[Asmaa]

Hello all, thanks for your posts. This has really helped think through my situation. I am from Morocco. Indeed this part of the world deals with abuse (child,women, school, moral at work, you name it....) in a different way than the westernworld, in terms of appplying law, awarness and mind set. We dont have as far as i know reputable, high level professionals in this domain where husbands and wife can speak openely to sort out their issue...

[Stillness]

Asmaa, I'm hopeful that you and your husband can work things through. Please let us know how things progress.

[Sonny]

I guess we can assume she is not in Saudi Arabia since she drove the car.

True she isn't supposed to but more and more women in SA are testing that boundary.


And maybe that's what the argument was about and why her husband left the car...no need for them both to go to jail.

[Sonny]

Sorry, I just read Asmaa's last post.

She is from Morocco which is a predominantly Islamic, Arabic and Berber country.

Glad to see people from there can reach a forum like this via the inter-net.

[Sonny]

Sorry about the outbound link....it was just pictures of women driving cars in Saudi Arabia.

[jns]

Asmaa, have things cooled down now? Since the organizations that we expect in western countries usually do not exist in countries such as Morocco, I have more questions? Are there NGO (non-governmental organization) groups in Morocco that deal with family issues from a woman's point of view? How about NGOs that deal with family conflict?

I did a bit of reading and found that in Morocco a wife can initiate a divorce without consent of the husband. That seems a bit drastic in your case. You did not indicate that he made a habit of hitting you or you of hitting him. Can you two talk and come up with a mechanism to keep the arguments from becoming too heated. Such as he gets to win the first argument, you the second, etc. I know it is do it yourself counseling, but if it is the only thing available, it may be better than nothing.

[Asmaa]

Hi guys, we finally talked over the issue my husband and I. At first he could not even look at me in the eyes while discussing the matter, day after day, he is now at ease to talk to me. We agreed after long conversations that violence and uncontrolled emotions are note welcomed in the house or outside the house. I Admited my mistakes and what I could have done better to control the situation. He shows that all is my fault, i told him that at some point. Once he finishes with a project he is working on, he will have to admit to me the points where he think he messed up and how would he react if he were in the same situation again, his ego does not allow him to admit that quickly but he agrees that if he doent, I might keep anger inside me and that could affect our couple in the future. We thought that we are also discovering each other boundaries (within us).

I read a lot on emotional intelligence, it has given me insights that I will share with my husband this weekend.

Though, we are being very positive. Something inside me is still scared about experiencing the situation, which will be then called a pattern....

[Stillness]

Thanks for the update. Glad you two are talking and working things out.

[PhrendlyPhil]

Though, we are being very positive. Something inside me is still scared about experiencing the situation, which will be then called a pattern....

Asmaa: I'm assuming you're a newlywed couple. Newlyweds sometimes quarrel and sometimes a hand is raised. Violence is not an acceptable form of communication in a loving marriage. You can chalk up your spat to immaturity and inexperience. However, going forward, you will have to swear to one another that you (and he) will NEVER use violence again to resolve your problems. Make sure you hear him swear it! If he ever hits you again, LEAVE HIM!

[Motorguy]

Hello,

I really need someones' advice and opinion. I am experiencing the thing i always thought i would act by divorcing if any the husband or nay men hits, i would leave him with no further discussion. This is the story, i am married for 6 months now, we have had few disputes, the worst he did was to shout and i shout back. Yesterday, it was one degree up, we fougth over a stupid thing; he is stressed out from work, these days he does not have a car, he needed to take mine but i was going to need myself, so i guess his ego was already heating up because, he didnt have a car & was needing my help. He is an exremly good man, caring, repsectful and loving but yesterday he did something i dont think i can ever forget....anyway to cut a long story short, he was driving the car, we started having an argument and shouting, he stopped the car & left it and me inside it (he took his bag & left), i drove the car following him asking to come in (i hate when he runs away from disputes!!!!!), i reached to him and started shouting like no man's business, i think the whole outside world heard me, at that moment he lost control, came in in the car and hit me, after a few second he stopped, i did not feel he hurt me though, a second later i was again out of control, shouting and say "YOU DONT NOT HIT ME.." and i hit him back, he lost his sunglasses on the floor, from that moment: " he left the car" and said "its over between us"....so he left work. During the day, i felt so guitly for shouting and going crazy (i think my mind did not admit the hiting yet), he came back home late and slept, we didnt talk. Now i woke up this morning shoked with what happened, i cant talk to anyone about it, i dont know what to do. I love him and love our future that we are building together but i know i must not accept that he raises is hand on me....i really dont know what to do...Can you please advice.

I am an indepent women and i do not need him financially but i must be clever in managing this, is it my fault? do i need to grow up? Does he need a go lesson? How should make it this never happen again?

Oh wow I been married 26 year almost 27 but anyway. i would never ever hit my wife period we have had are argument over the years but never to a point we both lost are tempers to the point we wanted to hit each other. I really think your husband is feel depressed no car and having to use yours so it's eating on him but still no excuse to hit you. Maybe go see a marriage therapist and find out how you can work out your arguments with getting violence and raising your voice to make your point. But discussing your problems out in a calm way. When we have disagreement we end up hugging and kissing and saying sorry to each other because it takes two people to tango. So first communication is a must and work on that as well with a marriage therapist. i see this a must before anything else is done and no more hitting at all this makes the problem even worse so good luck in the future Asmaa.