_Accept_Defeat]

And I do agree with you as far as it being a Clinical study that PEOPLE once ok with abuse will continue. This is not about men or women here and whoever started the whole idea of it being ok to hit a woman as a cultural standard was OBVIOUSLY not very intelligent. It is never ok to hit anyone because of the whole Promoting violence thing.

I also agree that a feather like tap to the cheek is a far cry different than an outta nowhere blindside cheap shot, there is zero comparison in the two aside from the fact they are completely different in approach. This should not be turned into a man hitting a woman or woman hitting a man. It is people hitting people in general. We all have to be accountable for our actions whether we hit someone or push them to a point where they feel they need to hit us. We all just need to calm down a tad as far as it goes and think about how we are making the other person feel with our actions and words before we say or do them.

[Sonny]

No hitting is okay, but the response should depend on the severity. If I got the snowflake hit, I'd sit him down and tell him much the way I would a child how that's not acceptable for people today, but if I got the hammer I'd be at the police station as soon as I was able.

Well said! Just note though that timing is everything here...so also call 911 on the way to the police....and get that TRO (temporary restraining order) on him no later than the next day because he may get bailed.

Also there's a fair amount of clinical evidence from what I understand that demonstrates that abusive natured men do indeed follow patterns as far as hitting goes, one principal being that if they're okay mentally to do it once, they're okay to do it a thousand times. I'm sorry but it's just critical here that no woman be made to feel that any amount of hitting is okay or should be tolerated for the sake of anything. That's just a dangerous, dangerous road to go down that will put women at serious risk.

Right...and ever notice how these women beaters never beat men their own size or bigger? Clearly it's a bully & control thing...and that ain't love. So run for your life...really!

[jns]

In our countries, we don't have such professionals, we need to deal with it on our own.

Which countries are those? Maybe we can come up with better answers on how to get help and how to deal with the situation if we knew which countries.

[Sonny]

Which countries are those? Maybe we can come up with better answers on how to get help and how to deal with the situation if we knew which countries.

Well...since Asmaa is typically an Islamic Arabic female name...a good guess would be from the Middle East.

And once you get out of the Western world of western Europe and North America....most of the rest of the world is very patriarchal.

Not only do husbands have the right to hit their wives...they can also honor kill them in a lot of places...and do.

Every Friday night at 6 p.m. you can even watch the public executions on television in Saudi Arabia where they kill women for adultery by beheading them with a sword.

The man who commits adultery gets a monetary fine.

Of course this isn't the case throughout the Arab world...but it's very much a man's world.

[jns]

I guess we can assume she is not in Saudi Arabia since she drove the car.

[Trixareforkids]

It does not take courage to quit, it takes cowardliness to quit.

Of all the statements you made this is the one that bothers me the most. To admit you made an error in judgement and move to correct that error takes a great deal of courage. Have you ever never been in a relationship that you ended? If you have and leaving felt like cowardice that speaks only to your experience, not others.